Momenslist

Bahai Angst

SAVE BRENDAN COOK!

Moojan Momen Rejects Brendan Cook's Claim to be a Hateful Apostate
Concourse on High in Total Disarray

Everything that is wrong with the Bahai Faith is really Al Gore’s fault. But I’ll get to that later. First I must address an issue that has given me and many others tremendous angst.

Dr. Moojan Momen (he really is a medical doctor) has written a new prescription, so to speak, in which he at once diagnoses, identifies, and cures the problem, the malady, the odious nefarious and sometimes hilarious soap opera of Bahai Apostasy. He comes to kick ass and he names names. (Actually I think he just gave their initials.)

The Tablet (lovingly known in BA land as Lawh-i-Takfir) appears in the Journal “Religion” and is called “Marginality and Apostasy in the Baha’i community.”

BA has not actually read the article, but our intrepid investigator, Amin Inizah, has reported that the following twelve people are on Momen’s list of most hateful apostates.

1. Francesco Ficicchia. Never head of this guy, but with a name like that, can’t say I blame Momen.
2. Denis MacEion. Right on. This guy can’t even spell his own name. Dennis has two n’s. Plus, what the hell is the upper case E doing in the middle of his name. Score another one for the Mooj man.
3. Juan Cole. This sob doesn’t even look Spanish, I think the Juan thing is just so he can benefit from affirmative action. (Didn’t help him with Harvard though.) However I think he ultimately got put on the list because he made Irfan his middle name. The Mooj is ahead 3 to zip. Alan Dershowitz would be proud.
4. K. Paul Johnson. Only women use a first initial as part of their name. Maybe some gays do too. Moojan 4 common sense 0
5. William Garlington. His IQ is way to high to be a Bahai. Momen 5 Apostates 0
6. Eric Stetson. No comment, not enough info.
7. Nima Hazini. Nima was kicked out because he works for Bahai Angst as our intrepid reporter. He is the one who went to Bahai Grove. Notice that Amin Inizah is just Nima Hazini spelled backwards. Moojan being a genius figured it out. Nice catch. I mean, what else has Nima ever ever ever done that could get him put on the list? It has to be his working for the Great Green Parrot. Moojan is now up 6 to zip.
8. Darrick Evenson. Even BA agrees on this one. Moojan 7, Mormons and the rest of us, 0
9. Frederick Glaysher. I think Glaysher sold a shitty house, er, mansion, to an infallible member of the UH$. What else could it be? Moojan is up 8 to 0. Even if the apostates score a touchdown now they’ll have to go for two.
10. George Flemming. Moojan 9, Fighting Apostates 0.
11. Alison Marshall. Clearly a hateful bitch. More people like her and we would not be having wars all over the place, wars loved so dearly and sweetly by Glennford Mitchell. Also, this has caused tremendous tumult in the Marshall domestic scene. Steve is so damn jealous he’s been doing nothing but baking Cormorants ever since. He also signs his online posts as “ka fuck you” now. Moojan 9 hateful bastards 1.
12. Karen Bacquet. I think this is Moojan’s way of trying to get her attention, sort of like dipping her pony tail in ink. She’s hot and he feels his love for her is unrequited. It won’t work Moojan, she’s all mine. Moojan wins 9 to 2 with one wicket undecided.

One really odd thing here though is that not all of these people willingly left the AO. Some of them were just plain kicked off the rolls or forced out. So, doing what anyone does when they want to talk about an issue, I repaired to Websters Online Dictionary and looked up the word “apostate”. I went here http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/apostate and all I got was this “one who commits apostasy”. (what a crappy dictionary)

This means you have to do apostasy, not have it done to you. Doing it to others is a common thing though in many religions. In Islam it is called Takfir. There was even a group of shall we say “ultra-orthodox” Muslims in Egypt back before Sadat was assassinated that was named in the media as Al-Takfir wa al-Hijra. Maybe we should call the AF Al-Takfir wa Haifa. But I digress.

This message is a plea, I’m begging, weeping, sobbing, imploring and beseeching Dr. Momen to please find it in his heart to add Brendan Cook to the list. Brendan, surprisingly funny for a Canadian, is just devastated that he didn’t make the cut. He is even considering naming his pigs after Continental Counselors just to impress Dr. Momen enough to add him. He even threw in an oblique online reference to BA to get BA included which I thought was a nice touch. Besides, 12 isn’t a good Bahai number. You need to get to 19 and he’s a good one to start with. In fact, I recommend that the UH$ make getting the number up to 19 part of the next Five Year Plan. So Dr. Momen you can be like the preexisting Adam of the next Five Year Plan by adding Brendan now before the new Plan reveals itself in the Emails of Eternity.

By the way, an abstract of Dr. Momen's article can be found here. The abstract is indeed a prescription, a prescription for facism. The NeoCons ruining the United States would be proud.

Al Gore. I really don’t like this guy for a lot of reasons. He is a total Zionist suck up and warmonger which means the UH$ will like him, even love him. Anyway, Al Gore invented the Internet. This led to the list called Talisman and that is what led to the 911 attacks and the exit by troops that we going on today. So the UH$ and Dr. Momen need to add Al Gore to the list – a sort of pre-apostate.

New Bahai Talisman For the UH$ released! It fulfills a major line item in the Five Year Plan. Bahai Angst readers can get a preview of this new Talisman by clicking here.

Coming Soon: Readings from the Bahai Faith's most sacred scriptures.