Zach's Journal
   I just sent out my "coming out" lettet through email today to all my family and friends. The reason I sent the email is because first off I don't have long distance, and it would be very expensive to call everybody since all of my family and friends live in other far away states.   I am pretty sure that most people will except this openly. I am also scared that some might not.  But all in all I feel as though a big heavy weight has been lifted off of my shoulders to finally come out to everybody about me being a trans.  I feel happy because I am finally being myself, and that I have finally been able to expressed myself.  I feel that I am moving along in life and that I am becoming the person that I am to the outside world that I have kept hidden for so many years.
   Since I have come out to Sheri (my girlfriend) and have been able to be so open and honest with her I have been so much more happier.  I use to pack and bind when she wasn't home.  I always hid everything.  But I finally came clean and now I pack and bind with her around.  I have had so many wonderful changes in my life this past year that I can finally be happy with myself and life.  I am so greatful to have Sheri she has been so supportive even with her own worries and feelings.  I also try to help her understand things and I try to make sure she is involved in every bit of it and I try to make sure I answer all her questions in the best way I can while being loving and suportive of her needs as well.
I added what reactions, comments, and/or questions I got after coming out to family and friends to the "My Story" part of this site.
Dec. 2004

Well, most of you already know what has been and is going on in my world.  For those of you that don’t I am very sorry for not updating this.   I will try and get you up to date…

While still living in Iowa I was thinking of changing my name legally with a lawyer that Sheri worked for.  She was going to work with me on payments and let me work some of it off.  After giving it lots of thought I decided that changing my name was not the first step for me.  I wanted to start taking T and let things begin to change before changing my name.

Sheri and I moved out to my hometown of Bakersfield California about the end of February/first part of March 2004.  Sheri is now working for a lawyer and loves being at work so much that she is hardly home even on the weekends.  I do odd jobs for people and do a lot of typing work such as making Policy Books, Procedure Books, and Research etc. for people and businesses.  It doesn’t bring in much money right now, but it is something that I can do and I enjoy it.
Sorry I am not much of a jounal writer.
I promise it won't take a year before you all hear from me again! haha...

Dec. 2004
To catch you all up a little more...  I have been having some problems finding a therapist that I could afford.  There is only 1 or 2 therapists in this town and they are very expensive.  I had called many others in other cities/towns and was running into a lot of walls.  I thought I had found one that would work for me... She worked over the phone and everything seemed great until my doctor said he wouldn't take a letter from her because she was not a therapist and only a councelor.  My doctor has been very hard to work with.  I have been doing a lot of searching, making a LOT of phone calls and sending out emails and havn't been able to get anywhere.  I will keep trying, but I am not sure how much longer I can stand hitting nothing but walls.

Jan. 6, 2005
I started 2 Yahoo groups before the new year Bakersfield_Trans & Bakersfield_FTM.  This year is going to be a new beginning for FTM's in and around Bakersfield as I am starting an FTM Meetup with the help of 2 other FTM's in the area.  We hope that more join soon!

Jan. 13, 2005
Well, I have finally found a Therapist that will work with me and for a price I can afford.  I will ask him when I talk with him again if I can post his information on this site.
He has been great in talking with me though email and trying to get everything worked out between him, my doctor and I so that we can have our first session and so everything works out ok.
My doctor and his office is not very cooperative and have been very rude.  I am not sure about my doc totally, but his nurse does not seem to be very trans friendly.
I have been trying for over a year to get T and think I am getting closer to being able to get it.  YAY for me!  And a great BIG THANKS to the therapist that has been so great and willing to work with me!  And everybody else for all the support and help you all have given me!

Sheri and I have a few issues that need to be worked out.  She tried for a while to call me by the name I chose for myself and by male pronouns, but for some reason she dropped it and has gone back to not even trying.  She uses female pronouns and calls me by “T” (the first letter of my birth name).  When I spoke about wanting to do something that I saw on T.V. she said, “There is a problem with that.  You are female!”  I haven’t really talked to her in almost 24 hours because I am still upset about it.  She says repeatedly that she wants me to do what I need to do to make me happy, that she supports me and loves me for me male or female, but her actions seem to be the total opposite of what she says.  I am not sure what to do.  And I am not sure how to handle this situation any more without being pissed off about it.  I have been very welcoming to slips and mistakes for over a year now, and now she isn’t even trying any more.

I have talked to my mother about me and what I have been doing and keeping her up to date on stuff.  She says she REFUSES to call me by anything other than my birth name.  She said she gave me a name that could be male or female on purpose and that, that is what she is going to call me.  She also refuses to use male pronouns.  I think this is a lot harder for her than it is for Sheri, but I think once I start taking T and things start changing things might (hopefully) change with the both of them.

Although my birth name could be male or female, it is the fact that I went by that name as a female and the person everybody else wanted me to be and it is part of my disturbing past that I am trying to get away from to be able to be on the outside who I have always been on the inside.

I will try to keep everybody up to date about my world and how things are going.  Sorry if it takes me a while to update. 2005 seems to be starting out to be a pretty good year for me!
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