by Sailor Lily
posted March 23, 2001
“Your Majesty, we have come... to inform you that... the outer planets have... have been destroyed by an unknown enemy.”- informed Haruka biting her lower lip to prevent herself from crying. A collective gasp of horror was heard throughout the room. Queen Serenity stood up without hesitation, and went to comfort the girls. “My poor girls, I’m sorry this happened. I have known that this would come but never did I imagine the pain it would bring.”
Setsuna was so stuck with shock, and anger at hearing those hateful words that made her feel cold inside. She stood up, and backed away from the others in utter confusion at hearing that there had been a warning that this would come. Setsuna kept backing away in the direction of the door, her breathing became increasingly agitated as tears rolled down her face, and she met Nebula’s green eyes that were so much like her mother’s.
“Yes, my dear Setsuna, there was warning that this would some day come to be.”-said Nebula breaking the silence that had enveloped the room, while walking very slowly towards the frightened girl that kept backing away like a wounded animal facing its hunter. “Queen Serenity only knew it through dreams that she hoped never would come true, and I didn’t tell her of all my visions until today.”
Setsuna stopped backing away, and finally let those words damp her heart and sink into the core of her entire being. Nebula stood in front of her with all the calm she could gather, for she knew how much Setsuna would come to hate her for keeping quiet about an event that sent the people they loved to their death. < It is fate that makes fools of us, for we can foresee it but we are too stubborn to change it. I sealed their fate by not changing the future, and the one joy I was rewarded with... will hate me forever.>
Setsuna wiped the tears from her silky complexion while she looked in the direction of the girls from the inner planets. Nebula placed a gentle hand on Setsuna’s shaking arm as she answered the girl’s unasked question, “Yes, we sent for the other girls immediately, specially Lita and Rei since their planets are so close to the four outer planets. I knew you four where on your way, so we sent a ship for them immediately since we knew you wouldn’t be... able to stop there...”
“So... you mean to tell me... you knew the outer planets would be attacked... destroyed with all,... with ALL... of its population... and you took no measured to prevent it!” -cried Setsuna in exasperated anger and pain.
“Setsuna, please...”-begged Luna with a soothing voice.
“No! No, don’t try to say anything! ”-exclaimed Setsuna pulling her arm away from Nebula as her wild beauty blazed around her. “I lost my parents,... I lost my home,... my planet and all of my people! Haruka, Michiru, and I lost everything!”
“No, you girls didn’t lose everything.”- said Artemis trying to bring comfort into the situation. “You still have us, all of us.”
“No,... I don’t want you pity, of everything I want... your pity is the last thing I need. I just want to know... why... of all the people who knew this would happen, nobody did anything!”-screamed Setsuna as the memory of the people that had died filled her mind, and all that was left were Hotaru’s hopeful eyes. She took a deep breath to calm herself, as she crossed her arms protectively in front of herself to keep from collapsing.
Quiet filled Queen Serenity’s main hall as all of the people present fought uncertainty, shock, confusion, or pain. Haruka stared about her in disbelief, for she shared exactly the same feelings as Setsuna but she didn’t know how to express them, and so she kept them all to herself. Michiru cried silently for she felt her heart would drown in a sea of tears if she did not rid of them. Haruka took Michiru’s hand firmly, and led her to the place where Setsuna stood shaking. The three oldest girls looked at each other as their eyes welled with tears, for they knew they were missing an innocent little someone.
“We... we lost Hotaru. We lost Hotaru.”-whispered Michiru through tears, and loud enough for all of the others to hear in disbelief.
“Was that fair? Is it fair that we lost Hotaru?”-asked Haruka turning to face the others with an icy stare that said more than it intended.
“So you see,... since none amongst you noticed that Hotaru wasn’t with us... you can’t possibly understand the extent of our pain, or our terrible loss. Hotaru was the youngest... and most innocent one amongst us,... and she’s dead, and... it could have been prevented.”-whispered Setsuna through clenched teeth.
Setsuna’s eyes met Endymion’s across the room for she felt so lost, and alone but was unwilling to ask for comfort. She turned, and walked out the door in silence followed by Michiru and Haruka. The Outers disappeared through the door in the direction of their rooms, while the others remained in the room silently thinking of all the forewarnings that there had been before this happened. Beryl stood in a corner of the room watching the door with a malevolent grin on her face.
*******************************************************
“My Queen, the population of the outer planets was destroyed successfully.”-announced Beryl to the intense yellow glowing in her room.
“Yes, I heard from the director of the attack that everything went as planed. That’s marvelous!”-replied the feminine voice coming from the light. “What about Queen Serenity? Is there any sign of the crystal?”
“There’s still no sign of the Imperium Silver Crystal, but I’m sure that if we continue threatening this solar system she will be forced to use it. Queen Serenity feels guilty for not doing anything to prevent the attack on the Outer planets, and she will use it for certain the next time we attack.”
“But the next time we attack it will be the definite blow; we will hit Queen Serenity on her weakest spot, and she will have to surrender that crystal to us.”
“My Queen, how is it that Setsuna was allowed to escape? I need her dead to get Prince Endymion!”
“Princess Pluto is very fortunate, her parents had foreseen the end, and they sent her away as fast as they could. Also, the director of the attack was... weakened by the Plutonian princess so he let her get away but I’ll deal with him later. Don’t be overanxious Beryl, I have the perfect plan to end with Princess Pluto’s charmed life. Tell me, what is the penalty for an attempted suicide if survived?”
Beryl wrinkled her brow at such a strange question but answered, “If the person survives, they are banished from the Queen’s court until she feels that they have had enough time to understand what a great mistake they were making.”
“Where do they banish them off to?”
“To their home planet.”
“Well, that’s excellent!”-exclaimed the glowing in the dark room. “Don’t worry Beryl, Endymion will be yours soon; I’ll take care of Setsuna.”
*******************************************************
Endymion was desperately pacing his room for he wanted to be with Setsuna but Beryl had warned him to stay away from her. <Staying away from her is impossible...now more than ever! I can feel her pain, her frustration, her sadness,... her loneliness. But she didn’t lose everything, she still has me. I’m still here and she needs me more than ever,... if only there was a way to... to take down this wall that separates us!>
It had been days since their arrival, and Setsuna had locked herself in her room since the day she had confronted Nebula. None of the girls knew where Nebula was, and all of them avoided Setsuna’s room for the sound of things being thrown could be heard coming from there. Endymion had been worried about Setsuna for he could hear the sounds of objects hitting the wall or glass shattering on the floor in a million pieces. But now he was becoming increasingly anxious for there were no sounds coming from her room, and he was terrified that she was killing herself.
<Haruka and Michiru have each other for unconditional love and support. Setsuna has me, and I can’t even be with her! This is so frustrating! Not even Michiru who is her best friend can get in to see her. There must be a way,... a miracle... that will let me be with her, that will let me restore her faith in people,... her love for living.>-he thought as he locked himself in his room.
He was sure that there was a way to get from his room to hers without being detected by Beryl. He pushed every wall without must success, until a wall in his closet gave way to a small, humid room. He pushed on the other side of the small room and it gave way to a dark, open room full of articles that he couldn’t see in close detail. He stepped on broken glass, and tripped on picture frames as he made his way toward the majestic bed. The room was so dark, and lifeless that he shuddered at the thought that Setsuna had attempted to end her life. He forced his fears under control as he hurried to the side where she laid without moving.
Setsuna laid on her side with her eyes dry and open without recognizing her surrounding. He knelt next to the bed, he touched her hand and was comforted to feel that it was warm. He continued to look at her for he could now distinguish her lovely golden skin, and he could hear that she was breathing. He loved her more than ever at that moment for he was able to recognize, even amidst the dark, the wonderful woman that he had loved since his childhood. He looked lovingly into her lost eyes, and caressed the wild hair about her face that was like a dark-green halo.
“Setsuna, I know that you’re hurt, and that you’re wondering around in the darkness looking for comfort... that’s why I’m here.”-he whispered to her awaiting a reaction. Nothing happened so he continued talking. “Setsuna, I know that part of you can hear me, and I know that you’re scared because you feel lost... but I’m still here, and I swear to you that I will never... I will never leave you. Setsuna, I love you,... please, don’t leave me all alone.”
There was no reaction again. He kissed her cold lips, and she closed her eyes tightly. He stood up, but she held his hand tightly preventing him from taking a single step away from her. Without saying a word, she made room for him in the spacious, soft bed. He laid down with his arms firmly rapped about her detached, immobile frame.
<My poor Setsuna, my love... how I wish I could protect you from all harm. I often dreamt of the moment when I would hold you like this to start our life together under happy circumstances, and not there bitter ones. I hold on to you right now but you are far away from me, and I don’t know how to bring you back. You feel so cold, and I want to be your warmth. I need to find a way to help you out of the dark.>
More days went by in which Endymion would be with her, hoping that she would eventually snap out of her grief. Nothing happened in that time, she kept growing worst for there was no way to make her eat, and she didn’t release any tears. She kept herself from talking, for she didn’t want to lend her voice to all that hunted her entire being. He continued to hold her tightly day after day, trying to prevent her from leaving him alone forever, and still she kept slipping further into her darkness.
*******************************************************
Endymion grew worried each day, and the only ones who could help Setsuna were Michiru and Haruka. They were the only ones that could help her since they understood her but had been able to face their grief. For an entire week they didn’t talk to anybody else, and all that was heard coming from them was music. The soulful music that they played filled the entire side of the castle where all their rooms where located. They finally resurfaced from their catastrophe feeling calm, and loving their dead without pain or guilt. Michiru went to see Setsuna in regular visits that left her feeling very uneasy for her friend was thinner and losing her color. Michiru and Haruka kept her company often and they saw that she lay awake all of the time without talking or shedding a single tear.
On a sunny, warm day Michiru went into Setsuna’s room to help a maid change her clothes. When they were done with the task, they marveled at the thought that they hadn’t broken Setsuna, for she was terribly frail. Michiru gave instructions to the woman that she was to go get Prince Endymion immediately, while she brushed Setsuna’s tangled hair. Setsuna had been dressed in a red gown that lend her all the color that she lacked as she sat in a chair next to the window that faced the garden, and Michiru talked soothingly as she braided Setsuna’s velvet-like hair.
Endymion entered the room as the younger girls watched from across the hall at the unusual visitor that had entered Setsuna’s room. He knelt before her, and kissed her lips softly. Michiru smiled at the couple before her, and at the fact that Setsuna closed her eyes, for that showed that she still responded to the world around her. <Yes, she’s not too far away from us yet. Our plan will work, she loved music and she’s emotionally entangled with it. This will definitely help her.>
Endymion parted his lips from Setsuna’s and smiled up at Michiru, who was standing behind Setsuna’s chair. “Thank you, Setsuna looks as radiant as ever.” He looked at Setsuna’s calm face, “My future queen is so beautiful, isn’t she?”
“She is.”-agreed Michiru with a great smile on her face.
“Well, I have something to show you Setsuna. I’m going to take you to the ballroom. Okay?”-he asked as he picked her up from the chair. No answer came from her but she slid a weak arm on his shoulder. The younger girls stood waiting in the hall to ask news of Setsuna, while Beryl watched from a corner hidden by shadows.
Out of the room emerged Michiru with a light-green blanket in her arms, behind her was Endymion carrying a weaker, and empty looking girl in his strong arms. The younger girls looked at Setsuna with a mix of shock and guilt for they had never tried to enter the room to help her.
“Where are you taking her?”-inquired Serenity worried from the door.
“To the ballroom.”-answered Michiru as she walked behind Endymion.
“Can we help?”-asked Lita already next to Michiru.
“Of course, just come with us.”-answered the girl with the ocean locks.
“Wait, all of you! Prince Endymion,”-said Beryl in an exasperated tone as she appeared out of no where. He stopped and tuned to face her fiery stare without a word Beryl continued, “I thought I told you to stay away from her. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“I don’t care about anything else but her. She is the most important person in my life, and she needs me. If the future is in danger because we’re together, then it will continued to be that way because I’m not leaving her!”
They turned away from Beryl and continued on their way to the ballroom. Once in the ballroom, Endymion placed Setsuna in a comfortable chair, and Michiru covered her legs with the blanket she brought. Setsuna continued staring off in her inner darkness when the music of a piano filled the room, and encircled her. Michiru walked to the center of the room where Haruka played the piano, and took up her violin to begin playing. The silky notes of the violin combined with the soulful ones coming from the piano, and together traveled every corner of the room. Something inside Setsuna could feel a desperate plea come from the thunder clouds in her mind, and something in her recognized the surroundings.
Setsuna turned her head slowly, and found a hand she recognized on her shoulder. She covered Endymion’s hand with hers, and he looked down in surprise to find her looking up at him. He knelt next to her, and kissed her brow very lightly. That gesture made her open her eyes for her mother had done that before she had escaped from Pluto. The music entered her body, traveling through every invisible wound in her body, and breaking down the stone wall that sheltered her heart.
Her father’s voice echoed from deep inside her heart, “I know you will be the best. Setsuna, I just want you to be happy, more than anything else...”
[Beginning of Setsuna’s flashbacks]
Hotaru is sitting on the garden steps looking up with a faint smile. “...My name is Hotaru, it’s a pleasure to meet you... I don’t think they like me, I feel that I don’t belong with them.” The memory changed in Setsuna’s mind and she remembered when Hotaru had been sitting on her lap when they were on their way to the Outer planets.
“I feel strange,”-said Hotaru as if she were thinking out loud. “I feel as if something will happen... something that will change us forever.”
“Don’t worry Hotaru, nothing will happen to you. I promise.”-had answered Setsuna with panic.
“Will you always be my friend and love me?”-asked Hotaru quietly.
“Always,...longer than always.”-whispered Setsuna holding her tightly.
“Thank you, I love all of you so much.”
<I told her I would protect her, and I failed her. I didn’t protect her like I promised I would... I left her at Saturn even when danger was approaching! She’s dead because of me!>
The face in Setsuna’s mind changed from Hotaru’s to Briga’s worried one. Briga’s voice was talking to her in her always protective tone, “Oh, Setsuna, are you okay? What happened?”
<What happened? What happened? You died... that’s what happened! But why? Why? You didn’t have to die, you didn’t have to leave me all alone! I could have saved you... I felt what was coming. No... I’m not okay... I’m as guilty as Nebula for not doing anything to prevent it.... because I felt it too!>
Briga’s face changed into her mother’s smiling face as she sat brushing the long green hair of an innocent little girl. Setsuna immediately recognized this as the memory of her mother the day of Princess Serenity’s presentation eleven years before. Her mother looked marvelous in her fine red gown as her father was being helped by his chambermaid to place a fine gold and white cape on his shoulders. She stood like a ghost in her parents chamber looking at every detail. When she tried to touch her mother’s ivory complexion her hand when through her, and she felt the kiss she had given her between her brows burning.
[End of Flashbacks]
She closed her eyes as the music continued playing and moving in her the memories of her life. Suddenly the music transported her to a green meadow at Earth from where she sat looking at the horizon. The soft wind played with the leaves on the trees, and caressed the flowers’ petals as it moved towards her. All around her she could hear the voices of the living and dead calling her name.
“Setsuna, Setsuna, don’t give up. It’s not your time to die: live and experience all that life offers. Setsuna, experience the happiness, the bitterness the sacrifice, the triumph, and everything that comes along with living. Setsuna, live for us!”
Her magenta eyes opened as she gasped in the air that she had refused to breath in her effort to die. It was then that Setsuna began to sob uncontrollably because that breath restored her to life; it was as if she was born again. The miracle that everyone in the room had been waiting for happened before their very eyes. Setsuna began releasing all the crystalline tears that she had refused to shed as she struggled to stand up.
Endymion helped her since she hadn’t realized how weak she had become in the past weeks. He stood before her as she slid her arms around him searching for the comfort of his embrace. He held her tightly in his arms as she continued crying, and he whispered to her, “Thank you, thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for staying true to the promise you made me at Earth; the promise to keep living, to keep fighting to live. Setsuna... I love you”
Those words made Setsuna cry even harder for she realized how selfish she had been towards her loved ones who were still alive. A soft voice spoke through sobs behind her. “Setsuna, I... I was so worried. I’ve... I’ve missed you so much.” Setsuna kissed Endymion, and released him to face a crying Michiru behind her. Setsuna tried to give her a reassuring smile but couldn’t do it, so she hugged Michiru and they sank to the floor crying together.
“I couldn’t save... everyone, but I... I should have... made Hotaru...return with us.”-voiced Hotaru hoarsely, since her voice hadn’t been used for quite some time.
“No, it wasn’t you fault,”-reassured Haruka putting a soft hand on Setsuna’s shoulder. “it was nobody’s fault. If blame had to be placed, it would have to be placed on all of us for not making her return.”
[Flashback]
Hotaru’s face is a deadly white with great, hopeful purple eyes saying, “No, I can’t go. Where you are going, I can’t follow until I am called. Please ask no questions and leave quickly.”
Her face banished and all that is heard is Hotaru’s shy laughter.”
[End of flashback]
“You’re right ,”-finally answered Setsuna with tears of resignation surfacing. “it wasn’t anyone’s fault,... and they knew... all of them knew what was coming, and they stayed to face it bravely.”
“Yes, we came to the same conclusion at remembering their firmness in making us leave quickly.” -said Michiru as she cleaned the tears from Setsuna’s face.
Setsuna stood-up but the way she had spent all of her days since the attack had really weakened her, and Haruka had to steady her. “I think it would be a good idea if you eat something.”-said Haruka as she held Setsuna firmly to keep her from collapsing.
“That’s a great idea,”-declared Lita smiling from the doorway. “I’ll see that you get something healthy, and you’ll feel better in no time.”
“Yes, we’ll help you Lita.”-said the other young girls standing with her at the door.
“Thank you,”-began Setsuna shyly as she leaned heavily on Endymion when he went to help Haruka. “but... before you go... I would like to apologize for being so... selfish and not thinking about all of your feelings. Could all of you ever forgive me?”
Serenity turned her head thoughtfully to one side as she looked at Setsuna, and she said, “We have nothing to forgive,... you were simply overcome with tremendous grief that you needed to heal.”
Mina continued after Serenity, “Besides, it was normal for such a caring person like you to have a breakdown at having to face something so horrible.”
Rei replied, “Yeah, so don’t even think about it. You weren’t being selfish, you simply needed time to overcome.”
Amy followed, “Rei’s right, you needed the time to come to terms with your loss, specially since it came so unexpectedly. It’s only natural to retreat into solitude to find answers.”
Lita said angrily, “But don’t you worry, let those rock-heads mess with us again, and we’ll bash their heads in.”
Endymion raised Setsuna’s face to meet his eyes, and finished kindly, “You see, we are all together now, and have nothing to forgive.”
Setsuna was so grateful for having people with so much love, understanding, and kindness. “Thank you so much, all of you are wonderful. I don’t know what would happen to me without all of you.”
All of the girls went over to where Haruka and Endymion held Setsuna. To prove that there was nothing to forgive. They all gathered close together and had the biggest group hug in the history of the Silver Millennium. It was then that the girls from the Outer solar system felt a hint of their power.
***********************************************************
Setsuna was taken back to her room by Endymion. Once she was warm in her bed, she closed her eyes, and slept for the first time in weeks. Luna and Artemis began to worry by the fifth day since she was sleeping too much, but Endymion reminded them that she hadn’t rested since the attack. Setsuna slept traveling between dreams and visions.
“No! Go to her Endymion, please help her! Hotaru? Saturn? NO! Noooooo Endymion!”-screamed Setsuna in her sleep. She woke up agitated, and sweating but shivering at the same time. Endymion, Serenity, and Michiru heard the screams and ran into her room. They found her sitting up, and rocking back and forth with her hands covering her crying eyes.
“What’s wrong, Setsuna?”-asked Serenity looking around the room concerned.
“I’m not sure,... I don’t know. There’s... this dream that hunts me... as I sleep, but... when I wake.. I can’t remember anything! All I can feel is.. fear.”
“Don’t worry, we’re here now.”-soothed Michiru sitting on Setsuna’s bed, and smoothing her hair as she hugged her.