by Sailor Lily
posted May 2, 2001
“Yes, my Queen but I have no reason to travel to Earth.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll have a reason soon enough.”
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Some nights after Setsuna’s nightmare happened, she and Endymion locked their rooms so they could be together. Setsuna went to his room, and they lay close together in Endymion’s spacious bed. Setsuna lay securely in his arms as a thought that had been troubling her surfaced again.
“Endymion, I have been meaning to ask you about Nebula. Do you know where she is?”-she finally managed to ask.
“No but according to Ami, she was sent to guard some time door or some such thing.”-answered Endymion as he thought more about how strange that actually sounded.
“Time door? I’ve never heard anything about a time door.”
“Neither had I, but it seems one exist. Why do you ask about Nebula?”
“I miss her, and I feel guilty about blaming her for... their deaths.”-she ended not quite able to say her loved ones names.
He had been holding her smooth, slender hand, and he raised it to his lips. He said reassuringly, “I’m sure she knows you were beyond yourself with grief.”
“Maybe, but for some reason... I feel like I hurt her tremendously... for some reason I feel as if we share something in common.” she whispered more to herself than to Endymion. “Have you heard anything about the enemy who...attacked the... outer planets?”
“Artemis was sent to the Outer solar system, and he said that there was no trace of them,... the only evidence that they had been there was the...deserted outer planets.”
Setsuna sat-up and turned to face him with a baffled expression. Over and over she could play all the events of that... horribly painful day, and still couldn’t understand any of it. “Endymion, they couldn’t possibly... disappear. Where could they possibly hide without someone being aware of it? They couldn’t hide in this solar system without being detected.”
“You’re right, and if they can manage to hide without being spotted, well then... I’m terribly worried.”
“Yes, that definitely scares me because it means that they are being helped by someone, and can attack without warning.”
Endymion saw the pain reflected in her eyes as she thought about something. To prevent her from continuing to torture herself, he pulled her down, and hugged her while thinking, <That could be very dangerous for the whole kingdom. They could be planing to attack at this very moment, and we wouldn’t know it. What would happen to all of us if they attacked? Our entire lives have revolved on peace, and there’s nobody to protect the Kingdom.> He felt her smooth hair tickling his neck, and he pulled her closer. He wanted to feel her warm body next to him to feel secure. <What would happen to us if they attack the Moon Kingdom? What would happen to our love, to our plans? I will protect her if its the last thing I do. If anything happened to her I would go crazy with pain. If anything prevented us from being together, I would search for her forever or face death.>
“I love you, Endymion.”-she whispered to stop all the scenarios of catastrophes that were popping into his mind. I was strange but she could hear everything he had been thinking.
“I’ll never leave you.”-he said as he looked into her eyes, and caressed her arm. “If you were lost I would always search for you; I love you too much to lose you.”
“I believe you. I will never, ever love anyone the way I love you, and I will do anything to prevent you suffering.”
Completely happy and innocent they lay in the arms of their eternal love. They lay there sharing a moment that eventually would turn in nothing more than a memory. They spent a night kissing, and looking peacefully into their beloved’s eyes for the last time.
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“Setsuna, where are you going?”-asked Haruka when she caught a glimpse of her going in to the kitchen.
“Oh, I’m going to the roof of the palace.”-answered Setsuna as she laughed nervously at being caught. “Would you like to come with me?”
“Nooo, thanks. If it’s not a secret, why are going up there?”
“I’ve been thinking... about things... my father used to say.”-she answered as memories clouded her expression. “Once, he took me to the highest point of Pluto,... he believed that everyone should see things differently from time to time. He would take me up there to look at my planet differently.”
“That’s wonderful.”-agreed Haruka sincerely as she thought of her own father.
“Yes,”-continued Setsuna as she let the cloud drift away. “if anyone should ask about me, I’ll be up there.”
“Okay, have fun and be careful.”
“Okay, thank you.”-said Setsuna as she went into the big kitchen closet at the end of the hall.
At the far end of the closet she found the old metal stairs that lead to the roof. This part of the castles’ roof was flat, facing the back were roses and lilies grew up the walls. She walked to one of the edges of the roof to look down at the flowers that grew all the way up there. She backed up a little, and sat there looking around at the Moon Kingdom. She looked around until her eyes stumbled upon the most beautiful site ever: Earth. From the place were she was sitting it looked round and full of blues, greens and whites. It looked like a jewel that could never be duplicated or replaced because it was so diverse and breathtaking. <Why would anyone want to harm such a beautiful place? Why would anyone want to destroy beautiful planets such as Earth,... or Pluto...or Neptune?> -she thought sadly as she thought of such great loss.
A red rose appeared, and it caressed the side of her face all the way down to her collar bone. She turned very surprised to see Endymion kneeling, and looking at her with his breathtaking blue eyes. He kissed her until he left her breathless, and then smiled mischievously at her.
“Did you like the surprise?”-he said as he winked.
“Yes, of course I loved both.”
“Both, what?”-he asked confused.
“The rose and the kiss.”
“Well, I didn’t think the kiss would come as much of a surprise.”-he laughed good-heartedly. He put the thornless rose to make a gorgeous ornament for her hair. He kissed her again, and stood up to look at his home planet off in the distance, amongst the black firmament filled with shining stars. She went to stand close to him, and he put his arm around her as they looked together at the peaceful universe before them.
“Do you remember our time together at Earth?”- he asked as he moved her in front of him.
“Yes, it was the best time of my life.”-she answered when she turned to face his light blue eyes clearly.
“I wish we could be there together again. I want to make a portrait of you when we are married, and watch you play the harp in the garden as you sit under an apple tree. I want to watch you walking around the sandy beach when you’re pregnant with out first child. I want to see you swimming happily with Michiru in the calm blue ocean, while Haruka and I race with the wind hitting our face. I want to lay with you in our meadow caressing your face and shining hair; but most of all, I want to wake up every morning with your warm body next to mine, and to hold you every night as we lay to sleep.”
Her eyes welled with tears at hearing him say all those wonderful things that could be seen crossing his eyes, and deep in her heart she fell an anguish like no other. She wanted all those things and knew that they were possible for her. She continued to feel uneasy since she had no idea what a cruel thing Destiny had planed, but once she had taken her post at the Gates of Time she realized that all that happiness would not be hers.
They stood there with the universe open with options around them as their lips joined. When they finally parted their eyes stared with a smile at the love of their lives. All of a sudden, they felt a powerful force push them off the roof. They didn’t know what was happening but they instinctively reached and gripped the hand of their lover. As Setsuna fell back with her long hair flowing around her face, memories of Endymion flashed before her.
[Flashbacks]
A little boy with big blue eyes, shinning midnight blue hair as he held the hand of a little girl with black-green hair. The little boy was Endymion as she remembered him the day of Serenity’s presentation saying, “I love you, and I’ll marry you in the future... Swear you’ll always remember me.”
Then the image changed to the older, handsome Endymion dressed in black, smiling mischievously at her. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember me, you swore to always remember me.”
Then it changed again to Endymion and Setsuna browsing over the books in the library. “’How do I love thee, let me count the ways.’” Setsuna turned to look at him as he finished reading from a small green book. He looked at her questioning silence, and walked over to where she was. “Do you know why I love you?”
Then the memory of Endymion’s voice when she was in darkness after the attack echoed in her mind, “Setsuna, I know that part of you can hear me, and I know that you’re scared because you feel lost... but I’m still here, and I swear to you that I will never... I will never leave you. Setsuna, I love you,... please, don’t leave me all alone.”
[End of flashbacks]
She managed to say as they continued their endless fall that would change everything they had known and hoped. “I love you, even if this is the end... I’ll love you forever... like we swore!”-she screamed loud enough for the world to hear her one last time. He held her hand tightly, “I will never grow tired of telling you, I love you... even beyond death...”
She felt tremendous pain shooting throughout her whole being that didn’t allow her to finish listening to what Endymion said. She opened her eyes forcefully, and looked at the orange-red sky as her vision blurred. She felt nothing, she felt no pain, no sorrow, no happiness: she felt nothing. Her head turned to the side, she looked at the peaceful face of the man she would always love before closing her eyes, and surrendering to darkness.
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The darkness that had swallowed her became gray mist that clouded her half-open eyes. Unexpectedly, she felt as if a million sword had staved her into a million different places. “Am I... dead?”-she managed to mutter outloud while pain seized her whole being worst than before.
“No.”-echoed a familiar voice that made her head want to explode because of the pain it caused hitting the walls of her brain.
Setsuna took in the most painful breath that she had ever taken in her whole life and tried to sit-up. “If... I’m not... dead, then... where... where am I?”-she whispered while not succeeding in her attempt to control the horrifying pain that moved through her. She tried to move once again but her mind whirled, as more terrible pain pierced her vitals, and everything went dark again.
The voice that had spoken said kindly while coming closer to where Setsuna lay. “Don’t worry my dear, Setsuna. Don’t worry, you’re not dead my love; I’m with you, and your wounds will heal with time.” Nebula’s figure appeared out of the mist and carried the wounded, bleeding beauty’s body away as she cried entering the Palace of Eternal Mist.
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She didn’t know when, but Setsuna felt a kind hand moving through her hair, smoothing the long strands. Then, a smooth palm applied some pressure to her throbbing forehead, as she slowly dared to open her eyes, and found a pair of familiar green eyes watching over her. She felt the intense need to cry for reasons she did not understand.
“I’m sorry... Nebula.”-she finally managed to whisper with all the pain in her heart pumping more pain to the rest of her body.
“For what are you sorry, Setsuna?”
“For blaming you...for not stopping... the attack... on the Outer planets.”-she said looking deep into Nebula’s green eyes that held a close resemblance to Liba’s eyes. “I’m really, really... sorry, it wasn’t...anyone’s fault.”
“It’s okay, I knew that you were in great grief,”-answered Nebula just as Endymion had predicted but he hadn’t predicted that the woman’s perfect face would turn bitter with tears. “but Setsuna, why did you do it? Why?”
Setsuna felt as if she had been slapped when she saw this woman crying in such a painful way. Her headached as she tried to think back to anything that had happened or what she had done. So many thoughts resonated in her mind, creating a huge deafening noise that made it unbearable for her to think. “What happened? What... did I do?”-she finally managed to ask as she covered her eyes with her sore, and scrapped arms.
“You don’t remember? You...killed yourself.”-answered Nebula closing her eyes at the fact of that unbearable thought, and letting more tears stream down her ivory complexion.
“What? I...oh, my head... what happened? I heard... a voice say I... I wasn’t dead... or did I dream it? Where am I then? I don’t understand.”-she concluded in pain, confused, and with her heart agonizing at having lost an irreplaceable part of its self.
Nebula took in a deep breath, continuing to caress the young woman’s green hair. She finally answered Setsuna’s confusion. “I knew you were struck with grief... but jumping of a the roof of the castle wasn’t going to bring them back, Setsuna.”
“Jump off... the roof of... the castle?”-echoed Setsuna after hearing these words. Then, she was overcome with a coughing fit that tortured her to the point of losing consciousness, and she was covered in darkness once again.
Suddenly, she felt a force push her, and she was falling... falling with tremendous speed that blew her hair around her face. She felt one of her hands numb with the strength with which she held on to someone, and she was able to see those pair of unmistakable, terror stricken blue eyes. Then everything was numb darkness.
“AH! AH! Endymion!”-she screamed as she sat-up sweating, and crying.
“Endymion, where are you?!”
“Setsuna calm down,”-said Nebula as she went to sit next to her and put a hand to the back of the girl’s neck. “you’re bleeding again. Please, calm down.”
“I remember... but where is he?! What happened to him?!”-she asked desperately as Nebula applied cold, wet rags to the back of her head. “Nebula, what happened?”
“You jumped off the roof of the palace because you were wild with grief because you’d lost your parents, and Endymion tried to stop you and...”-explained Nebula with tears welling once again but was brutally interrupted by Setsuna.
“NO! NO! I didn’t...”-exclaimed Setsuna wildly until the state of initial numbness wore off and her physical torture resumed stopping her words. “I didn’t try to kill myself,... we were pushed off... I swear...”
“Okay, okay Setsuna, be still and tell me everything you remember.”-she interrupted while bringing the shaking girl close. “Why were you on the roof in the first place?”
“I went... because I wanted to look at... everything differently, just as my...father thought me. Then, Endymion went... to keep me company but... when we were... kissing,... something, some force... pushed us off and we... we were...falling.”- she answered as she cried painfully looking at Nebula pleadingly. “I didn’t jump off! I wouldn’t do that! My love for Endymion wouldn’t have let me. I swear... on my parents memory... I wouldn’t put myself... in danger because Endymion would... put himself in danger... for me. I swear, Nebula... on my love for Endymion... that I didn’t do that. Please, believe me! I swear, I swear!”
“Okay my darling, I believe you.”-answered Nebula holding the injured girl close to her heart. “I swear, I believe you.”
“But, what happened to Endymion? What happened to him? Is he alive...or is he... dead. Where is he?!”- she exclaimed with the torment in her heart growing with uncertainty, that numbed her physical torture. “How come he’s not here? Ho did I... survive?”
“Queen Serenity wouldn’t let you die, she simply felt too guilty to let you die from a suicide. As for Endymion, I have no idea what happened to him, you were the only one brought to me.”
“Why? Where are we?”
"You’re at the Gates of time in the Palace of Eternal Mist. You were brought here because this is the only place were you should be sent for committing suicide.”
Setsuna pulled away to look at Nebula’s serene face. “You mean that... this is the penalty for surviving a suicide?”
“No, the penalty is to be sent to your home planet. To be banished from the Moon Kingdom until Queen Serenity feels you’ve had time enough to think of the great mistake you’d commit. Since your planet was destroyed this is the only place where you could be sent since this place is rightfully yours. It was only natural for her Majesty to seen you here. Endymion... could have... been sent back to Earth.”
“If he survived.”-whispered Setsuna to herself while thinking. <If what Beryl said was true,... that we would bring destruction by being together, then it would be very... convenient... for one of us t die. But why not let us both die?>
“Setsuna? What’s wrong?”- asked Nebula as more bitter tears fell from Setsuna’s eyes. The broken girl in her arms didn’t answer the black-haired woman’s question, and avoided it by asking, “What did you mean by this place is rightfully mine?”
“This place was protected by ou ... your family in times of danger since the days of your ancestor, Chronos.”
Setsuna wiped the tears away from her eyes, and raised a questioning eyebrow realizing that Nebula shouldn’t be watching the gates. “So, how is it that you’re the one watching them?”
Nebula’s features darkened as a memory of her secret passed over her face. It was then that Setsuna realized that her mother had looked the same way when she had questioned her about her friendship with Nebula. “Does this have to do with the great sacrifice you made for my mother?”-she finally asked trying to get to the bottom of so many secret that surrounded her. Nebula snapped out of her thoughts wide-eyed by the girl’s question. <Did Liba tell her the truth? Does she know our secret?>
“No, my mother wasn’t able to finish telling me anything because it happened the day of the attack.”-said Setsuna at understanding Nebula’s questioning look. “Please, tell me, I’m tiered of secrets all around me.”
Nebula took in a deep breathe to detach part of the anguish she had lived with all those years. She finally managed to begin, ‘I’m here because... I was in love with your father, but traded places with your mother so she could marry him.”
“Wait, you mean that my mother was suppose to be a counselor to Queen Serenity, and watch the Gates of Time in times of danger? And you were supposed to marry my father?”-deciphered Setsuna incredulous.
“Exactly. Your father and I were engaged but I knew my... I mean, Liba was in love with him. I told him about it, and he... confessed that he... had fallen... deeply in love with her. I felt so... betrayed that I tried to throw myself from a cliff, but your mother saved me, and it was then that I decided to trade places with her so they could be happy... together.”
It was now Setsuna’s turn to be wide-eyed, and in owe of such a great sacrifice Nebula had made for the man she loved, and her best friend. With the revelation of that sacrifice Nebula made for Liba, she felt great admiration for that great heart that had pushed away her own happiness, and Setsuna had come to be born. She hugged Nebula tightly and whispered, “Thank you... I’m sorry you had to suffer the loss of you love,... you deserve to be happier than anyone else for making both of my parent happy.”
“I am happy, happier than I have ever been... to finally hold the daughter of my dreams in my arms instead of watching her from afar. Thanks to your parents, I have you.”
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Life and time progressed in the outside world while everything was surrounded by thick, gray mist at the Gates of Time. Nebula spent her time at the Gates of Time and the Palace of Mist where Setsuna spent her ‘time’ alone surrounded by the heavy burden of her memories. She sat in her room alone, looking into herself, and unlocking the pain that she had shoved there. She sat there crying silently for all the death, destruction, pain of everything that had changed the course of her life,... but most of all she cried for the missing part of her soul.
It was only rational to think that Endymion was dead, specially after what Beryl had told them. He was dead, and so were all of their dreams of going thought life together. She cried, and cried until she had no more tears in her entire body to express her grief. He was the lucky one in her eyes since he was in eternal darkness, where no memories or thoughts could touch him. She hated being alive, because the Gates of Time were worst than ten deaths. Being there was like being buried alive, constantly feeling, and thinking of terrible torment. Finally, when she had neared to utter resignation, and complete internal numbness something happened.
“Setsuna?”-echoed the voice of Nebula who was standing close to her. She recognized that the name was hers, and looked up at the woman who had come to stir her from her coma. “Setsuna, Queen Serenity had sent for you.”