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"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral." - David Letterman "The great thing about New York City during the holidays is the faces of the kids, do you agree with that? The faces of the kids, and get a good look at those kids, because later you may have to describe them to a police sketch artist." - David Letterman "The only way you learn about life is looking at things that don't go well." - David Letterman "There is no off position on the genius switch." - David Letterman "The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves." - David Letterman "The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong." - David Letterman "They now think that three of Saddam Hussein's ex-wives have fled to Syria. Well, there's one place not to look for him." - David Letterman "This little Mickey Mouse fella, since he's been around, in 75 years, he's generated $4.5 billion. That's amazing, isn't it? That is more than any other fictional character has ever made with the exception of Oprah." - David Letterman "Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the Beverly Hillbillies aired for the first time right here on CBS. They took a little break, then in 1992, they moved into the White House for eight years." - David Letterman "Today is Saddam Hussein's 66th birthday. He's celebrating quietly with a few close friends in Hell." - David Letterman "Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines." - David Letterman "Tuesday is New Years Eve; I’ve got only four days left to hire a date." - David Letterman |
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