Pepsi-Cola buys naming rights for 2006 hurricane season...... Sonny Bono still dead...... Haitian rebels throw down arms, realize they're fighting over--Haiti...... $500 billion government study reveals sources of government waste...... Brtiney Spears has Bill Gates lovechild...... College students say they like to drink beer...... Ice fisherman finds out the hard way frozen lake won't support his SUV...... Health News: a growing number of people getting older...... Most Americans Confirm John Bolton's Haircut Is Wiggy...... OJ Maintains Search For "Real Killer" in LA nightclubs...... New generation of plumbers found incompetent, but "they dress better than before"...... Toledo voted "Prettiest City In Ohio"......
Today's Headlines
Newschannel 99 I-Team
The I-Team learns there are NO CHANGING TABLES for young 'uns  in West Virginia's outhouses.  Something smells, and we're there to find out why.  We'll wipe the slate clean in this special report.  Stay tuned for all the poop, tonight at 11.
  The travails of
"Flim Flam," Associate News Producer, Renaissance Man.
   Is it love, or is it just courteous service?  In between crises over his toenails and cell phone ring tones, Flim-Flam attempts to figure out why the waitress at "Perkins" brought him extra french fries... and didn't charge him.
   For a day in the life, launch this.
The technical difficulties we are experiencing are not the fault of your receiver.
Exciting Newschannel 99 Links
















As Seen On Newschannel 99
News You Can Use:
>Slow White Basketball Players
>Goats
>Patrick Swayze Hums Menudo
>Bottled Water
>Photocopiers That We Hate
>No Sugar for You
>James Brown's Paper Bags
>Old People Eating Bologna
>Drying Paint
>Fat Comedians Who Take Off Their Shirts For Cheap Laffs
>Rejected Perkins Menu Items
>Favorite Gravestone Rhymes
>EZ Home Pet Euthanizing Tips
>For Kids: Chutes 'N' Ladders 'N' Heroin
>Flabby Celebrity Male Breasts
>The Unholy Alliance Between Krishna  And Velcro
>"HR Pufnstuf" Sniffed Glue
>For Kids: Michael Jackson's Pick Up Lines
>I Found A Really Old Easter Egg In My Briefcase
>Ugly Orphan Children
>Where's My Teeth
>Trust In Beer
>Home Remedies That Feature Lots Of Hopeful Chanting
>Home Mortgage Quotes That Suck
>"Starland Vocal Band" Burns In Hell
>Howard Dean Is Not Insane, Clinically Speaking
>Snoop Dog For Solicitor General
>Pranks Involving Mayonnaise and Poorly-Tailored Canadians
>"Closet Carnivores" At PETA
>Pastels 'N' Chainsaws
>America's Most Gruesome Paper Cuts
>Lil Kim Handicaps Hog Futures
>Hairy Backs, Beer Bellies, and Speedos
>Really Long Toenails
>Guess What I Buried Last Night
>36 Crazyfists
>Illegal or at least Immoral Abbreviations
>Lint Is Flammable But Not Very Tasty
>Smelly Lutefiske
Please Visit Our Sponsors
Some '73's and '74's Still Left In Stock
Mabel, Another Black Label! Carling Black Label Beer (blurp)
Its Good Enough For A Cartoon Character, why not you, eh?
Brother Can You Spare A Dime? The Government Is Doing Its Part To Pay Off Our Debts.  Are You?
Charities
TM
The New TV Season Is Here!
Fresh programs on Newchannel 99 from the Dumont Television Network!  For a look at the lineup, click here.
Meteorologist Chan Sarain Checks The Wind Velocity and Direction For Your Complete Cloudwatch Forecast
Research.
The Newschannel 99 staff ingeniously digs for stories for tonight's newscast
The I-Team focuses on the new phenomenon of Adult Attention Deficit...

Hey, look at the bunny!
Hanging at the babe magnet  bachelor pad, the "Flam Crib"
Newschopper 99
Behind The Scenes
Copyright 2004-6, D. Snyder
Ensuring that Newschannel 99 is first on the scene to cover breaking news is crucial to our success.  Sadly, the Eyewitness News chopper didn't quite make it