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HIGH NEED CHILDREN
When
our first child was born, like most new parents, we were very excited
to be the parents of this perfect little boy. And while the first few
weeks were a little rough, as we were adjusting to our new role as parents,
for the most part, we thoroughly enjoyed having our new little guy in
our lives. Everyone told us how fortunate we were to have such a "good"
baby. He really was a joy to have around.
So when
we found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child, we eagerly awaited the
time he would join our little family.
When
he was born, while we were in the hospital, He seemed to need a little
more attention then Justin did when he was born. But, I thought, "ok,
every child is different." Since I had a C-section, I was taking Percocet
to control the pain for the first 2 weeks, and I was breastfeeding,
so I was passing along some of the medicine to Nicholas, which made
him a little more subdued and sleepy, and yet, he still seemed to need
more attention than Justin did. In hind sight I realized that the medicine
was making him more sleepy
When I stopped
taking the medicine, it seems our whole world turned upside down! Nicholas
just never seemed to be happy. He cryed and screamed, and no matter what
we did, nothing would soothe him. What worked one time didn't work another
time. The only thing that would work with him on a regular basis, was
to put on a Celine Dion CD, and stand up, swaying to the music. Sometimes
we had to swing him quite forcefully back and forth. My husband and I
would take shifts doing this night and day. Even this didn't work all
the time. We tryed everything, the baby swing-he hated it! Placing him
on the washer during the spin cycle-this only worked once. Riding in the
car-he absolutely screamed his little lungs out, he hated it so much!
A Snugli-he hated that too. Even a sling only worked some of the time-he
didn't like it when I tried to do anything, like cook dinner, or dishes,
or anything, which was the whole point of owning a sling! Poor Justin
got cast in the background. I couldn't deal with the baby and him at the
same time. He watched ALOT of T.V. and movies. Nickelodeon and Winnie
the Pooh were my best friends! I was feeling soooo guilty that I couldn't
spend time with him. My husband came home many times to see me sitting
in the livingroom, crying along with the baby. Sometimes Justin would
be crying too. We were in Parenting HELL! There were so many times I wanted
to throw the child out the window! Now, that may seem cruel for a mother
to feel that way, but those of you who have been, or are going through
this, know all too well, this feeling of frustration and the guilt you
have for feeling this way. Fortunately, I had friends, family, a breastfeeding
consultant, and a La Leche League (LLL) leader who I could call when I
felt like I was about to lose it. I truly believe that if it weren't for
these wonderful people, I don't know what would have happened to Nicky,
or to our family for that matter. You really need a strong support
system to get through all of this.
Through
Mary Homan, my LLL leader, I was introduced
to a book called "The Baby Book". This book helped me to realize that
we had a High Need baby on our hands, and if we were going to make it
as good parents to this child, we needed to completely change our attitudes
and our thinking. First we had to accept Nicky as he was, not that he
had something wrong with him, but that he was his own person, and that
he happened to need alot of attention and holding. Nothing we would
do could change this, so we had to accept it, and go from there. We
had to provide him with plenty of holding, cuddling, attention, and
of course love. It is called Attachment Parenting. To find out
more about this, read, "The Baby Book" by Dr's William and Martha Sears.
Or go to the links below.
Once we
had done this, things got a little easier. Not that Nicholas needed
any less attention, but that our thinking had changed, we knew what
we had to do and did it, so we didn't get as stressed out about it.
Because of all this, and all that we've gone through with him, I feel
like Nicholas and I have a much stronger bond, and I feel much
closer to him then I ever thought possible. I cannot imagine
my life without him. He is my little ray of sunshine, and I wouldn't
change a thing about him! He is still a high need child, most high need
children remain high need, and we deal with it when it comes up, but
God gave us this wonderful little package to take care of, and just
because it isn't "wrapped" just the way we want it, doesn't mean he
is any less of a gift. In fact, I feel his is more of a gift then we
ever thought. He has taught us: Patience, self-control, the meaning
of Unconditional Love, and he showed us that we are stronger than we
thought we were.
If you
are presently having trouble dealing with a high need child, or just
need to talk about it, please e-mail me. I'll be happy to provide a
listening ear, and any help I can. I'd love to hear from you!
To read
more about High Need Children and Attachment Parenting, go to the links
below.
Look
for "The Baby Book" here:
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