Blonde Jokes

Stranded On An Island
Hurting All Over
Pizza Parlor
Dead Birdie
Cooke Machine
The Dog
A Lot To Live For
Mirror Of Truth
Swinging Rope

Stranded On An Island

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Hurting All Over

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

Pizza Parlor

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I
could ever eat twelve.

Dead Birdie

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly,
the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up
and said, Where?

Cooke Machine

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"

She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning."

The Dog

A blonde and a red head were walking along a path in a park. The red head turns to the blonde and says, " poor thing look at the dog with one eye."
The blonde covers one of her eyes and says "where?"

A Lot To Live For

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!"

Mirror Of Truth

There was a Mirror of Truth that if you stood in front of it and told a lie it would suck you into it never to be seen again.

A very ugly man stood in front of it at declared.. "Mirror of Truth.. I think I'm the handsomest man alive" and..."Swoooop"! he was sucked in.

Then a very Fat man stood in front of the mirror and declared..."Mirror of Truth. I think I'm the skinniest man around..." and "Swooop" he was also sucked in.

Then a Blonde woman stood in front of the mirror and declared: "Mirror of Truth...I think...."Swoooop"!

Swinging Rope

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

10 were blondes, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party must let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

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