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Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great. (Luke 6:46-49)
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April 15, 2005
"Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble... Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 8:13, 10:31
I have been reading the 1 book of Corinthians, and these two verses keep appearing in my head. As a follower of Jesus, our action should be God-centered. Whatever we do, we will do it to the glory of God. It's like what my pastor always says, "You are the bible that people read". We are all a reflection of God. We show people what a follower of Jesus is like and make impact on them through our action. But recently, I have been questioning myself. I don't know if I am being a reflection of God. Do I ever stumble anyone just because my action? Do I ever say or do things that might harm other people? I had a conversation with my friends last night. They were telling me I have been doing things that confuse and mislead people. I agree everything that they told me, and I am glad that they were being so honest to me. If my arms are harming other and my tongue is casuing fire, then I will cut them off. I am not saying physically cutting them off so please don't get me wrong, but things have to be stopped if they aren't for the glory of God. If my action causes people to stumble, then I will never do it again so that I will not cause people to stumble. However, I was surprised by what they told me because I didn't know that I have been doing things that are confusing, misleading, or even harming other people. I thought I am being an example to other people. I thought I am always being honest to people, being true to one another. But I was mistaken. I am not doing any of those things. I am not discouraged, nor disappointed, but I am scared. I am scared because I feel like I no longer know myself. I couldn't see myself anymore. When I look in the mirror, I see myself, but that's not the real me. I want to see the real me. I want to see who I am and what I am. God, I know you have been listening to my cry. Show me who I am. When I look in the mirror, I want to see the real me and your image. Let me be your child, the reflection of God once again.
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April 8, 2005
When hope is lost I'll call you Savior
When pain surrounds I'll call you Healer
When silence falls you'll be the song within my heart
These three lines always appear in my head. It reminds me that "God is good... even though life is hard. Just be joyful and thankful for what God gives you". But it is hard to be joyful, to be thankful when I lost my hope, when pain and sorrow surround me, when confusion, depression, disappointment are blinded my eyes. God, teach me how to sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow and to rivers of joy. Teach me how to say blessed be your name when the road marked with suffering. God, I tried, I tired. I am not moving but falling. I feel like I am carrying a big rock. I need strength. I need more strength to carry that rock. More strength...
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Feburary 10, 2005
I am stressed.
I want to get into college of education. I really want to do elementary education and special education. I want to teach elementary school! But my chance to get into college of education is only 25% because they only accept 50 people out of 200 applicants. I am very discouraged. If I don't get in, I will either change my major to secondary education, or I will have to transfer to other school, which is something that I don't want to do. I am scared. I don't know where I will end up. I can't even see my future anymore. I feel like there is a huge mountain on my way. The mountain is so big and heavy that I can't even move it away. I don't know what else I could do besides pray. If you are reading this, please please please please please please please pray for me!!!! Only God could help me at this point. Only God could turn my sorrows become joy. Only God could make the impossibles become possibles!
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January 25, 2005
God is so good to me. I feel so lucky that I don't have to suffer any kinds of pain. I feel so lucky that I could be happy all the time. God is so good to me. I went to Joshua Center with people from AAIV last sunday. It was my fourth time going there. For those who don't know, Joshua Center is a women's homeless shelter. We go there and make dinner for them. Then we have a short devotion time with them. I felt happy every time I went there. It is fun to chat with those homeless women and listen to their interesting story. But this time, I didn't feel that way. I met this lady at the dinner table. I forgot what her name was, so let's call her Miss S. She was sitting with no one because she was late, so I sat with her. She was a very nice lady. We talked for a little bit. Then all of a sudden, she started telling me about her 8 years old son who died two years ago. She told me she still couldn't move on. She feels pain and sorrow all the time because she misses her son so much. She has been suffering for the past two years. Then she started crying. She kept on asking me, "What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" She shared with me that she has drinking problem and sexual problem. She couldn't stop crying as she was sharing about her life. At that moment, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say to her because I have never experienced anything like that in my life. I couldn't come up with any word to say. I started praying to God. I prayed, "God, please speak through me. Deliever your word through me." After a few mins, I opened my mouth and I began to shared with her how God has changed my life, and how much God has done for me. I said to her, "God transformed me. He saved me. He set me free. I know you have been carrying a lot of pain, a lot of sorrow. I know you are confused, you have a lot of questions without answers. You are afraid. But there is a person who is willing to help you, who is willing to save you, who is willing to take all your pain and sorrow for you, who is willing to gave everything to you. His name is Jesus". I started crying as I was sharing with her. I continued, " If you believe in Him, he will come to you. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, or what you did, He will come save you because he loves you so much. He will do anything for you only if you believe in Him. He will set you free. The only way you will be free is through the blood of Jesus Christ". Then I put my hand on her shoulder and I prayed for her. I could feel her pain, her sorrow, I could feel everything as I was praying. I didn't know how she felt. I hope and I pray that God will move her heart through my prayer. I pray that Miss S will turn to God and receive joy, peace and hope from God. God is so good to me, to everybody else. I trust that God will do the same thing to her. God will change her heart. God will transform her life and she will be cleaned. God will give her light and hope. He will take all the "baggage" that she has been carrying in her life. He will take away all her pain and sorrow that she has been suffering. I know that God will do that for her because God loves her so much. "There's one thing, that I'll cling to. You are faithful, Jesus You're true".
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January 11, 2005
"I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true"
This is a song written by Tim Hughes. It is called "When tears fall". This song always encourages me when everytime I listen to it. Last year was the hardest year for me. A lot of bad things happened, and I was dying spiritually. I was so weak that I couldn't even get up. I was afraid. Pain and sorrow was surrounding me. What will you do when pain and sorrow are surrounding you? Tim Hughes finished the song with the following two lines,
"But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true
When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart"
So often people don't look up to God when things happen. They are all blinded by confusion, sorrow, pain, and fears. They are all afraid because they don't know what they could do. Do you ever speak to God when things happen to you? Is He the first person that you approach?
"You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore"
Does God ever leave us when we are in trouble, when we are in danger? Does he just sit there and watch us suffer when we have pain and sorrow, when we are broken? The answer to those questions is... NEVER. He is always there for us and He will never fail us. God is our strength, our supporter, and our SAVIOR. That is the reason why we need to TRUST IN HIM.
"I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing"
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January 3, 2005
Happy New Year!!! It's 2005 already. Time goes really fast. There are so many things that I want to accomplish this year. It's kinda scary to think about it, but I know I can do it because I know God will help me. Anyway, I saw "The Classic" today. It was a good movie. I almost cried because I was so touched by the story. It is not easy to have a relationship with the person that you like. Moreover, it is not easy to have a relationship that will last forever. I am really happy for those people who have a good relationship. I guess I will use my friend as an example. My friend started going out with this girl since last year. Throughout the year, they struggled a lot in this relationship. They aruged a lot. They were discouraged by a lot of people because people had been gossipping behind their back. But yet, they didn't give up this relationship. They kept on trying. Even though they suffered a lot of pain in this relationship, they didn't let it go. Last night, it was their one year anniversary. My friend made her a video. As I was watching it with them, I was really happy for them. I was happy because they really like each other. Although they had a lot of problems, disappointments, arugments, in the past, they still love each other so much. They didn't give up on each other. That really amazed me. I never date before, so I don't know how it feels like to have a relationship. I have no idea what problems I will have in a relationship. I don't have a clue. However, one thing I know is that it is not easy to be with a person that you like. As the new year begins, I wish that everyone will hold on to their relationship. Don't let it go. It is not easy to have a relationship, but it is so easy to lose a relationship.
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