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Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great. (Luke 6:46-49)

December 5, 2006
I missed work yesterday because I had to go back to the hospital and follow up with my doctor. My doctor said my back pain is caused by a strain of the muscles or ligaments that support the spine. He said it is a very common injury. He gave me some medicine to take, and asked me to follow up with another doctor on Thursday.

I was talking to my supervisor about my students' behavior since I didn't go to work yesterday. My supervisor told me one of my students refused to go to her afternoon classes yesterday because I wasn't there to take her. She complained to my supervisor that she wouldn't go to her classes with anyone except Mr. Chu. I was having mix emotions when I heard that. I felt a little bit disappointed because she didn't go to her classes. She is a little bit behind so it wasn't a good idea for her to ditch her classes. But at the same time, I felt happy because I didn't know she likes me that much. I thought she is a brat because she always gives me attitude when she talks to me and she always does things to piss me off. I guess she does have her sweet side, haha... My other student found out I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so she bought me a book as a gift. The book is called "Super Fly Guy". I couldn't stop smiling when I saw the book. It was so sweet of her. Although my kids act like some crazy aliens most of the time, they are all good kids with good hearts. It is funny that kids don't express their feelings when you are with them. But when you aren't with them, they will miss you like crazy and they will become the sweetest children that you have never seen before.

November 17, 2006
God, I am so thankful that I am still alive.
I am so thankful that I could still breathe, walk, talk, feel, see, hear, and update my lovely website.

You might begin to wonder, "Edmund Chu, what in the world are you talking about? It seems like you just had some kind of near death experience or something". Yes, I just had a near death experience tonight, and I thought I was gonna die. Seriously, I thought I was. I thought tonight was the end of the life of Edmund Chu. But God saved me. God performed miracles, just like how Jesus healed the sick, the blind amd the mute. God saved my life. Haha... I am sure you must be very confused right now because you have no idea what I am talking about. Alright, alright, I will explain what happened to me tonight, in details.

It was around 9pm on Friday night. I was driving my sister's mini cooper on highway I-88, on my way to Bethel church. I was going to meet up with John Choi at church around 9:45pm and head over to his apartment. I was planning to sleepover at his apartment this weekend so that I don't have to wake up early for my church meeting and worship practice on saturday. If you read my previous xanga, you probably would know I had a pretty bad day at work today. So I was quite excited for this weekend. I just couldn't stop thinking about this weekend while I was driving.

Suddenly, some vehicle from behind braked very hard. I immediately checked my rear mirror as I heard some braking noise. I saw there was a vehicle right behind me. The next thing I knew was, my car was rear-ended by an unknown vehicle. I was driving slower than usual because I was driving my sister's mini cooper. Usually I drive slow when I drive other people's car. I was just going below 70mph. I didn't know how fast the vehicle was going. From what I saw on my rear mirror, I am sure he was going at least 20mph faster than me. My car lost control as soon as I got hit. Then my car hit the left side of the highway and it flipped over. I thought I was going to die when my car flipped over. I thought it was the end of me. But instantly, I started praying in my mind, "God, I don't want to die. Save me".

I was out conscious after my car flipped over, so I didn't really remember what exactly happened during the crash. When I woke up, I was still in my car. My car was facing the opposite direction of the highway because of the flip. I saw five crashed cars were in front of me. I was confused as heck because I didn't know what happened. All I could remember was I got hit by a car and my car flipped over. I was scared. My body started to shake and I started to cry. I didn't know what happened to me, but all I knew was I am still alive. I couldn't stop thanking God because He saved my life. I didn't know who else could save me from such horrible car accident besides our one and only God. It was all God.

Surprisingly, I was not injuried. Nothing happened to my body. I was perfectly fine physcially. Not only God saved my life, He also protected my body. I can't think of anything else to say besides "praise God". God is truly amazing. At that moment, I wanted to call home because I was scared as heck and I wanted to tell my parents I am ok, but I couldn't find my phone. I didn't know where my phone went after the crash. So I went out from my car and tried to see if I could use someone's cellphone to call home. Unbelievablely, my cell phone was sitting on the floor, about 10 feet away from my car, in one piece. I hooked up the battery and turned it on. It worked!!! My phone flew out from my car during the crash and it still worked!!! Not only God saved my life and protected my body, He also protected my phone!!! How awesome He is!!!

However, I was still being sent to the hospital because the policemen wanted to make sure I didn't have any injury after the car accident. When I was at the hospital waiting for check up, I closed my eyes and I couldn't stop thanking God for what He had done to me. What he did to me was priceless. As I was praying and giving thanks to God, I thought about my family, my close friends, the girl I like, my cantonese crew, my AAIV friends, my bethel family, my ricebox small group members, and other people I know of. I never thought about what it would be like if I can't see them anymore until tonight. I was so glad and happy that I could still be able to talk to them, see them, make fun of them, pray with them, hang out with them, and care for them. So don't freak out if I hug you the next time I see you. I am not being heebie or anything. I am just being thankful because I didn't lose you. I am so thankful God did take away anything from this car accident, besides my sister's lovely mini cooper. Her car was totaled.

I am thankful for everything that God has done for me.
I am thankful for those who love me and care for me.

Wow... I am still alive. Priase God!!!

October 23, 2006
I don't want to give up
But I have to give up
It is time for me to end it
It is time for me to let go
and let God...

October 9, 2006
Wow... I haven't touched this site for a while. I guess it is time for me to update :)

I finally found a job!!! I am currently a special education teacher assistant at May Watts Elementary School. Work has been stressful, very stressful. You have to be prepared physically, mentally and spiritually because everyday is a battle. Since the students from my classroom have emotional disorder, they are very unstable emotionally. They will get very frustrated when they are tired or stressed. They act like normal kids when they are emotionally calm. However, things will get very ugly when they are frustrated. They will hit things, kick things, push things, run out from the classroom, swear at you, throw things at you, say things aren't appropriate at you. You will never find peace in the classroom because something always happens. If you aren't prepared, the students will ruin your day. Working in a special education classroom is extremely tiring. The students always need your attention because they can't really do things on their own. When they do things wrong, you have to correct them. This is probably the hardest part of this job because most of them don't listen, especially when they are frustrated. Talking to them is like a mind game. You have to be very patient talking to them until they give up and listen to you. Although working at a school is difficult, I still like it a lot :)

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Yes yes yes... It is relationship stuff again. I don't know what in the world I am doing, or thinking. I know what she is thinking. She doesn't like me. She doesn't want relationship at the moment. But, I still like her a lot. I know I have to take a step back from her. I know all the things that I should not be doing, but I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about her, stop liking her. I prayed about this a few days ago. I asked God to take this feeling away from me if she is not the one for me. If she is the one, I prayed to God that He will give me patience to wait until the time comes.

Other than my relationship issue, I have been thinking about teaching overseas. I am considering to teach in Tawian or Korea for one year. I want to do this while i am still young and energetic, but I am not sure if I am qualified to teach overseas. I am not sure if I need a teaching degree, or need to take training classes in order to do so. I have to find out more about it. So, this is just a random thought for now. I haven't made any decision about that yet. I still want to do a little bit more thinking and praying. Hopefully things will work out :)

August 8, 2006
I am stressed...
I am tired...
God, I need your help.

One thing I am stressed about the most at the moment is my job search. It is August now, and I still haven't found a job for this coming year. Since my family aren't doing so well financially, I really need a job so that I could support myself. I met the requirment for most of the teacher assistant jobs, but I don't understand why they won't hire me. Is it my problem? or theirs? I am getting really frustrated because I feel really useless at the moment. I have a college degree and it doesn't get me to anywhere. how funny that is.

Another thing I am stressed about is my family. I have been having a difficult time communicating with my family. I guess I am not used to living at home since I haven't been home for a long time because of college. I feel like there is a cultural difference between us. Since my family aren't americanized at all, the way how they think, or see things is different. One time, we got into an argument because of a comment that I made to my mom. I talked to my mom about something and she wasn't listening. So I asked her, "Hey mom, what did I just say?" My sister got pissed because she thinks I was being rude, but I wasn't. I just want to make sure she heard what I said because it was kinda important. I didn't really aruge with my sister because I know she won't get my point. Sigh... I feel like I am living in a different country when I am at home. It kinda frustrates me because I don't know how to communicate with them anymore.

July 6, 2006
I have never felt this way before...
I.... really like this girl.

I have liked someone before. In the past, I wanted to date people just because I have feelings for them, just because, "ah, I think I like this girl, blah blah blah...". But this time, it is different. I am extremely serious about this. I am not looking for a stupid high school dating game. I am looking for the real game. I want date for marriage this time. I want to use this relationship to honor God, to glory God. I want this relationship to be God-centered. It might be a little bit early to think about marriage, but it is not harmful to have that in mind. The purpose of having a relationship is to consider marriage, so it wouldn't be bad if I keep that in mind, but not excussively thinking about it. But then, I think I still need to think about it a little bit more, pray about it a little bit more before I do anything. I need to make sure I am doing this in god's time, not my time.

I never thought that I would like her this much. She is a very encouraging and funny (a little bit crazy sometimes) girl. What caught my attention is her passion to serve God. It really motivates and encourages me when I see her running around, helping people out, talking to people and stuff. I can't wait to see how God would use her to spread his words and expand his kingdom.

I have been thinking about her... ever since I realized I like her. It is hard to avoid thinking about it. I tried keeping myself busy, but it didn't work. However, the good thing is that it didn't affect me spiritually at all. Because of this feeling, it makes me want to focus on God even more. I really need God to be the center of my life. My action is gonna be the reflection of my heart, not my mind. God really helps me in this situation. He showed me that I have to be patient. If I truly trust in Him and believe that He has a perfect one for me, then there is no need to rush things because things will eventually happen according to His time.

But... I do worry. I don't want to lose this one...
God... If you did plan all these, would you continue to guide me and protect me? If this feeling isn't from you, please take it away from me.

November 7, 2005
I am blessed when I think of the moment when people encouraged me.
I am even more blessed when someone actually remembers the encouragement that I gave, and the person was really encouraged by it.

October 29, 2005
I thought I already moved on.
But I didn't.
I thought the feeling isn't there anymore.
But it's still somewhere in my heart.
I thought I stopped thinking about her.
But I think about her every single night.
I thought I don't like her anymore.
But I still like her so much.

What should I do now?
Tell her? Or just let it go?
Express it? Or just hide it?
Go for it? Or just forget about it?
What should I do?

September 19, 2005
Happy Birthday Edmund...

I want to thank God for giving me air to breath for 21 years. Last night, I was reflecting upon the past, and wondering, "where would I be without God?" If it wasn't God, I will never realize how stupid and how selfish I used to be. It is God who transformed me into a new person and gave me life and hope.

"I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see."

I want to thank my parents for everything that they have done in the past 21 years. It is not easy to raise a naughty child like Edmund. Thank you for being so patient, caring and giving to me. They gave me more than I asked for. Without their support, I don't think I could ever go to college and be educated. Thanks Mom and Dad.

I want to thank all my brothers and sisters in Christ. You guys are my encouragement. Thank you for those who have been praying for me and being there with me when I am down. Let's continue to follow God's footsteps and proclaim that He is our God!

I want to thank those who wished me happy birthday. Every word that you said to me is really meaningful to me. Your words are worth more than any of the birthday gifts that I received. People say, "A picture's worth a thousand words." I say, "A word's worth more than a thousand dollars."

My birthday wishes are: Be healthy, Continue to seek God, and Go to africa for missions!

Once again, Happy Birthday Edmund...

July 24, 2005
Questions such as "Where the heck were Edmund?", "What have Edmund been doing?", "Why did Edmund want to 'step aside from the world'?", "Is Edmund doing alright?" might be flying around your head right now. I am doing extremely fine physically and spiritually. I am also doing fine at school. I just finished summer school. Hopefually I could ace all my classes. Anyway, the reason why I was disappeared because I want to spend time with myself and think. There is one thing that has been in my mind ever since I got back from Hong Kong. It is not girl, nor school stuff. I have been thinking whether I should go to a different church or not. I visited a church in hong kong where my sister used to go before my family moved to United States. It is a really small church. It is even smaller than my christian fellowship group at school. I was a little worried before I visited, but God wiped my worries away. I enjoyed going to this church a lot. I would honestly say this church is the best church I have ever been to in my whole life. I was so blessed and I learned so much there. People there were awesome. Although most of them did not know me, they still treated me like a brother, not a stranger. We ate lunch together, sang hymns together, prayed together. I felt like I was part of their family. More importantly, I could focus on God fully there. We did not do anything specially but simply just sang hymns, studied the bible, and pray together. I was so overwhelmed by everything that I experienced in this church.

However, this feeling disappeared as soon as I got back to the states. There is no overwhelming feeling when i go to my church. I feel so dry there. I always hope that I could learn something that could bless me, but it never happens. Moreover, I can't even focus on God there anymore. People there are either tired from serving because they haven't been fed for a long time, or continuously making stupid comments about the sunday worship. One time, people kept telling me to adjust the sound during worship because they thought the worship did not sound as good as it supposed to be. Then some people told me how tired they are from serving after the service. What the heck is this? Does the quality of worship really matter? Is serving more important than getting rest and being fed spiritually? What is the purpose of going to Church?

I went to my old church in Warrenville last week. The speaker Jim Star reminded me what church is all about. First, he talked about how people "paraphrase" the bible differently. There are different versions of bible. There are NIV, New King James, NSAB, and such. Different bible has different translation. Then He read a bible verse from John 20. It goes, "Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, peace be with you". The NIV bible used words "among them" instead of "in their midst". He thinks "in their midst" is the better translation because it emphasizes the importance of Jesus. Jesus is not just among us but also in our midst. He is like the focus point in a circle. This is the purpose of Church. Church is a place where God's people are gathered and remember Jesus is IN OUR MIDST. This is why we break the bread, take the cup, sing worship songs, study the word of God every sunday. God is the only thing that we focus on, not musical worship or serving. Serving and worship are imporant, but What is more imporant than God who is always in our midst?

June 21, 2005
I am going to step aside from the world for a month. During this period, I won't post anything on my journals, talk to anyone online, and pick up any phone calls. Yes yes, I am being anti-social. Sorry if I made you disappointed. I just think that I need to spend some time with myself. People will get you distracted you know?

June 13, 2005
Am I being anti-social? Recently, I don't feel like seeing people, or talking to people. I feel like being alone. I rather lock myself in my room than go out with friends. I am not saying I don't like my friends so please don't get me wrong. I love them from the bottom of my heart. But there is a time that you just don't want to have interaction with people. You just want to spend time with no one but yourself and think about stuff that is going in your life. That is what I have been doing.

June 6, 2005
Summer school started last week. It is not bad at all. I like my classes and my professors. Both of my professors are very funny. Because of their funniness, they make me stay up and pay attention the whole time. For those of you who don't know, most of the summer classes are at least two hours long. You might wonder, "Wow, the classes are two hours long and Edmund didn't fall asleep? No way! I don't believe this." Too bad, it is happening. I stay up in my two hours long classes. I am improved, right?

May 29, 2005
I am back from Hong Kong!!! Hong Kong was awesome!!! Although I only stayed there for two weeks, I really enjoyed it and I wish I could stay there a little bit longer. It was my first time going back since I came to United States. Hong Kong is so different now. I went back to the apartment building where I used to live. They built a train station right in front of my house. Dang it, why couldn't they build it when I was still in Hong Kong? haha... Anyway, I visited a lot of people that I haven't seen and haven't talked to since I left Hong Kong. I visited my old neighbors, family, and friends. Haha... they can't even recognize me anymore. It was really good seeing them again. Besides people, one thing that I am probably gonna miss the most is the food, hahaha...

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