Chapter 12: Tadan and Luitha, the Dastardly Duo
 
 

VSDPEF- Tadandader HalfElven
April 19th, afternoon.

Special thanks to Glorfindel for letting me borrow his Asfaloth. Now am riding with Luitha to search for Haldir. Ugh, miss Elrond already. When we get back, he is going to give me another of those excellent massages. Will need one after this day.

”Ah, what's that up ahead?” Tadan squinted and peered through the trees. “Oh, just a random ELF.” She pulled her chloroform gun and shot him. Hopping off their Asfaloths, she and Luitha searched the fallen elf. Tadan dug through his pockets and pulled out a short message.

"All but two DWARFS headed toward Rivendell. Capture the other two."

”Um, I think I have a bad feeling about this, Luitha.”

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Undomiel meanwhile was not with the Rivendell group. She was walking through the wood and came upon a rather interesting situation.

“Is that . . . yup.” She put on her best ‘elf’ demeanor, tossed her cloak back, and leaned over the hole. “Ai na vedui . . . mae govannen!” She called. Hadir looked up in surprise, seemingly convinced. Kelsey took the cue beautifully.

"Elen sila lumenn', Omentielvo!” she called back.

If Haldir isn't convinced we're elves by now, I'm a real dwarf, Undomiel thought slyly. "Do you need some help down there?" she asked, tossing a rope down the hole. Haldir, Orli, and Kelsey climbed out.

"What can I do to repay this favor?" Haldir asked.

"Lead us to Imladris, for that is to where I was journeying," Undomiel responded, and gave a wink to Kelsey. Haldir nodded and immediately began to Rivendell.

"Why don't we just up and leave with Orli," Kelsey whispered.

"Because that would blow our cover,” Undomiel responded. “And I don't have a hairdryer. Do you?"

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Tadan and Luitha flew like the wind, urging their Asfaloths into giving another burst of speed.

“None of the others know that the ELFs are on to DWARF,” Tadan called ahead to Luitha. “We’re riding as hard as we possibly can, but I have a feeling we won't make it in time!”

“How in Elbereth's name did the ELF find out?! Who squealed?” Luitha called back. “Is that an elf in the trees? A blond, tall, greenish elf?” Luitha slowed. “Tadan! Make a distraction! I'll hide in the bushes and jump him!”

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The rest of the elf hunters followed Haldir into Rivendell as soon as Kelsey and Undomiel caught up to them. Lots and lots of elves turned out to see them, and there was even a welcoming crowd waiting. The hunters began to relax. This could be fun!

"I am going back to camp to see how Legolas is keeping up.” Kelsey whispered to the group as they came to the entrance. “We left him alone for a frightfully long time. He probably wants someone to 'beautify his hair"...again. Take care and make sure you bring Orli back to camp! And mind you, dont get lost or caught!"

Kelsey left the party silently through a green thicket on the side, so silently that even Haldir didn't notice.

"Greetings, foreign elves," one of the cuter, blonder, leggier elves was saying. "We would like to welcome you to Rivendell. Please do join us in the banquet hall, we were hoping you would share with us the tale of who you are and where you came from while we all enjoy a fabulous feast."

Undomiel answered something in flawless elf-speak, and the others looked around.

“Why is everyone looking at us like that?” Lizard leaned over to whisper to Nimrodel. “I mean, sure, we're a hot bunch of elves, but I didn't think elves tended to be the lusty types.”

“Wait, that's not lust... I don't know what sort of expression I just caught on Haldir's face, but it wasn't lust.” Nim responded.

“Cletus is working on the issue, or he will be once he's finished giggling at the funny stuff thread,” Lizard told her.

A little voice came from her ear. "That Mariana... Too much, I tell you! She's too much!"

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VSDPMF- El luitha uren
 April 19

Elf saw the horses just after I hid in bushes. Started creeping toward them- strange, would make more sense if he'd just approached them. They WERE Elven horses. Hiding in bushes, jumped out and pummelled him across the head with branch just as he walked by. Oops, think he's out now. Turn him over...

LEGOLAS!!!!

Darnitall stupid elf. And my fellow elf-hunters are not going to be happy with the nice bruise spreading across his eye. And it's a pretty bruise too. Am tempted to whack him again, but figure I'd better not. And he's unconsious too. Now impossible to question him. Darnit Luitha- had another blonde moment. TOLD you not to do that anymore!

Tadan prodding me on the shoulder. Must go warn other DWARVES about danger- ELF knows about quest for Orli. WHY do these plans always backfire? Can't take Legolas with us- tie him to tree with elf rope. Hopefully he'll be out for a long, long, long time... Leap on Asfaloth and get ready for take off.

Was that a rustle in the leaves behind me?

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"So, what brings you ladies to Rivendell?" asked Haldir as they were ushered into a nice big banquet hall.

"Fashion of course!", Tinuviel said, "We're all from Lothlorien, and we were getting tired of the color green, so we came here to get a glimpse of purple! Right girls?"

"Purple!" said the DWARF's in unison.

"Purple, eh?" said Haldir, in a strange tone.

"Yess..." Tinuviel said.

"My, you look tired and just a bit worn from your trek," the lead elf said solicitously. "Why this small group of you come into the washroom to freshen up?"

Shrugging, Lizard and Nim walked into one washroom while the hunters split up and head into some of the other small rooms.

The door slammed shut behind them.

"We've decided purple is out of season, and if you really were from Lothlorien, you would have read it in our newsletter!!" Haldir voice could be heard from beyond..

"Oh, well...uh...take this!!" Through the door, Lizard and Nim heard Undomiel whip out her hairdryer, only to find the low battery warning blinking. She sighed. “Looks like I've pulled a Lizard…”

“They found out! Run for your lives, ladies! Run, run!” Mariana started panicking and running in circles. “How did they find out!? I thought it was a wonderful plan to get Richard Taylor and Peter Owen to do our makeup!”
 
An elf steps away from the door, having followed Lizard and Nimrodel inside. It wasn’t a washroom, it was a CELL!

"Ah-ha! We've got you now!" the elf chortled. He seized Lizard’s pack and rifled through until he found- horrors!- her drool cup! Another elf in white gloves ran a finger over Nimrodel's shoulder. It came up smudged.

"Humans," he drawled in disgust. "A true elf repells dirt."

At that moment, divided and conquered and put away into a prison, Lizard heardCletus say, "Wait! That look of Haldir's! He's onto you!"

Now he tells her...

Eventually Mariana, and the rest were thrown in with the unhappy Lizard and her cellmate Nimrodel.

“What do we do now?” Mariana didn’t look happy either.

Lizard sighed. “I was too blonde to resist trouble and Mariana's bunch wasn't fast enough. Why are we ALWAYS getting captured? Those elves are too good for us. I feel so horribly defeated... WAIT!” The hunters all jumped and looked at Lizard accusingly for her shout.

 “My lizard senses are tingling. Legolas is in trouble! Legolas needs me! I WILL WIN FREE!” Lizard jumped up, bright-eyed and full of energy like Popeye after a can of  spinach. “Come girls, let's get down to some SERIOUS planning!”

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Tinuviel came up from under the table, where she had dropped her fork. “Heyyy...where is everybody?"  She looked suspiciously at the group of elves that had now left the table and were heading for... a bathroom?

“Wouldn't want to be stuck in THAT line!” she muttered. “Good thing I avoided the shellfish... Hey... wait a second..." She got back under the table again and crawled toward the hall entrance.
 
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”Umm... problem here...” Tadan looked at Luitha.

AMBUSH!!! Not again! “Run Tadan!”

Asfaloth (ur... both of them) take off. Elves followed on horses, they knew how to prepare. Luitha and Tadan fleed from the perusing ELF.

“Where’s my walkie-talkie!” Tadan hollered as they pounded down the trail.

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Lizard rifled through her bag and pulled out a walkie-talkie. “SEE! I noticed it this time.”

"Hello? Anyone out there? We're stuck in a room just off of the banquet hall in Rivendell! S.O.S! We need help!"

An unexpected voice answered. "Lizard? Is that you? Some members of ELF just untied me from a tree. They thought I was caught trying to escape. Where are you? Where's Nim? I miss you guys!"

LEGOLAS!

"Listen, I found someone's walkie-talkie by the tree,” Legolas continued. “The other elves are leading me back to Rivendell. I'll try and help you if I can. I miss the Tae Bo... Isn't that what you girls call it?"

”Happy day! Legolas is going to help!” Lizard announced.

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Kelsey crept quietly down the trail and stopped in terror. Elves were sitting around gathered off to the side, questioning Legolas, who for some reason had left camp.

Kelsey stared at the group for a moment, but was quickly noticed. An elf approached.

"Mae Govannen!" he said. Kelsey smiled.

"Well met! I was wondering what a bunch of elves was doing on the road," she said courteously.

"Taking care of business. Who are you?" asked the elf.

"Oh...uh...yes, I was lost in the woods," Kelsey replied. “I’m from Mirkwood.”

"Ah, yes! So far from home!" the elf said pointing in the distance. "Come, you will find refuge with us!" He said as the group picked up and marched to Rivendell.

Tinuviel watched cautiously as the group of elves approached the entrance, then recognized Kelsey. She stood up and tried to look excited about having caught the DWARFs.

"What is going on here?", the head elf asked her.

"Mortals. They've caught them with the ol' bathroom trick! So foolish." Tin replied.

"Great! Everything is going exactly as planned."

"Not everything..." Tinuviel breathed quietly.

"What was that?" says the elf.

"Oh nothing!"

As the host of elves continued, Tinuviel, Kelsey, and Legolas broke off. Legolas still carried the walkie-talkie he had found, and he lead them to the cell that held their fellow DWARF members.

"Ai! I told you not to get caught!" Kelsey laughed in delight. “Now lets go back to camp!"

”Wow, that was easy! Last time we had a hard time to escape! Thanks girls and Legolas.” Mariana looked impressed, and she gave Legolas a big smooth in thanks. He turned red and mumbled incoherently.

“Legolas and I are going to get out of here. You all follow behind in a few minutes. We’ll go and set up a new camp for you.” Kelsey announced before she and Legolas walked out of the cell.

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Luitha and Tadan were distinctly peeved as they raced away from the ELF. This was not what they had in mind.

“They must already be captured!” Luitha called. “Let’s head for Rivendell and get them out!”

“Let’s get us out!” Tadan called back, looking over her shoulder to see angry elves not far behind. The Asfaloths lept a hedge and the duo landed in...

The main court at Rivendell. Elves everywhere.

Oh this is just great, Luitha thought.

The pursuing horses hadn’t arrived yet, Luitha and Tadan had had a greater lead than they thought. The elves in court were staring at them curiously. The Asfaloths stopped and stood quietly in the court, the watching elves were silent in confusion. The only noise was that of pounding hooves in the distance. Both sides waited...

Luitha stood up in her stirrups. "They went that way! They stole the horses!" she yelled, pointing toward the direction from which she had just come. The  watching elves took off to run out of Rivendell, right into the charging ambush.

Tadan grinned at the suddenly empty court. “Which door is it? And why is that cricket laughing at us?”

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Junipur called out for Tinuviel, couching behind a bush and watching the chaos ensue in the halls of Rivendell. “No one ever hears me,” she muttered. “I ought to just move to Hobbiton. Nothing like this ever happens there.”

“Junipur!” I’m coming!” Tin ran over to her and waited for the others to come. “Okay, lets break for it and head into the forest!”
 

Kelsey and Legolas were back in the forest, searching for a new camp. A buzz sounded in the walkie-talkie.

"Hello? Okay we are out of Rivendell. Where is the new camp?" It sounded like Tinuviel.

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”What is this! We come to rescue you and you leave without us!?” Luitha and Tadan stared at an empty cell.

Luitha snorted in disgust, muttering “elf-lovers” under her breath. She and Tadan ran back to their horses and turned their heads with the intent of leaving, but found there was a slight problem.

They were surrounded.

“Oops,” Luitha said weakly. “Guess they caught us.”

“They’re telling us to surrender.” Tadan told her.

A tall, silver-haired Elf approached the duo. "What have you done with the Elves?"

"Mainly talked, and some us have done Tae-Bo. Nothing to worry about." Tadan answered.

"Where is Elrond? You are the one who had the purple boot trap. We know this because we saw you set it up. What have you done with him!"

"Well, I took him to Disney World, and we, er, hung out together. He seemed to like it." Tadan answered with a straight face. She leaned over to whisper to Luitha, “Any ideas about how to get away? They're bringing out the Elf rope!"

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Mariana, Tinuviel, and Junipur ran as fast as they could through the forest. Mariana stopped and breathed heavily.

“Okay guess we're safe now... That's it, I won't stay here anymore!!! These elves ‘care nothing about the troubles of others’!”

“Wait a minute,” Tinuviel suddenly looked horrified. “Who’s got Orli?”

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Tin’s urgent voice came over Luitha’s walkie-talkie. She snorted.

”We're surrounded and they're concerned about Orli.” She cleared her throat, as Tadan’s negotations didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

“We have more purple boats.”

The elf looked at her sharply. “More purple boots?”

”Lots of purple boots. Purple cloaks too. And frilly pink dresses for those of you that consider pink to be the new purple…”

”Where?”

Whoa, elf in my face. Easy up there elfy. Stand down… Luitha suddenly had the feeling her personal bubble was being violated.

"The boots and Elrond are all at our camp! If you follow us..." Tadan joined in.

A second Elf glared disdainfully at her. "We've already been to your camp. They aren't there."

Tadan gulped. "Um, well.....The keys to Lizard's shop are there! And at the shop is where you'll find everything and one!"

The Elves looked at each other. The first one spoke again. "I think we should keep them here, securely tied, until we do find everyone."

The second elf nodded, and four Elves stepped forth to flank Luitha and Tadan.

"Get off your horses, and you will not be hurt. Otherwise, we shall pull you down."

Tadan looked at Luitha. Luitha looked at Tadan. They both shrugged. And they both leaped into action.

“Tadan! Catch!” Luitha tossed a Lembas Launcher at Tadan. Tadan caught it and started shooting, while flailing wildly with her legs.

“Take That! And that!” she called with a gleeful grin.

"You want me! Come and claim me!" Luitha pulled out her own Lembas Launcher and started firing madly. Elves cursed and ducked under tables. Luitha kicked the elf closest to her stirrup- another black eye. “Ooh, sorry!”

Many elves started running in different directions. “I don’t think they expected us to act logically and not fight back!” Luitha yelled above the zipping of fired lembas.

“I’m a Half Elf!” Tadan called back! “That means I don’t have to BE logical!”

Asfaloth jumped forward and peeled out. Luitha continued firing over his rump. “Ooh, they are NOT going to like those bruises...”

”Okay, Luitha, head for the ...oh, shoot! Where are we going? The Elves have found our camp! And they are pursuing on some of my horses!” Tadan looked indignant. “The thieves! Oh, maybe it is fair considering the bruises we've both put on them, and the lembas stuck in their hair. I don't think they are happy at all.”

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Somehow, in all the chaos that followed, Luitha and Tadan managed to escape Rivendell and gallop like mad away from the elves. They met up with Mariana, Tinuviel, and company in the woods, and the group finally made it to the new camp that Kelsey had set up.

Mariana collapsed. “Are we safe, are we safe?”

“Yeah, think so,” Tinuviel replied wearily. “Who’re we missing?”

“Orli.” Mariana told her.

“Uhh…. Lizard?” Luitha said.
 
 
 
 
 

El Luitha 'uren
June 2002
Elluitha@rivendell.zzn.com