CHAPTER 4: Out of the Ambush, Into the Elf Pit
 
 

VSDPEF- Tadandader HalfElven
April 12th, midafternoon

Luitha rather miffed at me, thought she knew I meant I would take Glorfindel's Asfaloth away, not hers.

Was eating at store when lots and lots of Elves charged. Was rather funny when the others passed out. Then I started laughing so hard I choked and blacked out. That Dwarf was trying on Dresses!!!!!!

Woke up with a splitting head- and throat- ache. Walked back to camp to find Luitha hanging upside down. Not quite sure what happened, though she was muttering about Elrond. I let her down. We seem to be catching ourselves more than Elves.

The Elves also broke free Elladan, so now Saffron won't know what I tried to do for her. Seem to be apologizing a lot lately.

On plus side, have heard it is Elrond who stole my cloak. Luckily I installed a tracking device. I will have my Elf yet!

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VSDPEF- Tinuviel80
Day 2: Mid-day.

Thoroughly exhausted. Decided to go eat lunch at Lizards with rest of miserable elf hunters. Was helping myself to a nice glass of Miruvoir, when strange noises were heard coming from the camp. Many, many elves were running around ransacking almost every garment in the area! Very disappointing, as was looking forward to a nice gander at Elladan, which Tanandader has supposedly caught. Not sure if I even believe her now, as Elladan isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and we had him locked in an electromagnitized cage. El Luitha pursued on Asfaloth, but that's a dead end. Silly man lover, don't you know nothing can outlast an elf? They just keep going and going and going...

Have set another trap with Undomiel and Lizard. Going for Gildor this time, as Glorfindel is too much of a giggler... this had better work...

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VSDPEF- Tadandader HalfElven
April 12th, still.

Used tracking device to get to Elf-city. Now am lost, because I don't know where the camp is. But am having fun gazing at Elves. Hope they don't notice the drool.

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VSDPEF- Nimrodel
Day 3

Luitha must have mistaken her pervy hobbit fancying ranger for my elf. Everyone knows Legolas likes GREEN! He would never be caught in pink and purple! What a debacle! Getting difficult to have a decent meal around here. My poor co. of elf hunters starting to get discouraged, am going to try to find something to cheer them up....

Where did Tadan go?

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VSDPEF- Undomiel9
April 12 -- late afternoon

Set another trap with Lizard and Tinuviel. Now they are apparently going after Gildor. Can't quite understand why. Personally, I find Glorfindel's giggling endearing. Ah, well. To each her own. I'll help them get Gildor, and just hope they'll help me with Glorfindel.

Although, report from Nimrodel had a very interesting photo of an elf named "Figwit." Strange name. Doesn't completely make sense to me. But not bad to look at.

On an unfortunate note . . . my pretty dress that I got from Lizard's shop for the "damsel in distress" bit was stolen in the raid. Very unhappy. Have to wear old boots and pants getup that I started out this mission with. How am I ever going to get an elf looking like this. And may I say . . . long hair is great and all . . . but trying to keep it looking nice all the time is a pain. The braids keep getting mussed. Hmmph.

Hobbits still trying to practice archery while on one another's shoulders. Very curious creatures, hobbits.

Worried about Lizard . . . she just keeps wandering around saying "lost . . . lost. Everything is lost. Clothes . . . boots . . . elves . . . everything." The raid really must have hit her bad.

Decided to go off searching on my own for a while . . . found Tinuvie passed out with a bottle of chloroform next to her. What is this coming to? Brought her back to camp, to sit with Tinuviel and Lizard. Am heading out again, though.

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VSDPEF- Lizard219
Day 3

Am ready to rejoin hunt. Spent day in back room of store, burning the borrowed compact and the shoes I was wearing last night, lest someone match them to a certain footprint. ::glancing around furtively:: Oh no! That darn ring wraith was peeking in my window, the one I fired and have kicked in the bum at least once... Hope he doesn't snitch.

Helped set elf trap as first act of business. Carefully made map of all traps still at large. Then promptly mislaid map. ::smacking forehead:: D'oh!

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Lizard walked in the woods, thinking, trying to come up with something BRILLIANT to capture those elves and realizing she should have brought a walkie-talkie.

A twig crackled. Elrond! “Wait a sec...” Lizard watched him in stunned shock. “Tadandader was tracking you right to the elven city...”

"You think she'll be upset that I propped my cloak up on a dummy?" snickered Elrond. "As if an elf would fall for the old tracking device in the cloak trick. PUL-LEASE."

Lizard started thinking of Tadandader's potential disappointment. NO! It won't go down like that! She thought. But when I just jump into action, I always do something stupid. Will not be stupid this time. She studied Elrond with a calculating look.

"So why tell me? What do I have to do with it?"

Elrond pulled out her map. The sneaky bugger! She thought furiously. He must've lifted it from my pockets while I was wandering about! He spread it out, edging reluctantly closer, and pointed at a mark. Tadandader's boot trap.

"I want those boots. That ranger-who-would-be-king, the ingrate, took the last pair from the Banana Republic. Now this is all there is left in my manly yet elegant size. Help me get them."

"And what's in it for me? Tadan is a friend of mine... Always has a drool cup when you need one, lends a helping compact when you accidentally mush someone's face..."

"Legolas. I'll hand over Legolas." Elrond pouted. "Never liked him, anyway. He's always walking around saying, 'Ha! I'm the prettiest,' or, 'look, I'm still the prettiest.' He recently told me I look like a bloated grape in purple."

Lizard froze in throes of ultimate temptation, feeling rather like Galadriel with One Ring in front of her... Hope I do not go all scary-demon-like over potential Legolas snagging. Tadan! What am I going to do?!?!?!??!

"How do I know you can even bring me Legolas?" she wondered.

"Well, he was getting on my nerves, so when he accidentally dabbed his nose with hanky from chemical-making pervy elf-fancier and breathed in chloroform, I hid him away as my bargaining chip."

Lizard tried to think rapidly... I like Tadan, but Legolas... Oh man! The torment! The torment!

"Look, Elrond, it's a purple hat with a big flashy plume!" She shouted on sudden inspiration, pointing over his head. Elrond whiped around, excitement alight in his eyes. Quickly, Lizard conked him on the back of the head with her handy dandy elf whacker. “Take that! I've GOT him! Oooooo, Tadan's gonna like this! And now I figure Legolas is secure, I just have to find him.”

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VSDPEF- Lizard219
Day 3

Am having trouble hauling Elrond back to camp... Is heavy. Is unconscious, but reflexively making self float so as not to touch dirt. Someone still not easy to pull.

Uh... oh... Found a note by the store. "I know what you did last night." Walked inside, dragging Elrond through shambles of store. Another note... "I STILL know what you did last night." Ok, have already gotten the picture.

Suddenly, before I can figure out what's going on, Glorfindel jumps down from the rafters. "Ha! Thought you were so smart... I went and dumped Legolas in a nice cold river. He's nicely alert now. Hand over Elrond, pervy elf-fancier! I have come to enjoy thwarting your pervy designs."

"NO!" Am prepared to do battle. Oh no! Glorfindel used some elf spell to heal Elrond. Elrond is alert. He proceeds to leap up, matrix-style, and knock me back into the cash register. Snorting at Glorfindel ("Am definitely prettier than HIM"), he ran off.

Oh nooo...

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VSDPEF- tinuvie1
Day 3

This is getting really chaotic. I think the elves may suspect something too, with all the swooning.
Am still working on the "put an elf to sleep" plan. I love chemistry, but it can sometimes get out of hand.*groan**takes another aspirin*

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Nimrodel nailed a sign on a tree just outside of camp.

WANTED:

For theft, battery, and Tadandader's plaything....

 Tinuvie came out to investigate.

“These elves are dangerous in many ways, aren’t they?” She popped another aspirin. “But what do we do with them when we catch them?”

“Please don't make me go there, I can just feel the censor rating....” Nim replied with a sigh.

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VSDPEF- MarianaMellon
April 12th - afternoon

Lizard just came back to the camp telling the strangest story ever. She said she managed to get Elrond, but Glorfindel rescued him. Don't believe her!!! She's trying to make us jealous! Decided to go for one more walk and try to find some elves. Nothing. Went back to the beauty salon, to see how things are down there. They took all my shampoo!!! These elves are really smart, you know. But I think I can use shampoo as a bait... I brought some more in my backpack. Will wait till tomorrow to perform my plan...

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VSDPEF- Undomiel9
April 12 -- dusk

Wandering about in the woods, contemplating what to do. So far, nothing has worked. Not traps, not strawberries . . . not even the "damsel in distress" bit. Hmmph. Male elves are so unnerving. You think you understand them, and then they go and do something completely unexpected.

Heard something about some show called "The Crocodile Hunter." Am seriously considering taking tips from it. I mean, if that guy can catch a croc, I should be able to catch an elf.

Heard something behind me. Went towards it, hoping it would be Glorfindel. Alas, it was only the hobbits, still practicing. I finally decided to ask them what they were doing. Muttered something about "elf women" being "pretty" and "just because we're short." I don't know. Like I said, they are curious creatures.

Wandered some more. Was finally beginning to calm down after the raid when I fell right into a trap! And it wasn't one of the elf hunters'. Wondering what in the world is going on.

Am afraid I have been turned from hunter to prey, as there are two elves looking down at me from the top of the hole. No one I recognize . . . but they don't look too mean. Although, they are also making no attempt to get me out of her. Geez.

Will just sit and wait and see what happens.

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VSDPEF- Nimrodel
Day 3

*sigh*
Bored.
No elves. No Tadan. No Undomiel (where DID she wind up?).
No shopping with Lizard, store's a mess.
Ugly rumors of Figwit being Legolas' "companion"...

Hmmm....little hobbit with big blue eyes kinda cute...ack! focus!

*hears whispers*

Wait a minute, what's that?

Nimrodel looked up to see  two unknown (but hot) elves peering down into big hole, and all thoughts of tiny little men with hairy feet flew out of head. She whipped out her mirror and lasso, crept up behind one, getting ready to throw the  rope...

When a rope was suddenly thrown around her.

“Uh-oh,” Nim said.

She was yanked forward into the hole. Luckily Undomiel was at the bottom to break her fall....

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VSDPEF- Tadandader HalfElven
April 12th, I think.

Am lost. Somehow Elrond realized that I had a tracking device in my cloak. At least I have my device back. Am now wandering in circles. 'Elf-City' I saw earlier was an illusion. Am now v. sad. And lost.

Tadan sat down to cry, but heard something beyond the trees and lifted her head from her hands.

"I have a feeling the girl won't escape the illusion. When we get there she'll still be standing there, drooling!"

"Ah, Glorfindel, all too true, too true. But my sons are beginning to dig holes for the humans. We'll have them all shortly."

Slowly she realized that it was Elrond walking her way. And he wasn’t expecting her to be there! She carefully grabbed a spray bottle of chloroform and her Lembas Launcher just in case, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"From what I hear, they already have one! And how are you going to get those boots?"

Her heart sank as she heard this. Who did they have?

"I'm trying to come up with another plan. Perhaps if we offered them Gildor. He is getting to be a nuisance."

Tadan was now glad Elrond had her purple cloak, because it had sequins on the bottom. Gleefully she realized she could see him now because of them.

"Now if they didn't betray their little friend for Legolas, why would they betray her for Gildor?"

Tadan grew very angry now. Little friend? She jumped out of the bushes, shooting and spraying her ammunition.

"Run!" One of the elves called out, but lembas hit him square in the back of the head. Elrond. He collapsed in a heap. The other was lying very still, probably unconscious.

Tadan suddenly remembered she was alone. She tugged on Elrond, moving him barely. Flustered, she walked over to Glorfindel and tugged on him. He jumped up, grabbed her Lembas Launcher, and pointed it at her.

“Uhh….”

"Put your hands behind your head." Glorfindel commanded.

"Um.." Tadan put them behind her head slowly, then lunged and made a grab for the Launcher. She grabbed hold and cried triumphantly as they each struggled with it befpre suddenly realizing she was holding the wrong end. She let go and ducked just in time. The lembas hit Elrond, who had just regained consciousness. He fell over again. Glorfindel stared at his friend in shock, and Tadan flipped the  Launcher out of his hands and pointed it at him.

"You are going to carry him to our camp, or I'll knock you out, too."

The elf  wordlessly lifted Elrond, and they began the trek back to camp.

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Meanwhile Lizard stomped through the forest. "Hey, Nimrodel... Nimrodel!!!! Where did you go?!? Undomiel? Are you out there? Where did everybody go?"

She stopped suddenly. Wait... is that-? Could it be-?

“LEGOLAS! WHHHEEEEEEE!" Lizard jumped through the air, throwing gleeful arms around... “HEY! It's a dummy!… Erp!”

Lizard and her dummy went flying through the air and landed hard on the floor of a pit.

“OOF! Oh, man. That is going to leave a mark. I think it's karma for stepping on Tinuviel.”

She rubbed her bottom ruefully and looked around. “Hey! Nimrodel and Undomiel! Hi, guys. What's up? Why are we all in this... Say... Are those elves peering down at us? What are they doing? Wait, is this a fiendish plan to drown us in our own drool, as we are without drool cups and they are hovering over us tantalizingly? Errr... maybe not. That would take a while. So what's going on? I'm so confused...”

“You’re confused?” Undomiel asked sarcastically, massaging her hip and trying to slide out from underneath Lizard..

“Lizard, stop hugging that Legolas doll,” Nimrodel muttered.

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VSDPEF- Undomiel9
April 11 -- later

Extremely bored. Have been sitting at bottom of hole for a while. At least the elves are talking to me. Managed to get their names . . . the slightly taller dark-haired one with blue eyes (who I must admit is really not bad at all) is named Maegvásaion. The shorter one with the blond hair is Doncamion. They seem like nice guys, really. At least they were keeping me company. I should have known something was up when Elladan and Elrohir showed up, and they all went off laughing.

Wondering what happened to the other elf-hunters. Surely they had to have had better luck.

Ooof! Lizard just fell down hole too. Now I have a black eye, a twisted ankle, and a bruised hip. Not to mention I have had the wind knocked out of me three times now. <<sigh>>

Waiting.

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Tadan suddenly spotted  two Elves ahead behinding over a hole in the ground. Glorfindel grinned as she watched them and dropped Elrond, who somehow was awake again.

“Hey! How many times do I have to knock you out?” Tadan reached vainly for her Launcher, but Glorfindel whirled around with her chloroform. Drat! she cursed. These immortals have way too many skills here! She threw her mirror in front of her as self defense, thanking Luitha…. and nothing happened. Glorfindel had knocked himself out, and Elrond was staring at the reflection of the bruise on his head.

"You did this to me?" He looked pretty mad.

"No, that was when Glorfindel knocked you out. But this is from me." Tadan shot him with the Launcher again. As he fell over, the other two elves by the pit take took notice and run over.

"Hey!" one shouted. Tadan started firing Lembas like crazy, wondering how soon she’ll run out.

"OW!" shouted the pit. Or someone in the pit. It sounded very much like Nimrodel! Only one elf was down by the time she ran out of lembas. She made an amazing running leap for the chloroform, knocking a vine into the pit in the process. She managed to knock out the last Elf with the chloroform, but suddenly the world was… going… very… dark.

Silence was in the field where four Elves and one half Elf laid unconscious, and a vine dangled into the mysterious pit.

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VSDPEF- Nimrodel
Day 4

Brought something to read while stuck in hole with Undomiel and Lizard. Grabbed it off one of elves as I was falling into trap.

The v. secret diary of Figwit

Day 1: Just received party invitation from Elrond. Think I’ll go. Just hope Legolas isn’t there. He’s always been jealous of my hair.

Day 2: Just R.S.V.P.ed to Elrond about party. Said Legolas had already agreed to come. Suppose is a good excuse to look gorgeous. Not that I need to try. On plus side Elrond said party would have disco ball and twister.

Day 3: At Rivendell. Mean old wizard said that instead of party would be having big, solemn counsel. Told Elrond this was dirty trick to play. Elrond said wasn’t his fault, but he’s still going to show off his new dress. Wish I hadn’t come.

Day 5: Ringbearer arrived today on v. tired horse with Arwen. Arwen claims he was near death and needed to come as fast as possible. Told Arwen I thought she just wanted to cuddle with a hobbit on horseback. Was informed that she, unlike *some* people was not a pervy hobbit-fancier. Suspect she means Aragorn. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 6: Legolas just came galloping in. He nearly fell off his horse when he saw *my* hair.

Day 10: Ringbearer finally awake. Counsel tomorrow.

Day 11: Counsel was extremely tedious. All Elrond wanted to do was show off his new dress, but mean wizard who cancelled the party made him talk about the fate of Middle Earth, the dark lord, and a bunch of other stuff that I wasn’t really paying attention to because was busy looking pouty and gorgeous. Legolas was giving me dirty looks whole time.

Day 12: Well, Legolas is off and everything around here seems to be back to normal. Was a little disappointed to see cute hobbits go, but think is for the best. Kinda wish I coulda gone, too.

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 Tadan, laying on the ground in between four knocked out elves, lifted her head and shouted:

“Let me restate: There is now a vine dangling into your pit, guys.”

Her head fell back to the ground and she became unconscious again.

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VSDPEF- Undomiel9

I have no idea what day it is

Nimrodel now reading something about Figwit's diary. I have no idea.

Hear something happening up above. Sounds like Tadandader and . . . GLORFINDEL!!!

What in the world is going on? Tadandader is screaming something and . . . ooof! It's Doncamion. Oww. That now makes a black eye, twisted ankle, bruised hip, bruised rib, and the wind knocked out of me four times.

No more screaming, but . . . there's a vine hanging into the pit now!

Am going to attempt to climb vine, and get out of this blasted mud hole.

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VSDPMF- El luitha uren
April 12- early evening

Starting to get worried about hunters. They've been gone a long time. Want to apologize to Tadan for thinking she meant MY Asfaloth and to Nimrodel for thinking blonde running elf was Legolas. Could have been Glorfindel- does he like pink?

Am definitely starting to worry. Did not like ambush earlier today. That was a very unexpected party. What are the elves up to? And for some reason I don't think the hunters set that rope trap I got tied up in...

Asfaloth! Where're you going!!! Come back! Silly horse, what got into him?

Sounds... whispers... in the leaves behind me... Lizard? Undomiel? Nimrodel? Tadan?

Luitha whirls... Two elves. She doesn’t recognize either of them.

“Hey, why're they...? HEY! I'M NOT HUNTING ELVES YOU MORONS! GET OFF ME!” Luitha grabs a trusty mirror and whacks one over the head with it. “Oops, sorry, didn't mean to hit that hard... HEY!” She shows the mirror to the other one. He stops running toward her and looks in the mirror.

“Yeah that's right, take a good look. See that speck of dirt on your nose? And your hair is out of place.” He seems to realize this, shrieks like a girl, and runs away.

“Well, I got one. Feel bad about the bruise on his head though. Where's the silly horse when you need him?” Luitha ties up the elf to nearby tree and hopes he doesn't get loose. “I'm not dragging his sorry butt all over the woods,” she mutters

Another noise... “You want some more huh?! Huh?!” She spins around brandishing the mirror and come face to face with...

Aragorn.

Even the dwarves in Moria could have heard that thud.
 
 
 
 
 

El Luitha 'uren
June 2002
Elluitha@rivendell.zzn.com