CHAPTER 5: Who Hired
the Steward?
VSDPEF- Lizard219
April 12
Am still in hole, sitting in mud. Am brushing the Legolas dummy's hair. He's so cute... He looks almost exactly like the real thing! Here, let me braid your hair for you, Leggy II. Da-Dee-Da.
Err... Undomiel? I KNOW she was there a second ago. Ooo, a vine. Here, I'm going to pull this down and use it to tie up Leggy II's pretty, pretty hair. La la la...
Oy, I'm losing it. I think the fall unhinged me a bit. That and my continued failure to capture Legolas. Sigh. Man, why won't this vine come DOWN already. *pulling harder* It's sort of heavy in the middle... *pulling*
------------------
VSDPEF- Tinuviel80
April 12: afternoon
Plan to capture Gildor foiled, with no thanks to UNDOMIEL!! The plan was so perfect, so full proof. All that girl had to do was pull the lever... Right before Gildor comes into sight, Undomiel bolts because she just caught a sight of Glorfindel. Lizard and I were stuck in a net for sometime (good think Liz had a hair pin on her). Next time am trying something with Nimrodel... at least that girl has some sense!
Am stuck in ugly purple dress, as all other clothes have been stolen by rouge elves.
-------------------------
Tadan woke up groggily just in time to see Undomiel’s head poke up out of the hole, a bruise on her forehead. So that was who she had hit with that stray lembas. Oops, sorry Undomiel, she apologized mentally.
Undomiel climbed out of the mud hole just as Tadan crawled over to look in. Nimrodel was sitting in the corner with a dazed expression on her face. Lizard was making gurgling noises and tying up the Legolas doll with the vine she had pulled down.
“Lizard up to her old antics,” Undomiel muttered, looking back in with Tadan. “How are they ever going to get out now?”
Tadan exchangeed a glance with her. "Here, I'll grab Elrond,” she said. “Pick one. If those two are still in the pit when we come back, we'll get them out. But I think they're lost in their own little worlds."
The two started to drag Glorfindel and Elrond back to camp when Tinuviel arrived, giving Undomiel a nasty look and muttering about Glorfindel, Gildor, and hormones. Undomiel and Tadan shared another look and tried once more to heave the elves back to camp.
-------------------
VSDPEF- Nimrodel
Day?
Humph! Just heard Tadan and Undomiel planning to leave me in hole! Last time I offer to smack Elrond with purple boots!
Where's Tinuviel? SHE wouldn't leave me down here.
Think Lizard has finally gone bye-bye...is using escape vine to tie tiny Legolas doll braids...
Someone peered over the edge of the pit, someone with blond hair, blue eyes. Nimrodel blinked, then her face lighted up in a happy grin. “Squeee! Legolas! HELP!!”
She crawled over to shake Lizard as Legolas watched lazily from above. “Lizard it's the REAL one, look, look!! Snap out of it Lizard!”
No response. The Lizard was completely out of it.
“OH NO!” Nim moaned. “Saffron, we're gonna need the pretty white jacket now....”
------------------------------
VSDPEF- Lizard219
Some day
Huh? What? Where am I? Leave me be,
Nimrodel. Am with doll... Is my own... my preciousssssss...
Wait a second, what the heck? What
is this, the One Doll or something? Ugh. It's all dirty! Ok, head injury
wearing off to some extent.
Lizard shook her head and noticed Nimrodel pointing and drooling at something. She looked up and almost swallowed her own tongue.
“ACK! ACK! LEGOLAS!… Errr, hi there, tall, blonde, and beautiful. Feel like helping us out of the hole here?" Wow. Fall must've shaken something loose... Perhaps the geeky instinct to just sit in own drool and ogle elf. Lizard started her usual Lizard ramble. Elf seems intrigued. Will this actually work? We are a nice set of damsels in distress...
Tadan heard squealing and looked up from her Elrond-hauling just in time to see Legolas bending over the pit. Quietly she set her Elf Lord down and made a running leap for Legolas, knocking him in even before he knew what hit him.
“Hey Nimrodel,” Tadan bent over and peered in with a grin. “Do you still want out?”
“Hey, he fell in!” Lizard cried gleefully. “Aren't you glad I went nutty and pulled down the vine, Nim? “
Undomiel bent over next to Tadan just as Tinuviel looked in from beside her. “Need some rope?” She called down.
--------------------
VSDPEF- Tinuviel80
April 12
We are now in a bind...Tadan won't let Nimrodel out yet, and I have narrowed it down to Lizard as the stepper on my cheek (least it looks like she's gotten thwacked too, hehe. Karma).
--------------------------
Tadan looked up from the pit to see her Elf Lord awake and trying to sneak away. She fired her chloroform gun and with a thump Elrond was unconscious on the ground again. She looked to the side to see Tinuviel watching Lizard with a nasty smile.
“Tinuviel, I promise I still don't remember anything from that night.”
-------------------------
VSDPEF- Tinuviel80
April 12
Stupid Karma. Now Lizard has Legolas and the doll to match...
---------------------
“Would you like to go into the pit, too, Tinuviel?” Tadan asked sweetly. “It looks like the three of them are having fun.”
“WE’RE GONNA SHORT CIRCUIT THE BOARD!” Nimrodel screamed, getting blank stares from everyone.
“Wow look!” Undomiel exclaimed. “I have Glorfindel, Tadan has Elrond, Nim and Liz have Legolas, and is that Luitha’s man lying over there?”
-------------------------
VSDPEF- Nimrodel
April 12
And they lived happily, to the end of their days....
----------------------
Huh? What? wow the world is blurry... lots of leaves and... Where am I? Luitha suddenly discovered just how hard sitting up was, as the forest was still spinning in interesting ways.
OH! Aragorn. She remembered now and sighed, wiping the drool from her chin. The tied up elf, Haldir of course, looked at her strangely, and she realized she must have queer look on her face. Haldir had a pretty big bruise on his nose. Oops.
"Where did Aragorn go?"
"He fell down the same time you did. Dead faint." Haldir snickered.
“Yeah, and elvish men don't faint like manly men, I suppose,” she mutters. “And Balrogs have wings.” (wait a minute...) Well that was good news at any rate. It meant she had SOME effect on the Ranger. She was a little disappointed Haldir had been awake for all it though. He’d have some nice stories to tell his elvish buddies. Luitha flushed in embarrassment.
"So where is he now?" she asked.
"Legolas came and dragged him off right after he fell. That was awhile ago though. Heard some screaming over there." He pointed with, well, his nose. (His hands were tied, what else did he have to point with?)
Making sure he was still tied tightly (and rather impressed that he was still tied at all), Luitha hiked off in the direction Haldir had pointed, wondering why Legolas hadn't freed him.
Was that Tadan, Tinuviel, and Undomiel standing over a hole? With captured elves?!
----------------------
VSDPEF- Nimrodel
Day?
Okay, What REALLY happened...
“NOOOOOO Undomiel!!!!! Don't give him an escape route.....”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lizard joins in the howling as the rope dangled down. She lunged stupidly for the fleeing elf, now that her momentary suaveness and intelligence had passed. Legolas dodged agilely, shimmied up the rope, and Lizard collapsed from the view. He was gone with a fleeting "It's been fun, girls!"
“Oh, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” Nim wailed.
On the surface, Undomiel lunged after Legolas as he ran away from the pit, and she fell with a hard landing on the ground. She glanced up to watch not one but TWO retreating elves.
“Noo! Glorfindel is awake and running away too!”
Tadan, bending over her still unconscious Elf Lord looked up with a dazed expression and a desperate need for a drool cup.
“Tadan! Quit kissing your Elf Lord and come help!” Tinuviel scrambled after the fleeing elves and fell over Undomiel. Tadan watched them with a silly smile and combed her fingers through Elrond’s hair, unable to concentrate on anything else at the moment.
Luitha came running in then just as Legolas came running toward her. Both were watching the hunters and and not the direction in which they were running. “Hey everybody!” Luitha called. “Have you seen Aragorn? Legolas dragged him off! Where is that elf anyway? And what are you all screaming at me for? What!?”
THWACK
“Gotta...watch... where... running... stupid elf... my way... Legolas?... my head... hurts... ouch.” Luitha moaned and fell to the ground.
Tadan finally snapped out of it. “Luitha, are you okay? I think you knocked Legolas out! Come on, climb out of the pit guys, your Elf is still here!” Undomiel tossed her a drool cup just as Tadan threw a chloroform gun to her. “Here Undomiel! Use this!”
Undomiel aimed as the still running Glorfindel and fired. Her own Elf Lord fell to the ground in a silent heap, and she leapt in the air with joy. “I got him!”
“C’mon Lizard!” Nimrodel threw Lizard over her should and climbed out of the pit. “Did I mention I work out?” she replied as everyone gave her an awed look. She grabbed the vine and untied Lizard’s dummy to hog tie the real Legolas. “No more of this ‘damsel in distress’ stuff!” she called out in glee.
The hunters took a collective breathe of air and sigh, then began their work to screw up the censor ratings.
Luitha woke up with a moan and held a hand to her head. “I would run right into Legolas. I didn't even WANT Legolas. But I never run into Rangers, noooooo...” Then she noticed the human lying face-down by the pit and leapt up in excitement to go investigate. Blood rushing to her face she picked up his head and looked at the face and…
“BOROMIR!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!” She wailed and trotted off after the other hunters, now dragging their elves back to camp.
“I've got Haldir if anyone is interested?” Luitha announced. The hunters all grumbled at her and did not respond. “Well sor-ry... sheesh... “
“Sorry, Luitha,” Tadan told her. “I'll help you hunt for your Ranger in a little bit. I'm a bit occupied right now, one of the Lembas cut Elrond's forehead. I must… tend to it.”
“It’s Mine!! My own! My preciousssss!” The hunters turned at the masculine voice and watched as Boromir charged toward them, stole the crown that was intended as Ranger-bait right off Luitha’s head, and ran off screaming, “My precioussssss!”
“Okay, now WHO HIRED THE STEWARD?!” Luitha
hollered in fury.
-----------------------
VSDPEF- Tinuviel80
April 12
Poor, poor Luitha.
Got back to camp with Tadandader. She got to kiss Elrond. *sigh* It's almost time to set Gildor trap.
Haldir anyone? No, seriously...
Ai! I still don't have Gildor! Oh well, have Undomiel as promised bait.
-------------------
“Okay, Luitha, I'm coming to help you.” Tadan announced she dragged Elrond into her tent.
Luitha grinned. “Oh, take your time Tadan…”
Tadan carefully secured Elrond to the inside of her tent, and secured the tent very firmly to ground. “Where do you want to start?”
“Dang it, where did that pervy elf hide my Ranger? Oooh, my head...”
Tinuviel sighed and looked at Undomiel. “I’m beginning to think I should help out Luitha, as she's focusing all of her energy on catching our slippery elves. Ranger hunting…” She shuddered. “Ah well. Maybe I’ll see elves on the way.” Undomiel sat down in the Gildor traps and waited.
“Our party of three is ready to set out under your directions, Luitha,” Tadan announced. “After one more kiss......................okay, I'm ready now.”
“Some kiss,” Luitha muttered.
“What was that?” Tadan asked sharply.
“Ah Elbereth! Let's go!… Umm, any ideas on how to catch a Ranger? And dang it, where IS that horse?”
“You’re asking us?” Tinuviel gave Luitha a Look.
Lizard sighed. “I suppose we should leave Legolas (well-restrained), and go and help, eh, Nimrodel?”
“I noticed someone staring at you and me on the way back,” Nim responed to Lizard. “See, there he is over there. He looks familiar. Maybe we should ask Luitha?”
“Hey Luitha! Do you know who that is?” Lizard pointed at the pair of eyes peeking through the bushes.
Luitha took one look, her eyes rolled back into her head, and she fell to the ground with a heavy THUD.
“Wow,” Lizard said. “That was easy.”
“He passed out too!” Tadan carefully tied up the Ranger and set him on back of Luitha's Asfaloth. Then she set Luitha on the horse’s back too and lead him back to camp. Once there, she set both Luitha and her securely tied man into Luitha's tent and returned to her own tent and Elf.
“Nim and Liz,” Tinuviel called out. “Will you two stay for a second and keep an eye on Undomiel? Besides Lizard you owe me. My cheek is now a brilliant shade of purple.”
“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tadan stopped short of slapping her forehead. “How's the hunt for Gildor coming along?”
----------------------
Cienanos sat in camp, having joined the hunt as the Official Chef of the huntresses.
"Step one in an Elf Intervention is getting the parties together....hmmmm...they seem to fall into pits a lot....we'll have the intervention there...." She continued reading.
-------------------------
Lizard sighed. “Oh, all right, Tinuviel. Where's Undomiel again? I lost track of her in the knowledge that Legolas was near.” She sighed again.
“Will somebody get this steward OUT of here!” A shriek came from Luitha's tent. “He's trying on my dress!”
Tinuviel whipped out a sword, and burst into the tent to hold it to his throat. "What's this? A steward caught off his guard?"
A manly-man in a purple dress came flying out of Luitha’s tent and smacked into Undomiel. As Boromir cursed and Undomiel wept, Gildor and Glorfindel came bursting out of bushes to save the "damsels" in distress.
“Save Boromir!” Luitha warned. “We can give him to PlasticChevy.”
Undomiel, Manly man Steward, Glorfindel and Gildor were now caught in a net, Tinuviel's Gildor Trap.
“Mission accomplished!” Tinuviel shrieked as she, Lizard, and Nim trussed up the captives.
“GO US!” Nim shouted with her.
“Wow,” Lizard said. “We've had such a successful day. Blah blah blah, wonderful, blah blah blah, glad everyone's happy, blah blah blah…” She zipped off back to Legolas and a huge sigh was heard coming from her tent.
El luitha retreats to her tent and her Ranger and... <<censored>>
Tinuviel released everybody from the net but Gildor and proceeded to drag the elf to her own tent and… *censored*
Undomiel fell out of the net and proceeded to bruise the other hip. “Why, oh, why do I ever get involved in these things? What's the tally now?” She counted on her fingers. “1 black eye, two bruised hips, a twisted ankle, the wind knocked out of me five times . . . and a partridge in a pear tree! Oh, well. At least I managed to get Glorfindel. “ She limped away to her tent.
Lizard emerged yawning. “Wow, whatta work out... Umm... we were doing Tae Bo, of course... What did YOU think?” (and the legend of the powers of Tae bo begins.) “Hey, here's a rental from the Middle Earth video store for you: Buns of Granite: Legolas gets physical.
“Oh and Nim, we can maintain shared custody of Legolas for the time being.”
---------------------
Junipur ran into camp dragging her luggage behind her. She stopped and looked around at the happy hunters lounging about the common log area with goofy smiles on their faces.
“Why am I always late?” She sighed. “Ah well, at least I got to get a glimpse of Legolas, now girls, don’t wear him out. Leave a little something for the rest of us!”
“Wow!” Mariana strode into camp a little while later. “I've been gone for 3 or 4 hours and look at all that!!! Where's Legolas?? Can you save some elf for me? I don't think Chevy will come here, so you can just give ME Boromir instead! If I can't have a Legolas, I'm happy with Boromir!”
“Boromir's in the third tent from the left if you want him, Mariana , purple dress and all.” Tinuviel told her, relaxing after a "Tae Bo" session with Gildor.
“Whaaaaat has been going on?” Now Saffron charged into camp. “ Hey you guys, wait for meeeeeeee! I never got me an Elf!”
She plopped down next to a dispirited Junipur, who told her. “I know how you feel, it is like it was all over before we got started. Oh well, I still have a bag full of strawberry scented hair care products, maybe I’ll try again next week, after all he is an elf, immortal and all, I don’t think they will manage to ‘break’ him totally.”
------------------------------
“Ahhhhhh!” Tinuvie tore into camp. “Have you caught any elves? If so, can I have one as a laboratory assistant? Oh well. I’ll just go back to distilling ethanol till' I understand what's happening. By the way, I finally made (safe) chloroform derivate.”
Tinuviel tried to focus her eyes and only succeeded in crossing them. “To... much... scientific... method... for... morning...”
Disappointed at not having an elf, Tinuvie wandered into the woods again, talking to herself.
“I have a very nasty feeling I'm being watched... Aug!”
Two elves popped out of the woods. “Where is Lord Elrond?” they demanded, pointing their bows at her.
“How am I supposed to know?” Tinuvie answered crossly. “I already have trouble understanding what's going on.”
VSDPEF- Tinuvie1
Day 4
They asked me if I had any more chloroform. I said no. (well, the technical name for chloroform is trichloromethane, so I wasn't REALLY lying) Also have prussic acid derivate, and ethanol, and a few other things.
Elves brought me to Rivendell, where
some elves asked me about Elrond. I told them I had no idea what happened
to him. They asked me how to make chloroform, and I was halfway trough
explaining when elf waved to silence me, and asked for headache medicine.
I don't see what's so complicated about CHCI³.I think they're trying
to make tons of chloroform. But why?
Anyway, refused to make chloroform
for them, and they can't understand formula, so in prison.
WHAT is going on here?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
El Luitha 'uren
June 2002
Elluitha@rivendell.zzn.com