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Newspaper Headline Goofs
Redneck Jedi Jokes
Very Punny - Not!
Frog Jokes
Christmas Joke
Newspaper Headline Goofs
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Convict Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
You might be a Redneck Jedi, if...
You've ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a can of pop.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is rust-proof primer colored.
You have ever had an land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the Force to get yourself another pop so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, boy, come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You have the canopy of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, was known as the lesser of two weevils.
A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Two people sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to the bar and announced "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Frog Jokes:
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them!
Q: What happens when two frogs collide?
A: They get tongue tied!
Q: How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A: Unhoppy.
Q: What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A: A rubbit!
Q: Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
A: He liked a good croak and dagger.
Q: What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired?
A: It got toad!
Q: What's green green green green green?
A: A frog rolling down a hill
Q: What is a frog's favorite game?
A: Croaket
Q: What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A: French flies and a diet Croak
Q: Why did the frog say meow?
A: He was learning a foreign language.
Q: Why did the frog go to the hospital?
A: He needed a "hopperation"!
Q: What is the thirstiest frog in the world?
A: The one who drinks Canada Dry!
Q: How deep can a frog go?
A: Knee-deep Knee-deep!
Q: What do stylish frogs wear?
A: Jumpsuits!
Q: What does a bankrupt frog say?
A: "Baroke, baroke, baroke."
The Worst Christmas Joke of the Last Century(?):
A Russian couple were walking down the street in
Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining", he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was rain", he said.
They were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing, but just then they saw a Communist Party official walking towards them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph if it's officially raining or snowing".
As the official approached, the husband said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course", the official replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "That felt like snow!!!"
To which he husband quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear..."
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