Facetiously Asked Questions

...There is no such thing as a dumb question, although these are mighty close...

The following questions are questions that have been asked at some point in time and finally answered by me. I hope the answers I've provided will set the record straight.

1. Who's the man?

SHAFT... Damn Right!

2. Is the Pilsbury Doughboy ever going to become a doughman?

I strongly doubt it, just listen to that girlish laugh.

3. What would happen if Duncan Hienz married Betty Crocker?

They would merge their companies to create one hell of a baking goods company called Dutty Hocker.

4. Do aliens really exist?

Ofcourse not. Have YOU seen any around lately?

5. What do I do if I'm abducted by aliens?

Did you read question number 4?

6. Should all 'performance enhancing' drugs be banned?

That is a good question. Yes, all but Viagra.

7. Does Superman really fly?

No, he leaps. Otherwise the famous saying would be... "able to get over tall buildings in a single flight," instead of..." able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

8. If Aunt Jemima got in a fight with Ms. Butterworth, who would win?

It would be waffle close but I think Aunt Jemima would win.

9. Where is my what-cha-ma-call-it?

Your what-cha-ma-call-it is where-ya-ma-left-it.

10. Can I send in some questions?

I don't know can you?

11. May I send in some questions?

Sure send them to kicktush@hotmail.com.

12. What would Uncle sam do if he was an index finger amputee?

He would threaten you with his fist to get you to join the navy.

14. Is this site free?

Yes, but if you really want too, you can send me money.

15. Where is question number 13?

When the questions were being interviewed 13 showed up late and I didn't think it was fair to put it ahead of the more timely questions.

16. If Santa exists, why doesn't he deliver my Christmas presents?

It's quite simple actually. After intensive research I found out that Santa went on strike in 1623, insisting he be payed for his quick one day delivery service saying, "UPS gets $3 to $12 a package."

17. Is Elvis really dead?

Yep, that's what his tombstone implies.

18. Can I be forest ranger?

No, but you can be a question on my site.

19. What does the word lexicon mean?

Shoot, I don't know go look it up in one.

13. Man am I really late?

Yes you are, that's why I'm putting you after 19.

20. What is the best, most kick tush internet site ever?

You're on it BABY!!!