Ex-Pagan 4 Christ

I found a pagan/wiccan/occult bookshop in London, and became quite a regular shopper, as well as viewing lots of websites. I learned that there were several different types of pagan.

There are "eclectics" who pick and choose what they want to believe from a wide range of folk beliefs, ancient myths and their own ideas - some of them even create their own gods.

There are Wiccans, a so-called "ancient" religion widely acknowledged to have been created by Gerald Gardner in the 1950s. This is a bit more formal with something approximating a "creed".

There are also reconstructionists who try to exactly replicate ancient traditions - especially the Greek and Egyptian ones. They never actually replicate them, but like to think they do.

There are vast amounts of books on each type, and I found libraries and mainstream bookshops stuffed full of occult books. I even managed to find books on ceremonial magic (involving "Christian" elements, and older than the rest) in Borders bookshop!

It was very easy to learn about this religion. I had to buy equipment though - an athame (black-handled knife), lots of candles, incense, a censer, a chalice, pentacle, pentagram...paganism is a very expensive religion!

I met avowed witches and pagans and noticed that they were just the same as the other people I knew - though some did tend towards a sort of "earth-woman" pose which I found irritating. I was attracted by the feminist element - women are important to pagans, and leaders there, and I was quite happy to fall into their very anti-Christian stance.

I decided this was definitely a religion I wanted to see more of, and even did a few experiments with casting circles, although I was told to wait until I'd seen the high priestess of this new coven before I did that.

I paid a visit to Speaker's Corner too, and heard racists, and antagonistic preachers who yelled a lot - and their attacks on any pagan they could see. I stand in the good old English tradition of supporting the persecuted - so this made me even more determined to get to know paganism and to participate in it.

At this time I got a new job cold calling people for an insurance firm, which was better paid than working for a club and allowed me to work whenever I wanted. In fact I got enough money to pay rent instead of cleaning, which I hated. I was still on methadone but I felt confident that new pagan friends would be good people who would help me live a clean life away from drugs and sex.

How wrong I was.