Weeks15

I would like to think that up until now I have been able to keep my fears and worries in check with this pregnancy and not let them get out of control.....
Well, lately I have been a BASKET CASE!!

I have a friend, that we met after losing Faith, she lost a little girl, Ashley, at 25 weeks along a week after we lost Faith. Our situations were very similar, including we were both due in December and we lost our little girls to cord accidents. Well, 6 weeks after we got pregnanct again, Dawn found out that she was also pregnant...how exciting!!...but this week Dawn suffered a mis-carriage, I am just in shock and cannot believe that they are having yet another miracle taken from them. Dawn's loss has really affected me......I cannot stop thinking about what she and her husband are going through and then that turns into paranoia for our little one....

I didn't sleep at all the couple of nights after we found out, I just tossed and turned.....and then I had this awful dream.......
In my dream, I was reading a book and in big bold letters it said "If you bleed in your 2nd trimester then you will lose your baby"
And then I went to the bathroom and was bleeding. I was screaming......luckily my kitty, Cheyenne, woke me up after that!! She must have known something was wrong.....or maybe I really screamed I don't know.....Jim was still away so I was alone.

I am anxious to get to the doctor again, I have this horrible fear that there will not be a heartbeat when we go. I hope I am able to get passed this!! My heart is breaking for Dawn. I guess all I can do is pray that she will be ok and get through this and pray that our little one still has a heartbeat and maybe I will start to feel better again......

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This week we went back to the doctor and I decided that dopplers HATE Me!!! Why are they so mean to me?!!? They just love to torture me and bring me to near heart failure!!

We got to the doc.......weighed in.....gained 1 pound so far this pregnancy (but I had lost 4 so we are still minus 3).....which at 15 weeks I guess I should be happy with....but when you already carry around a bunch of extra weight every pound seems like 10!!

Went in to see the doctor and that damn doppler came out again.....I dreaded it. Sure enough she checked and checked and checked....no heartbeat, just like our last visit. I was surprised at how together I kept myself!! She really searched this time and right when I think she was about to give up (about 5 minutes) all of a sudden there it was!! (woosh woosh woosh) Thank God!! We didn't get a great listen as it kept fading in and out. This little one likes to play games with me!! But she did get enough to know that it was 156 bpm. Which she said was right on where it should be for where we are at.

We are being sent for a level 2 ultra-sound on 3/25. She said they do this around 18-19 weeks for all IUFD's which I found out means In Utro Fetal Demise.. Sounds so cold...

Anyway, they say level 2's are really neat I have never had one, but the nurse said they will look at everything, even measure the pinky finger! I am excited and now we have to wait 4 weeks!! But at that time we should get to find out what the sex is!! YEY!!

I go next week to get blood drawn for the triple screen test, where they check for certain birth defects/abnormalities like the possiblity of Down Syndrome....I am a little nervous about it but we were fine last time so I am trying not to give it much thought.