~Ectopic Pregnancy~

"With a tubal pregnancy, there may be a greater feeling of loss because you worry about being able to concieve again"

What Is An Ectopic Pregnancy?
Conception normally occurs when the sperm of the father unites with the egg from the mother in the mother's fallopian tube and travels down, implanting in the lining of her uterus.
In an ectopic pregnancy, the fertilized egg implants somewhere else- usually in a fallopian tube, but occasionally in an ovary, in the cervix, or in the abdomen.
Some causes of ectopic pregnancy are pelvic infections, endometriosis, congenital abdomalities of the fallopian tube, previous tubal surgery, or adhesions from previous sugeries.

"An ectopic pregnancy is much different from a miscarriage and should not be handled as the same thing. I have no doubt I am, and will, experience my loss of a child, but much differently than if I had been more aware of expecting one first and planning for it"

A loss of any pregnancy is difficult at best. With an ectopic pregnancy, you may be mourning other losses as well.
There is no right way to react to any kind of loss, including ectopic pregnancy. You may be devastated by it, or you may feel it is an experience you just have to live through. You may mourn deeply for a lost child, or you may feel relieved that you are no longer pregnant. You may be somewhere in between.
You might feel sadness about the loss of your pregnancy or the loss of your tube (if that occured). Or, you may worry about ever concieving again. The full inpact of these feelings may not be realized initially.
All of these emotions are normal. Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are.

Diagnosis And Treatment
Ectopic pregnancy differs from other losses because many parents are unaware they even have concieved. An embryo pushing on a tiny fallopian tube can cause great pain , requiring medical attention, even before the pregnancy is confirmed.
If you knew you were pregnant, you may have noticed common symptoms of pregnancy. If you didn't know you were pregnant, you may have been alarmed by the pain. Your doctor would begin looking for an ectopic pregnancy if you had pelvic pain, dizziness and fainting, decreased blood pressure, vaginal spotting, or bleeding.
Immediate medical intervention is necessary because ectopic pregnancy is potentially life-threatening for a woman. Whether the treatment is medical or surgical depends on the symptoms and the medical status of the patient. Because the symptoms are similar to many other conditions, ectopic pregnancy is not easy to diagnose.
You may have had a transvaginal ultrasound and serum pregnancy testing , plus other tests and examinations, while you were in severe pain. You may have been frustrated by how long it took to confirm this diagnosis.

"I was in a hell of a lot of pain for a month prior to the surgery and it seemed to me as if all the doctors dismissed it as a minor menstrual cramping. I am still angry that nobody took my symptoms seriously until it was almost too late"

While the diagnosis may have seemed to take a long time, you may have been overwhelmed by how quickly the doctor decided on your treatment once the diagnosis was confirmed. Medical treatment with a drug called 'methotrexate' has been used for treatment of ectopic pregnancy when it is not an emergency situation. Because of the need for early diagnosis, and because the drug has many side effects and contraindications, it may not be suitable for all patients.
More commonly, ectopic pregnancy is treated surgically. Which technique the doctor uses (laparoscopy or laparotomy) will depend on the medical status of the patient.
There may be a loss of potential for future pregnancies if the fallopian tube was removed. This may be an additional loss for you. If you have questions about your diagnosis or treatment, or concerns about any effects of the treatment on your future  fertility, your physician is your best resource.

Facing The Future
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy may have been painful both physically and emotionally. Your physical needs were certainly a priority. It is a frightening time for the people around you. They may feel helpless and intimidated by the medical setting and very worried about you.
Once the crisis was over, you may have been relieved to know the cause of your pain. You may also begin to experience a wide range of emotions- relief, sadness, anger, guilt, and possibly a sense of failure.

"When I came to (after surgery) I knew, without being told, what all took place. The pain in my abdomen was enough to let me know the truth. What I feel is numbness, shock, and pain"

"After having two successful pregnancies and healthy children, I feel I have failed in succeeding once more"

Later, you may be angry- angry at the baby for causing you such pain, angry at your partner, angry at yourself for getting pregnant, angry at the hospital, angry at the disruption in your life, or angry at the doctor.

"I even felt hate toward the baby who had 'done' this to me"

You can have these feelings to one degree or another at different times and you may not be used to these feelings. Unusual dreams about your pregnancy or baby may disturb you. Such feelings and dreams are common in this situation and are a part of the grieving process.
You may feel a real need to talk about your experience over and over again. Talking about it with a supportive person helps make it real to you and may help you recognize your own feelings about the loss. You also need to talk with your partner about your feelings.

"His feelings may be different or focused more on me than the pregnancy, but they are equally important"

Ectopic pregnancy is complex because you are faced with many different loss issues at the same time. It will take time to recover from your ectopic pregnancy and the changes it has made in your life. Some people need a few days, while others need months or years. Give yourself whatever time you need.
(From the pamphlet "Ectopic Pregnancy" By: Bereavement Services)
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