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| Homer Quotes |
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| Homer Simpson |
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| * It takes two people to lie, one to lie and one to listen. * Stealing? How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name? * Good things don't end in "eum", they end in "mania" or "teria" * Lisa, Vampires are make believe, like Elves, Gremlins and Eskimos. * This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete ass of myself. * [when cornered off by a rhino] Jesus, Alla, Buddha...I love you all! * (Bart): That's a hitch-hiker, Homer. (Homer): Ooh, let's pick him up! (Marge): No! What if he's crazy? (Homer): And what if he's not? Then we'd look like idiots. * (Reporter): Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space? (Homer): I'll handle this...the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes...wait a minute...Statue of Liberty...that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! * Marge, quick, how many kids do we have have? No time, I'll just estimate. 9! |
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| * (Lisa): Dad! I had a bad dream! (Homer): Oh Lisa. You just lay down and tell me all about it. (Lisa): I know this sounds absurd, but I was dreaming that the Boogieman was chasing me and... (Homer): AAHH! Boogieman! [Runs to Bart's room] (Homer): Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but we may have an ordeal involving a Boogieman or BoogieMEN in the house! (Bart): Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! * Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now lets go back to that ... building ... thingy... where our beds and TV... is. * (Marge): Homer, is this the way you pictured married life? (Homer): Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. * Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial. * You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. * (Bart): I thought I'd better tell you that I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia. (Homer): Well that's no reason to block the TV. * (Lisa): Dad! You can't just leave us by ourselves, we need a baby-sitter! (Homer): Lisa, haven't you seen Home Alone? If some burglars come it'll be a hilarious situation... * I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T... * (Marge): Homer! What have you done to the car? I don't think it had broken axles before. (Homer): Before! Before! You're living in the past, Marge. Quit living in the past. |
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| * (Homer): Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? (Lisa): No. (Homer): Ham? (Lisa): No! (Homer): Pork chops? (Lisa): Dad! Those all come from the same animal! (Homer): Heh heh heh ... ooh ... yeah right, Lisa. A wonderful ... magical animal. * Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. * It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day. |
| * Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. * What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. * (Homer): OK, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but lets get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer. * (Homer's brain): It's a deal! * Lisa, you missed a great race! First, Bart was winning, but then he said, 'This is stupid,' and he left, and I won! * Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a blender. * (Bart): I need this candy for school... candy class. (Homer): Well, OK. But you better get 5 bags in case we eat 4 on the way home. * (Bart): Hey, a chimp! Maybe he'll lead us to bananas. (Homer drooling): Or more mouth-watering chimps. |
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