Homer Quotes - Page 3

Homer Quotes
Page 3

Go to...

* Ooh, the internet is on computers now.

* Excuse me Doctor, I think I know a little something about medicine.

* Son, when you attend sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

* To start, press any key. Where's the 'any' key?

* I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'

* Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

* (Homer as Mr Burns' assistant): Here are your messages: ‘You have thirty minutes to move your car.’ ‘You have ten minutes to move your car.’ ‘Your car has been impounded.’ ‘Your car has been crushed into a cube.’ ‘You have thirty minutes to move your cube.’
          [phone rings]
(Homer): Hello?
(Mr Burns): Is it about my cube?

* Oh my god, this man's my exact double! And that dog has a puffy tail. Hee hee hee. Here puff! Here puff!

* I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!

* (Homer): I will give up the civil war re-creation society I so dearly love.
(Bart): And I will take up smoking and give that up!
(Homer): Good boy, that's a tough thing to have to go through. Here's a dollar.
(Lisa): But he didn't DO anything!
(Homer): Didn't he Lisa, didn't he?

* (Mr Burns greeting guests): ...and this must be [looking down at card]..."Brat"
(Bart): Bart.
(Homer): Don't correct the man, Brat.

* (Lisa): Dad, we did something very BAD!
(Homer): Did you wreck the car?
(Bart): No.
(Homer): Did you raise the dead?
(Lisa): Yes!
(Homer): But the car's OK?
(Bart & Lisa): Uh-huh.
(Homer): Alright then.

* When the 'Simpsons' are being changed to the 'Thompsons'...
(Agent): Now when I say 'Hello Mr Thompson' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
(Homer): No problem.
(Agent): Hello Mr Thompson (and presses Homer's foot)
       [Homer has a blank stare, and then looks at the other agent and whispers loudly...]
(Homer): I think he's talking to you.

* (Marge): Bart looks different.
(Homer): New glasses?
(Marge): He looks disturbed.
(Homer): Probably misses his old glasses.

* (Homer): Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course and I forgot how to drive?
(Marge): That's because you were drunk.
(Homer): And how!

* (Homer on the phone, putting on a silly voice): Hello Dean, you are a stupid head.
(Dean): Homer is that you?
        [Dean looks out the window and sees Homer at a pay-phone]
(Homer): Doh! [and runs off]