Anyone who knows me, knows that I watch too much TV. For those of us who enjoy TV, and enjoy our TV funny, there are recaps. This was mostly Little Red's idea, but it was probably also inevitable.
Warning: Intense Character bias this way lies.
Summit In which Jacob is particularly not reassuring, Jack skips out of Tok'ra 101, and we can tell it's a two parter because of all the extraneous plot lines. The fate of the galaxy might also be at stake.
Chimera In which Osiris grapples with her gender issues and Black Widow Carter is distressingly unsuccessful.
And because this might take a while, I have the recaplets prepared for you right here....
Into the Fire – In which Makepeace runs and around and waves his arms a lot while Jack and Sam perform one of the longest hugs in the history of television.
Seth – In which SG-1 takes down a Goa’uld inspired cult and no one sings soprano.
Fair Game – In which Earth enters the Protected Planets treaty and Sam becomes a Major.
Legacy – In which Daniel curls up, Sam ‘looks awful’, Jack loses at chess, Janet writhes within her stereotype and Teal’c is mostly comatose.
Learning Curve – In which Jack tries to save a smart kid and inadvertently introduces an entire planet to crayons.
Point of View – In which the Alternate Universe strikes again, Sam mocks her own hair, and Kawalski makes good use of that SAG card.
Deadman Switch – In which SG-1 goes up against a cheap Boba Fett knock off and completely overuse the word ‘choiceless’.
Demons – In which SG-1 goes Medieval, Teal’c shows off and the plot ‘twist’ was visible from about a kilometre away.
Rules of Engagement – In which SG-1 discovers some child soldiers of Apophis and tries to prevent them from killing themselves.
Forever in a Day – Hold me. Also, I am confused. Did Rothman ever go anywhere with Jack? Did Daniel ever pack up his stuff? Why are my dreams never that detailed?
Past and Present – In which a planet has amnesia, Daniel pretends to have amnesia and I wish I had amnesia.
Jolinar’s Memories – In which SG-1 tries to rescue Jacob from hell by playing memory games with Sam.
The Devil You Know – In which Apophis plays memory games with everyone using something “like the seventies”.
Foothold – In which Aliens take over the SGC and Carter and Maybourne save the day.
Pretense – In which Skaara goes on trial for his body. Stupid, stupid Tolan.
Urgo – In which I fall in love with Stargate SG-1 while they sing “Row Your Boat” and eat dessert.
A Hundred Days – In which…wait. It never happened! Never happened!
Shades of Gray – In which Jack goes turncoat and mortally insults almost everyone he knows before revealing Makepeace as the real bad guy. And with a name like that, too.
New Ground – In which SG-1 is captured on a planet with origin issues and a blind Teal’c must trust a local scientist to get them out before Jack gets himself shot for being so frustrating.
Maternal Instinct – In which they go to Kheb and find the Harceisis. And probably the meaning of life too, but Daniel was too busy playing with fire to notice.
Crystal Skull – In which they find a…um…crystal skull.
Nemesis – In which Replicator’s take over Thor’s ship, and Sam fatefully says “Was that an invitation, sir?”
Small Victories – In which Replicators try to take over Earth but are foiled, Daniel won’t show anyone his scar and Sam inspires countless fics by saying “I think I’ve had enough relaxation for a while, sir.”
The Other Side – In which Odo is in charge of a racist war, Jack and Daniel fight and I squirm.
Upgrades – In which Tok’ra Spice comes bearing armbands, which apparently come with a dose of attitude.
Crossroads – In which a friend of Teal’c’s thinks she can talk to her symbiote (she can’t) with moderately disastrous results.
Divide and Conquer – I don’t have to tell you what happened in this one, do I? Let’s just say I like this episode….a lot more than I’m supposed to.
Window of Opportunity – In which time loops, there are no consequences, and Hammond makes a really funny face.
Watergate – In which the Russians are attacked by sentient water and Maybourne hides in a freezer.
The First Ones – In which Daniel is captured by an Unas and Rothman dies. Thank goodness.
Scorched Earth – In which Jack wants to blow things up and Daniel thinks they should talk. There’s also an android.
Beneath the Surface – Again, do I really have to say it?
Point of No Return – In which a guy might be an alien and is for sure really annoying.
Tangent – In which Teal’c and Jack fly around in an out of control death glider.
The Curse – In which no fish are caught and yet another of the women in Daniel’s life finds herself Goa’ulded.
The Serpent’s Venom – In which Teal’c is kidnapped (read: shirtless) and the others rig a minefield.
Chain Reaction – In which Hammond resigns, Sam builds a bomb, Daniel disappears, Teal’c sulks and Jack saves the day.
2010 – In which a future SG-1 sends themselves help in the past, and Daniel’s suit makes me swoon.
Absolute Power – Daniel!
The Light - In which SG-1 is hopelessly distracted by....ooooh pretty light. Pretty, pretty light.
Prodigy – In which Teal’c and Jack battle some nefarious fire flies while Sam matched wits with a cadet.
Entity – Sam is taken over by the computer, which makes Jack sad. Daniel makes himself sad. Janet makes me sad.
Double Jeopardy - In which you double your money and double your fun. Unless, you know, you're Cronus, in which case, you're dead.
Exodus - In which...well, it's kind of a Jaffa Revenge Thing. Oh, and Sam blows up her first star.
Enemies – In which Jack’s two worst fears come true as Teal’c no longer even pretends to be amused by him and the ship is being taken over by Replicators.
Threshold – In which Teal’c is unbrainwashed, which means he has to start wearing a shirt again.
Ascension – In which an Ascended being takes up residence in Sam’s house and breaks both her microwave and her toaster.
The Fifth Man - In which SG-1 makes a friend no one can remember, and Simmons makes a visit everyone forgets.
Red Sky – In which SG-1 inadvertently adds some plutonium to a star and then talks about God for a really long time before possibly breaking the laws of physics.
Rite of Passage – In which Cassie acts out, Janet and Daniel score perfect tens (which, unfortunately usually means that one of them is screwed), and I officially become a fan of Janet Fraiser.
Beast of Burden – In which Daniel liberates some Unas…es and then sort of starts a rebellion through a series of miscommunications.
The Tomb – In which Daniel gets all dopey over a tomb, which promptly shuts them up and tries its best to kill them.
Between Two Fires - In which the Tollan underestimate both the humans and the Goa'uld again, and are, rather appropriately, wiped out. Stupid, stupid Tollan.
2001 – In which Teal’c and Daniel ‘dig a little deeper’, Jack goes for the cheap laughs and Black Widow Carter strikes again for the second time in two episodes. Thank heavens.
Desperate Measures – In which Sam is kidnapped for her blood stream and Maybourne manages to look good with a beard.
Wormhole X-treme! – (100) In which the ages old question of science fiction television (being ‘Why do phased out people never fall through the floor') remains decidedly unanswered.
Proving Ground – In which Jack trains the dumbest cadets ever. Except Haley. Who still rocks.
48 Hours - In which Daniel's suit and Davis' sudden discovery of gumption distract me from mocking the Russian mattes, Sam and Jack each del with the most annoying person in their universe, and Tanith finally bites it. Or does he...?
Summit - In which Jacob is spectacularly unreassuring, Jack skips out of Tok'ra 101, and any chance of my taking the episode seriously is quashed by Daniel's disguise.
Last Stand - In which Daniel's lack of foresight leads to several mishaps and Martouf finally bites it. Or does he...?
Fail Safe - In which Teal'c repeats himself, Daniel can suddenly reroute power, Jack goes in for option three and Sam is denied a space walk. Again.
The Warrior - In which even Bra'tac is taken in and yet another Goa'uld is killed by his own inability to keep his mouth shut.
Menace - In which I spend the first half of the episode trying to take the Replicators seriously, and the second half giggling uncontrollably every time Hammond appears on the screen. Right up to the part where Daniel breaks my heart. Again.
The Sentinel - In which I am sure a lot of important things happened, but I forgot them all as soon as I saw the preview for next week's episode.
Meridian - In which I cry like a baby, curse like a sailor, and resolve to never trust anyone who glows.
Revelations - In which everyone moves on, to a degree, TR transcends her species and spawns the oddest otp in the history of time, and Anubis blows nothing up because the special effects budget was spent on making Heimdal walk.
Redemption (1) – Anubis tries to blow up Colorado. Cake is (likely) eaten. Hate Jonas.
Redemption (2) – Anubis cannot blow up Colorado. McKay waltzes off into the wide world of spinoffs. Hate Jonas.
Descent – Mothership comes to Earth. SGC claims mothership. Mothership has Thor. Mothership blows up. Hate Jonas.
Frozen - In which Jonas trots out the White Knight complex and Jack finally gets himself snaked. Hate Jonas.
Nightwalkers - In which SG-1 goes on an extended field trip sans Jack, and Sam uses lunch as a diversionary tactic. Hate Jonas.
Abyss – Jack is captured and tortures by Ba’al. Daniel floats by for a visit. Hate Jonas.
Shadow Play – An old friend of Jonas’ goes a little loopy, and there ends up not being anything like a spoon. Hate Jonas.
The Other Guys – SG-1 gets ‘captured’ by a ‘Goa’uld’ and then ‘rescued’ by some scientists. This episode was so convoluted, I still don’t know which parts of it were a dream and I was so annoyed by it, I almost forgot to Hate Jonas.
Allegiance – An Ashrak attempts to disrupt the Alpha Site, but Bra’tac saves the day because he rocks like that. There was a refreshing lack of Jonas.
Cure - In which SG-1 and the Tok'ra do a square dance of moral turnabout and Jonas goes swimming. Again.
Prometheus - In which we see again how unsafe it is to ride in a limo in DC and Sam fails to save the world with a screwdriver and a plasma torch.
Unnatural Selection - In which Jonas scratches the Replicators off of his "first" list, Teal'c gets possessive of the "Ben and Jerry's", Jack finds out more than he intended about Hammond's priorities and Sam melds with a sympathetic computer. Again.
Sight Unseen - In which everyone sees things that aren't there, and Jonas grapples with his insecurities. Again. Some more.
Smoke and Mirrors - In which Jack is framed, Teal'c conducts the most amusing interrogation ever and Black Widow Carter starts to falter.
Paradise Lost - In which I fall asleep, mock the blatant reuse of sets, and cry through the one good scene in the episode.
Metamorphosis - In which Jonas reveals the Worst Poker Face Ever and Nirrti bites it. Or does she? No really, she does.
Disclosure – There’s talk. More talk. Even more talk. Hors d’eurves, and then Thor shows up. And talks. No Jonas at all!
Forsaken – In which SG-1 is completely taken in by some crazy/evil aliens, and then Jonas saves the day. Sigh.
The Changeling – In the best episode of the season (IMHO), Teal’c plays in a firestation and then loses his symbiote. Daniel provides some of the deepest dialogue on network television, and Jonas wears a pink apron. Justice is sweet, my friends.
Memento – In which Jonas becomes precognitive with possibly the coolest explanation ever. But I still hate him.
Full Circle – Anubis, flustered by his inability to blow up Colorado, blows up Abydos instead. Everybody and their soccer ball Ascends, except Daniel, who gets swept away by a bunch of fire flies
Fallen - Abubis, flustered by his inability to blow up Colorado, takes it out on some planet that only gets a designation. More importantly, Daniel's back. And he's naked.
Homecoming - Anubis, still flustered by his inability to blow up Colorado, tyies it with Kelowna instead. Jonas sails off into the wild blue yonder.
Fragile Balance - In which Jack is clone into Luke Girardi, who does an amazing RDA impression, and then does physical harm to an Asgard.
Orpheus - In which almost everyone has a crisis of confidence, except Ry'ac, who becomes a man. And Bra'tac. Because Bra'tac doesn't really do the crisis thing.
Revisions - In which the computer takes over the planet by accident, so Sam can't say "artificial intelligence"
Lifeboat - In which several people hitch a ride with Daniel, Janet shatters her stereotype, and for some reason, we don't get to see the woman.
Enemy Mine - In which Daniel...does pretty much everything, actually, and then goes to his happy place.
Space Race - In which we discover sports casting and product placement on an interplanetary level and Sam has fantastic moments with just about everybody.
Avenger 2.0 - In which my "favourite" character from season six comes back (no, not that one), and I spend most of the episode swearing at the television with my head under a blanket.
Birthright - In which Vancouver Extras Casting runs out of women, and Christopher Judge hits another one out of the park.
Evolution Part I - In which Darth Super waltzes through everything Jack throws at him while Daniel re-enacts a bizarre combination of Indiana Jones and 100 Days in the Jungle.
Evolution Part II - In which Teal'c explains a hole in the plot with a half season old mind probe, Selmak and Jacob are revealed to have an iron will, and Anubis pretends to be Emperer Palpatine.
Grace - In which we learn that Sam's mind is way too compartmentalized and that her emotions are way way too suppressed.
Fallout - In which we discover that while Kelownan fashion sense has improved, their hair styling has taken a serious nose dive.
Chimera - In which Osiris grapples with her gender issues and Black Widow Carter is distressingly unsuccessful.
Death Knell - In which everyone runs around in the woods, Darth Super meets his match, and generalized stupidity undermines the alpha alliance.
Heroes Part I - In which even Adam Baldwin is not tall enough to shield me from the falling anvils and the impending sense of DOOM.
Heroes Part II - In which Janet is gracefully, poignantly, seemlessly and COMPLETELY UNNECCESSARILY written out.
Resurrection - In which TPTB give us false hope by naming the ep after the death of a character "Ressurrection", and then helps our grief by GIVING US MORE, but Barett survives, so it's not a complete loss.
Inauguration - In a bizarre twist of fate, I skipped the Actual Inaugeration to watch this. And was still bored out of my mind!
Lost City Part I - In which we meet Elizabeth Weir, who looks a bit too much like Helen Hunt to make me entirely comfortable, and I wonder why no one has assassinated Kinsey yet.
Lost City Part II - In which Hayes makes my year by firing Kinsey, Hammond takes Davis on a field trip with the Prometheus, Jack puts himself to sleep and Anubis meets his frustrated fate in the face of some fireflies. Or does he....?
New Order 1 - In which Weir is forbidden to pun and reveals the best poker face ever, Sam gets captured (again), Daniel blusters and Teal'c has hair.
New Order 2 - In which Jack wakes up and is snarky, Thor is incredibly predictable, Sam is not taken in and Teal'c and Daniel run around and shoot things.
Lockdown - In which Anubis takes over the bodies of several people and is still not able to blow up anything, but does succeed in bringing out the Russian jokes again.
Zero Hour - In which SG-1 gets "captured", Ba'al tries to menace Jack into giving up a defective ZPM, Hammond's name is taken in vain and the President may or may not actually exist.
Icon - In which Daniel DOES NOT start a war, but still spends the entire episode atoning for it by inadvertantly seducing the wife of Leisure Suit Larry.
Avatar - In which Sam technobabbles and Jack does not, Teal'c sort of gives up and Daniel does not, and Siler...SILER gets to be a CGI-aided bad-guy.
Affinity - In which Teal'c's efforts to leave the nest are seriously thwarted, Daniel "crosses the line", although not really and Sam...well, I ignored most of those parts, okay?
Covenant - In which Sam learns the value of "if at first you don't succeed, just use the zat gun", and Thor spends most of the episode debating what to give the President.
Sacrifices - In which Bra'tac continues to be the best character ever, I rejoice because they finally went off world, and Christopher Judge writes another fantastic episode.
Endgame - In which Davis learns the value of a well timed coffee break and a whole bunch of plot elements from seasons five through seven come back. Jacob, did you have to stay in the teaser?
Gemini - In which the Universe loses the one advantage it had over the Replicators, as RepliCarter begins the final showdown.
Prometheus Unbound - In which Daniel takes a trip that does not go at all according to plan and Jack loses his chair.
It's Good to Be King - In which Maybourne is attacked by WAYNE BRADY (!) and trots out every possible reason Jack should kill him.
Full Alert - In which Kinsey makes a mess of things AGAIN, but sort of gets his come-up-ance in the form of a snake to the head. They still don't manage to kill him though.
Citizen Joe - In which we find out that they might read fanfic after all and several gaping plot holes are explained away by Jack's inability to articulate.
Reckoning -- part 1 - In which...which...I...Stargate got back Baby!
Reckoning -- part 2 - In which Stargate maintains its fantastic backness as Jack, Sam, Jacob/Selmak and Teal'c all save their respective days. Oh. And Daniel kinda dies. Again.
Threads - In which Daniel has waffles with Anubis, Sam breaks up with Pete, Teal'c realizes freedom comes with a price, and Jack finally gets them all to go fishing.
Moebius - In which...well, it's kinda hard to explain, actually, but the important thing is that it all kicks ass, and then there's more fishing (this time, fish included, settling two of the longest running arguments in the fandom).