Song Lyrics

"Lisa's Birthday Song"
(Taken from the episode Stark Raving Dad)

Michael Jackson: Lisa, it's your birthday.
God bless you this day.
You gave me the gift of a little sister,
And I'm proud of you today.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Michael: I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Bart: Yeah!

"We're Sending Our Love Down The Well"
(Taken from the episode Radio Bart)

Sting: There's a hole in my heart
As deep as a well
For that poor little boy,
Who's stuck halfway to Hell...
Sideshow Mel: Though we can't get him out,
We'll do the next best thing...
McBain: We go on TV
And sing, sing, sing!
All: And we're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: All the way down!
All: We're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: Down that well!

"Kamp Krusty"
(Taken from the episode Kamp Krusty)

Children: Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
By the shores of Big Snake Lake.
Though your swings are rusty,
We know they'll never break.
Kearney: Louder! Faster!
Children: From your gleaming mess hall,
To your hallowed baseball field,
Your spic n' span infirmary,
Where all our wounds are healed.
Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
Below Mount Avalanche.
We will always love Kamp Krusty,
A registered trademark of the Krusty Corporation,
All rights reserved!

"We Are The Mediocre Presidents"
(Taken from the episode I Love Lisa)

Children: We are the mediocre presidents.
You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents!
There's Taylor, there's Tyler,
There's Filmore and there's Hayes.
There's William Henry Harrison,
W.H Harrison: I died in thirty days!
Children: We... are... the...
Adequate, forgettable,
Occasionally regrettable
Caretaker presidents of the U-S-A!

"Oh Whacking Day"
(Taken from the episode Whacking Day)

Choir: Oh whacking day, oh whacking day,
Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.
We'll break their backs,
Gouge out their eyes,
Their evil hearts,
We'll pulverise.
Oh whacking day, oh whacking day,
May God bestow His grace on thee.

"Baby On Board"
(Taken from the episode Homer's Barbershop Quartet)

The Be Sharps: Baby on board, how I've adored,
That sign on my car's windowpane
Bounce in my step; loaded with pep,
'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane.
Call me a square; friend, I don't care
That little yellow sign can't be ignored
I'm telling you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board.

"Chorus Line"
(Taken from the episode Treehouse of Horror V)

Simpson family: One! chorus line of people,
Dancing till they make us stop,
Willie: Too!
Everyone: Many dancing people,
Covered with blood, gore and glop.
Just one sniff of that fog
And you're inside out,
It's worse than that flesh-eating virus
You've read about.
Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in.
The family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine.
Hap-py Hal-lo-we'en!

"The Stonecutters Song"
(Taken from the episode Homer The Great)

Stonecutters: Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Karl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Alien: We do! We do!
Stonecutters: Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
Stonecutters: We do! We do!

"Jazzman"
(Taken from the episode 'Round Springfield)

Lisa: Lift me won't you lift me
above the old routine
Make it nice
play it clean
Jazzman!
When the Jazzman's testifyin',
a faithless man believes.
He can sing you into paradise,
or bring you to your knees.
Jazzman, take my blues away,
Make my pain the same as yours with every change you play.
Jazzman, oh, Jazzman!

"The Spring In Springfield"
(Taken from the episode Bart After Dark)

Homer: You could close down Moe's,
Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
And nobody would care,
But the heart and soul
Of Springfield's in
Our Maison Derriere!
Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
We're the cheese in your cake,
We put the spring in Springfield.
Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.
Belle: We're that little extra spice
That makes existence extra nice,
A giddy little thrill
At a reasonable price.
Rev.Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
With your total lack of morals.
Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!
Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
The clams on your linguine,
Yes we keep the
(Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
In Springfield!
Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
Since March of 1961!
Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!
Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
Dancing Girls: So don't take the
(Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
Everyone: We won't take the
(Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
Yes let's keep the
(Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
In Springfield!

"Our Nanny"
(Taken from the episode Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'Oh-cious)

Lisa: If you wish to be our sitter,
Please be sweet and never bitter.
Help us with math and book reports,
Bart: Might I add - eat my shorts!
Lisa: Bart!
Bart: Just cuttin' through the treacle.
Lisa: If Maggie's fussy, dont avoid her,
Bart: Let me get away with moider!
Lisa: Teach us songs and magic tricks,
Homer: Might I add - no fat chicks!
Marge: Homer!
Lisa: The nanny we want is kindly and sage,
Homer: And one who will work for minimum wage.
Lisa: Hurry nanny, things are grim,
Grampa: I'll do it!
Bart & Lisa: Anyone but him.

"The American Way"
(Taken from the episode Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'Oh-cious)

Shary: If there's a task that must be done,
Don't turn your tail and run,
Don't pout, don't sob,
Just do a half-assed job!
If... you... cut every corner
It is really not so bad,
Everybody does it,
Even mom and dad.
If nobody sees it,
Then nobody gets mad,
Bart: It's the American way!
Shary: The policeman on the beat
Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
Shary: And the clerk who runs the store
Can charge a little more
For meat!
Apu: For meat!
Shary: And milk!
Apu: And milk!
Both: From 1984!
Shary: If... you... cut every corner,
You'll have more time for play,
Everyone: It's the American waaaaay!

"A Boozehound Named Barney"
(Taken from the episode Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'Oh-cious)

Shary: In front of a tavern,
Flat on his face,
A boozehound named Barney
Is pleading his case.
Barney: Buy me a beer,
Two bucks a glass.
Come on, help me,
I'm freezing my ass.
Buy me brandy,
A snifter of wine.
Who am I kidding?
I'll drink turpentine.
Moe: Move it, ya drunk,
Or I'll blast your rear end.
Barney: I found two bucks!
Moe: Then come in, my friend!
Shary: And so, let us leave
On this heartwarming scene.
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not till you're fifteen.

"Happy With Things The Way They Are"
(Taken from the episode Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'Oh-cious)

Homer: Around the house, I never lift a finger,
As a husband and a father, I'm sub-par.
I'd rather drink a beer
Than win father of the year,
I'm happy with things the way they are.
Lisa: I'm getting used to never getting noticed,
Bart: I'm stuck here 'till I can steal a car.
Marge: The house is still a mess,
And I'm going bald from stress,
Bart, Marge, & Lisa: But we're happy, just the way we are.
Ned: They're not perfect,
But the Lord says "Love thy neighbour."
Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
Ned: Okely-dokely-do.
Shary: Don't think it's sour grapes,
But you're all a bunch of apes,
And so I must be leaving you!

"Kids Today"
(Taken from the episode Wild Barts Can't be Broken)

Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!
Rev. Lovejoy: Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill. Homer: Yeah! You're only here 'cause Marge forgot her pill.
Chief Wiggum: Kids, you're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks.
Krusty: Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys!
Please don't quit the fan-club!
Marge: Kids! I can nag and nag 'till my hair turns blue!
Edna: Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say 'thank you'!
Rod & Todd: Why can't you be like we are?
Adults: Oh, what a bunch of brats!
Moe: We oughta drown you just like cats!
Bart: Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Nelson: Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Lisa: Adults! You're such a drooling, boring, boozing boring bunch. Surly, meany, three-martini lunchers...
Ralph: I just ate a thumbtack!
Milhouse:Adults! They're always telling us to ...
Grampa:Shut your traps!
Jasper: Eh; we're fed up with all you whipper-snaps!
Over 75's: We're tryin' to get some sleep here, it's almost six- fifteen!
What's the matter with ...
Adults: Don't you treat us like ...
Kids: Can't you just lay off ...
Over 75's: We're sick of all of you!
All: Kids toooo...day!

"Bart's Song Of Faith"
(Taken from the episode Faith Off)

Bart: Satan, Eat My Shorts!
I was a sinner, a real bad kid.
What thou shalt not, I shalt did.
Neighbours cat I tried to neuter,
took a whizz on the school computer.
Sherri & Terri: He took a whizz, oh yes he did!
Bart: But now I've changed, you can't deny,
come on up - and testify!
Sherri & Terri: Testify! Testify! Come on up and testify!
Abe: My hip's misbehavin'!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Patty: Got a nicotine craving!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Frink: There's a cramp in my glavin!
Sherri & Terri: Testify!
Bart & Sherri & Terri: Testify!
All: Testify!
Milhouse: My glasses make me look like a geek.
Bart: Now you'll get the girls you seek.
Sherri & Terri: We'll see you at Makeout Creek.
All (Except Bart): Bart's the boy of the hour,
he's got the power!
So raise your voice and don't be shy,
Test-a, test-a,
All: Test-a-fyyyyyyy!
Testify! Testify! Come on up and Testify!