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| The first contemporary appearance of WARD "C" on Planet Earth occurred in 1992, in a strategically selected small Australian country town. The successful landing party comprised DOCTOR APOLLO, MR. STROKER, NURSE DEMOLITION, THE ANAESTHETIST and THE MORTICIAN. The community, unaware of the extraterrestrial origins of the galactic galavanters, believed WARD "C" was constructed as an essential part of the Institution and, as such, remained largely ignorant of the unconventional activities occurring within the confines of the asylum. The Sanatorians cleverly insinuated themselves into society by assuming identities and appearances consistent with local fashions. The music of universes far distant was slowly revealed to selected punters one by one, in an attempt to prevent what the media commonly refer to as 'mass hysteria'. Instigated by the charming MR. STROKER who enchanted appropriate venue management, the band first performed to a packed house at the GULGONG RSL in September 1992 at a fashion function, approximately four months after landing. Thus the unsuspecting Australian public was introduced to DOCTOR APOLLO (vocals), MR. STROKER (drums), NURSE DEMOLITION (sound demolition technics), THE ANAESTHETIST (lead & rhythm guitar) and THE MORTICIAN (bass). Constricted by social expectation, flannelette shirts and footy socks, WARD "C" nevertheless mesmerised all present with their soaring alien keyboards (acquired enroute from Jupiter), phaser guitar, sensational stage performance and tight technique. None however suspected what DOCTOR APOLLO's diligently positioned SANTA hat actually enclosed, all believing it to be a fashion accessory necessitated by an idiosyncratic whim of the highly-strung disguised doctor. Rapidly developing a cult following, songwriting and public performances became sporadic following THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN DISPERSAL of 1995. THE MORTICIAN went underground and has never been seen since; MR. STROKER turned to vacuum cleaners for financial advice and became trapped in the capitalistic black hole that is real estate. THE ANAESTHETIST infiltrated the nation's defence force, discovered primitive high powered explosive devices and perpetuated computer viruses. Although the latter two Sanatorians continued to work intermittently with DOCTOR APOLLO, research on Experiment omega-5 occurred too infrequently to be of any real benefit to Mission Neorock. |
| MISSION NEOROCK. AIMS: To leech the financial resources of Planet Earth and transfer into exotic Sanatorian bank accounts. To continue research on Experiment omega-5. METHOD: Dispatch top-selling Sanatorian artists to Planet Earth to divert funds from multinational labels that mass produce 'designer' bands. Unite selected agents with the alternative 'fringe' and prudently infiltrate mainstream pop. The agents will be collectively known as WARD "C". |
| DOCTOR APOLLO ... microphonics MATRON X ... bass, backing vocals THE FIREMAN ... keyboards, backing vocals & noises NURSE NASTY ... lead & rhythm guitar, backing vocals PSYCKO SURGEON ... drums, backing vocals |
| SANATORIAN SUPERSTARS. The following artists currently involved in Experiment omega-5 were eventually selected following an exhaustive elimination process based entirely upon substance abuse and bribery: |
| N.B. The actual identity of these agents has been suppressed to protect their families on Planet Sanatorius. It is known that at least two have previously visited Planet Earth on more than one occasion. |
| N.B. It is unknown why the dispersal occurred; some postulate that geographic isolation from their Sanatorian supervisors led the superstars into neglectful temptations and, inevitably, consumption of forbidden fruit. |
| DOCTOR APOLLO and NURSE DEMOLITION however remained loyal to their ephemeral asylum superiors and continued to investigate Australian music parameters. They temporarily parted and separately explored different regions of the music subculture. Realising the increasing popularity of the alternative music market, it became apparent that Mission Neorock could provide the Sanatorians with the FLESH required for absolute galactic nirvana. Thus the asylum was mobilised from its remote Australian outback locality and Mission Neorock commenced operations in the larger and infinitely more promising localities of NEWCASTLE and LISMORE, under the scrutiny of DOCTOR APOLLO and NURSE DEMOLITION respectively. Realising the void left by the departure of their fellow Sanatorians, a hasty decision was made to allow Earthlings the opportunity to contribute to Experiment omega-5. Several potential candidates were allotted 'trial' periods to fulfil their lofty self-expressed suitabilities; none succeeded in achieving the guidelines dictated by Mission Neorock. It became increasingly obvious to DOCTOR APOLLO that although Earthlings were ambitious, they were also lazy, undisciplined and grossly unreliable. Returning to the asylum, he dispatched an urgent message to his superiors on Planet Sanatorius, requesting Superstar reinforcements. His correspondence was received with some alarm. Alerted to the possibility that Mission Neorock may be an unanticipated failure (thus compromising Experiment omega-5), the Sanatorians overseeing Mission Neorock determined the doctor's request to be valid and began the search for replacements. Of the many individuals examined, only a handful were judged to be suitable candidates. Arrangements were made to transfer the back-up Superstars to Planet Earth. Inexplicably, an electron surge during the transfer phase caused random distribution of the Superstars over a large area rather than their arrival at the predetermined destination coordinates. Additionally, transfer synchronicity was sabotaged, resulting in arrivals occurring at unknown times and at unknown intervals. The first to appear was ORANGE CONCENTRATE, scantily clad in trademark orange camisole. Fortuitously, the drummer emerged in LISMORE, the site of NURSE DEMOLITION's undertakings. They quickly discovered the emphatic rapport only Sanatorian Superstars can share and informed DOCTOR APOLLO of ORANGE CONCENTRATE's coming. Familiar Sanatorian rhythms and harmonies reverberated off eager WARD "C" padding when the three fervently engaged in sonic copulation soon after. ORANGE CONCENTRATE's uncanny insight was a welcome change from the romantic fantasising the faithful Sanatorians had become familiar with. The research was performed with consumate professionalism. Mission Neorock was back on track. Impatiently awaiting the arrival of the other dispatched Sanatorians, DOCTOR APOLLO took to the road in an attempt to discover their whereabouts, aware they could well be still 'shimmying' within the interstellar vortex. He slowly headed south, hoping that fate would deliver the missing Superstars to him. A remarkable coincidence eventuated as DOCTOR APOLLO was passing through NEWCASTLE, a site of previous research. While investigating a well known musician haunt, DOCTOR APOLLO literally bumped into a fellow Sanatorian; not one of the Superstars he so desperately sought, but PROFESSOR OMEGA himself ... chair of Experiment omega-5 !!! Communication problems between Planet Sanatorius and Planet Earth were obviously jeopardising the eminent researcher's vision and had doubtlessly forced his hand. PROFESSOR OMEGA had come to realise that for Mission Neorock to fulfil its unparalleled potential, his personal attention was warranted. Whilst delighted that ORANGE CONCENTRATE had safely found the asylum, PROFESSOR OMEGA was concerned by the absence of other Superstars he had enlisted, including PSYCKO SURGEON and the formidable MATRON X. Unfortunately, PROFESSOR OMEGA's anxiety proved to be accurate. In a further bizarre twist, anonymous evil entities were consigned, probably from a rival research project, to attack the asylum databank. At first it was thought that their incursion was repelled successfully, but just when research in LISMORE was begining to generate outstanding data, NURSE DEMOLITION and ORANGE CONCENTRATE were banished to a parallel dimension by a mysterious level XII Sorcerer in a particularly ugly Dungeons & Dragons incident. This highly sought after individual also vanished without trace, although there has been a recent reported sighting of him ensconsed within the labyrinth of catacombes somwhere beneath Eastern Afghanistan. Experiment omega-5 was now in severe jeopardy. DOCTOR APOLLO and PROFESSOR OMEGA retreated to the safety of the asylum and discussed their dilemma. Compelled by necessity to advance Mission Neorock, they decided to procede with a laboratory photo session. PROFESSOR OMEGA disguised himself as PSYCKO SURGEON and a female fill-in Earthling was enticed to portray MATRON X with dubiously believable guarantees of world domination; perhaps prematurely, she was allowed access to asylum experimental data. The images of her WARD "C" initiation can be seen in the laboratory series on the 'PHOTOS' page. ____________________________________________ Months passed by in the asylum without any news of the dispatched Sanatorians. Research continued, albeit slowly and frequently with little result. With the loss of NURSE DEMOLITION and ORANGE CONCENTRATE, LISMORE operations were terminated. Even the NEWCASTLE department seemed threatened by the enigmatic menace. Until ... ... the arrival of MATRON X. Welcomed with relief by an enthusiastic DOCTOR APOLLO, the Maton had apparently been lurking in NEWCASTLE for some time, waiting for a particularly rampant episode to subside. This overcome, her enthusiasm to discover further research secrets flourished. Work on Experiment omega-5 recommenced. MATRON X revealed her hand over the internet. Her carefully worded and placed classified came under the immediate scrutiuny of DOCTOR APOLLO whilst he was perusing the asylum databank one evening. Contact was swiftly achieved. The transfer vortex remained improbable for some time. As a New Earth Year was declared, the vortex cleared and THE FIREMAN appeared, instantly recognisable by his trademark trendsetting hairstyle, peculiar to Sanatorian Conflagrationalists. PSYCKO SURGEON manifested almost immediately thereafter, thankful to be finally back from the Deep Throat Space Dimension. It was very perceptive to send both PSYCKO SURGEON and THE FIREMAN; they have worked on research together before on Planet Sanatorius and have even participated in projects vaguely similar to Experiment omega-5. PSYCKO SURGEON has won numerous Sanatorian awards and is famous for maintaining rhythm. Recently on Viagra he had managed to maintain rhythm for 42 of their days, beating all cummers in the process. NURSE NASTY was spotted along a well-known NEWCASTLE entertainment strip after DOCTOR APOLLO received directions from THE WISE ONES. Hailing from the Southern Hemisphere of Planet Sanatorius s/he has much to offer Experiment omega-5. Finally it seems all necessary Sanatorians are together. Weird noises have been heard coming from The Fire Station; PROFESSOR OMEGA and DOCTOR APOLLO have been seen conspiring. PACKAGES have been dispatched to appropriate targets, entrusted entirely to The Snail. The people of NEWCASTLE are particularly "lucky" to be allowed world-first access to the data WARD "C" have discovered during their research periods. |
| THE ANAESTHETIST ... lead guitar, rhythm guitar THE MORTICIAN ... bass MR. STROKER ... drums, concussion, backing vocals NURSE DEMOLITION ... keyboards, backing vocals ORANGE CONCENTRATE ... drums, backing vocals & screams |
| departed Superstars. The following artists were once invaluable asylum assets but have now abandoned Mission Neorock: |
| SYNOPSIS. |
| wardc.live.com.au |
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