Animal Jokes.
What's the difference between a sheep and a Lada ?
You don't feel quite so embarrased being seen getting out of the back of a sheep.
A man, a parrot and a budgie were standing on the edge of a cliff. Suddenly the man jumps off and smashes his head on the rocks below and dies instantly.
"Fuck that" said the parrot, "I don't think much to this parrot-gliding,"
"And I'm not into this budgie-jumping either" say's the budgie.
Three dogs meet up in the vets. The Alsation tells the other two, "I'm here to be put down for biting the next door neighbour." "Same here" say's the second dog a Rottweiler, "I'm always trying to bite people"
The third dog a Great Dane said, "I'm here because yesterday by gorgeous blonde owner bent down in front of me without any knicker's on, and without a second thought I did what comes naturally, mounted her a gave here a right good seeing to."
"So you're being put down as well"  said the other two dog's.
"Oh no, I'm here to have my nails cut."
Two athletes are on safari when they came across a lion. One of them immediately bent down and started to put on his running shoe's. "It's no good doing that, you'll never out run a lion," said the other."I know, but if I can out run you then that's all that matter's."
Three friends are sitting around  the fire talking about how great their dog's are.
The first tells them his dog is called Woodman, "Let me show you why. Woodman go boy." At that the dog takes a log from the side of the fire and carves it into a beautful statue of a bird.
The second man explain's why his dog is called Stoneman. "Go boy go." Immediately the dog jump's up takes part of the stonework away from the fire and carves it into an Indian.
Finally the third man say's "I call my dog Ironman, Watch this."  The man heat's the fire tongues until they are White- Hot and then tells his mates, "watch this,"
"I'll just touch him on the ball's with this and you watch him make a bolt for the door."
Two men are sitting in the park watching a dog lick it's ball's, "I wish I could do that" said one of the men, "give it a bone and it may let you said the other."
More Jokes coming soon...