Fans of King Kong , Mighty Joe Young , and all of the other classic old fashioned giant monkey movies should probably just leave now, because A*P*E will deffinately drive you to an early grave! All fans of monkeys and monkey based cinema are invited to just stop right now and evacuate this review as soon as humanly possible, because A*P*E is the downfall of all the well loved simian films of this or any time! King Kong ? Nothing after A*P*E. Planet Of The Apes ? Nothing. Gorillas In The Mist ? Nothing. Dunsten Checks In ?! NOTHING! All of these hairy, tick infested chimp movies have lost any and all respect they may have garnered, all thanx to A*P*E!!!! Korea (in coalition with the U.S. military) must have dastardly plans in store for us, putting out movies like this that, like any other piece of garbage or floating feces, manages to float it's way to our already polluted beaches and make our lives just that much more miserable! Okay, let me pop some valium and I'll settle down enough to write this review... Alright, first things first, this Korean King Kong knock-off was actually pieced together with the help of the U.S. Army. What part they played exactly is unknown to me, but I'm hoping it was a very minor and unimportant part. If they were responsible for more than 2.05% of this movie, then I have estimated that is axactly the amount which will drive me to seek shelter in the arms of another country, abandoning the U.S., my friends, my family, and my American made items! However, until I find out just what it is the Army did for this movie, Uncle Sam can still safely plunder my wallet and rape my paycheck. Anyway, this movie follows a 36 foot tall gorilla who breaks free from a transport ship that is, what else, transporting him to Korea. His awakening results in the destruction of the chinsey model ship, as well as the demise of any and all aboard. Fortunately though, the writers decided there was no point in telling us just how they managed to get the monkey in the first place, or what they planned on doing with it. Then again, maybe that would've made more sense, seeing as how there isn't exactly a bevy of plot to work on now anyway. Well, after escaping his floating cell, the large chimp then shows off his dislike for Stephen Spielberg when he kills Jaws, before strolling onto dry land and smashing buildings while setting the harbor ablaze. Not to worry though, because I imagine one of those small fire extinguishers was more than enough to put out the burning models... I mean, "warehouses". Furball then goes about the countryside, terrorizing the occasional band of school children or gang of warring ninja gardeners. The U.S. Army is asked for assistance, but they chalk it up as being a big publicity stunt for an upcoming movie and that everyone who reports the giant simian is Korean, so they don't know what they're doing anyway. Not even guys in hang gliders are safe from the A*P*E's rampage, as he plucks one from the very sky and plays around with him for a short time, before going off to continue his rampage. He kidnaps an American starlet (see, told ya, an obvious KING KONG clone gone wrong), releasing her before the Army shoots him down and brings an end to the lice farm's tyranny. Sadly, some dumb ass stage technician left the fog machine on "London" mode at this pivotal scene, so we don't even get to see the sweet satisfaction of watching the monkey die! I feel most disappointed that the movie's creators, though they stole the idea from the U.S., didn't decide to explore the aspects of having such a large primate! Yes, it was all done before, so the only way to improve upon the original stencil is to look deeper into other aspects of the title character! For instance, there could've been a delightful Disney-inspired scene where the giant gorilla raids a bananna warehouse for food, leaving the peels scattered about for the military to slip and slide around on for a hilarious 20 minutes of good old fashioned slapstick! Then again, they could've taken the "kidnapping of a beautiful actress" thing one step further, and shown him trying to mate with the woman! Nothing like a big fat monkey dick staring at you to wake you up in the morning! Better yet, there's my grand plan of showing a far more natural side of A*P*E: have him throw his own feces at the Army! Instead of styrafoam bolders, he could've simply plopped out a few logs and slung them with frat boy force! But, none of these more intriguing and entertaining levels were explored, so we're stuck with A*P*E, uncut, uncensored, and unwatchable... Pardon me, I need to wipe out Kathy Lee's sweat shop to make me feel better now. See you in Hell, ya bitch!

Also Known As: Attack Of The Giant Horny Gorilla ; The New King Kong ; Super Kong ; Hideous Mutant

Sequels: No No No No No No No, and for the last time, NO!

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: Dressing like a monkey and jumping into a mob of gorillas in heat with female scent all over your rectum.