Yes, one of the more well known of the "killer toys" subgenre, I bring to you this story of a killer doll possessed by a deceased serial killer... if you've never seen this movie and you just heard how I described it, you're no doubt thinking one of three things: (1) "This is a pretty cool concept and I must go to Wal-Mart and purchase a cheap, yet very worthwhile copy of this fine example of modern horror". Or, (2) "Hahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one! Okay, what's the movie REALLY about? Wait, you're NOT trying to insult my intelligence and good taste? Ok, fuck you then". Then of course there's the third option, (3) "Mmmmmm, I like pie". As you can guess by both my 2 1/2 star rating and my excessive mid-section, I'm more a pie lover myself.

Director and screenplayist Tim Holland brings us CHILD'S PLAY following a minor success story career as a writer on THE BEAST WITHIN, CLASS OF 1984 and PSYCHO II and giving himself a name with his directorial and writing skills on cult success FRIGHT NIGHT. The film opens with notorious serial killer the Lakeshore Strangler, as he's pursued by Detective Mike Norris through dimly lit alleyways and vacant streets in the quest for justice. After taking a few bullets and getting left behind by his accomplice, Mr. Strangler (Lakeshore to his friends) finds his way into a toy store, where he stumbles upon a pill of "boy dolls"... you know, toys made for young boys who want to play with soft and cuddly dolls, but without the parents questioning their kid's sexual orientation, resulting in a binge of cheap whisky and domestic violence. Anyway, Charles Lee Ray (the strangler) shows us he's more than just another scraggly face, as he uses a voodoo chant to transfer his soul into that of one of these dolls... yes, there's not one typo in that sentence, every word of it true. After the transfer spell is completed, the entire store explodes! All this time the guy's been wasting his time strangling people when he could be the next Sorcerer Supreme, or even a sideshow carnival act! What a mook. Oh, though the store explodes, neither Detective Norris nor the flesh and blood body of Charles sustain any damage... sloppy work Holland. Finding the body in the rubble, Mike chalks it up as a case of "that's that" and the Lakeshore Strangler case is put to rest... for about 2 days.

From this happy scene we go to a dismal and depressing one, full of torment and pain and suffering for all involved. Like a horrible Greek tragedy, we shiver inside, a pit forming in our stomach as we die a little inside, just seeing something so inhuman and destructive, something so flagrantly shunning every moral value in existence that no one, not even myself, can watch it undaunted, looking away to vomit simply because I witness that something of such a vile nature even exists. Yes, a young boy named Andy Barclay, makes his mother... (dramatic pause)... BREAKFAST! *Insert ominous "dun-dun-DUN!* That's right, young Andy Barclay has made his hard working mommy some breakfast in bed (at an ungodly hour of the morning), that consists of burnt toast (barely holding up against the mountains of butter he slops on it) and a big bowl of Good Guys Cereal. Makes me think back to the days of my childhood, when the cereal was all about sugar and funny shapes, with NO nutritional value what-so-ever. Back before the dental uprising of '92 that is... those bastard tooth cleaners and their anti-cavity rhetoric propaganda... Anyway, as for what exactly Good Guys cereal is, well, it's cereal based on Andy's favorite commercial brainwashing program. I'm not sure exactly what the Good Guys are all about, but I do know that they've whored their likenesses to any product imaginable and Andy's got all of it. From the Good Guys cereal to the Good Guys pajamas, to the Good Guys vaginal douche kit, Andy's got it all... except for a Good Guys official super duper collectible if-your-parents-don't-buy-it-for-you-then-they-don't-really-love-you doll. Guess what Andy wants for his birthday? That's right parents, when your children are too unsocial or unsanitary for real friends, and you'd rather drink Vodka and smock crack than improve your parenting skills, at least there'll always be the Good Guys!

Lucky for him that Andy's mom Sarah happens to stumble on one such doll for sale by a bum in the alley behind the department store in which she works. No, it doesn't matter how he got a hold of it or how long he's been using it for a port-a-crapper, just as long as Sara can get it for $70 less than the store price. As you can imagine, Andy's hunger for overpriced commercialism is satiated as Sara returns home and bestows upon him one buck-toothed, Osh-Kosh wearing, red-headed cretin of a talking doll. Each Good Guy has a name, like the Cabbage Patch Brats, and Andy's happens to be named Chucky... as in, short for Charles... as in Charles Lee Ray... as in the Lakeshore Strangler... as in the guy who, look, if you don't get it yet, you need to head back to third grade and pick up where you left off, then come back later in the hopes of understanding the situation just a little better. Well, maybe you'll understand after the next few sentences. That night, while Sara's at work and her friend Maggie is babysitting Andy, Chucky seems to be telling Andy things beyond his three phrase, preprogrammed vocabulary, like a desire to watch the evening news when a promo mentions that Charles Lee Ray's accomplice has escaped his bonds and is now on the run. When Maggie gets a little overly cruel to young Andy concerning bed time and letting Chucky watch TV, she winds up sidewalk diving from the window of the Barclays' 6th story apartment. Yep, Andy's Good Guy happens to be the exact doll that the Lakeshore Strangler transferred his immortal soul into.

Sara's noticeably shocked when she comes home to find her best friend's been tossed out of a window, especially when the only suspect if her son. Investigating the incident happens to be none other than Detective Mike Norris, the same guy responsible for the death of Chucky in the first place, which seems rather convenient in Chucky's bid for vengeance, but what can ya do. As for Andy, he insists that the doll is doing everything and not him. He even goes so far as the flat out say that his doll is possessed by Charles Lee Ray, which is of course blown off as "making up stories". Well, because of horror movies, I will never doubt my childrens' claims of things like homicidal toys, closet monsters or bill collectors. No matter how fucked up their stories or lies, I will take each one into consideration until the truth can be proven other wise. Who knows, it might save my ass one day. The following day, Sara drops Andy off at school, only to have him wander off and hop a train under Chucky's influence. The two take a little field trip to the really bad part of town, where Chucky escapes Andy's attention and seeks out his accomplice at their old hideout. As you can imagine this doesn't bode well for the dirtbag that left Charles high and dry in his time of need, as the demented doll puts out the pilot light on the stove, filling the house with gas and making for a rather unpleasant surprise when the guy fires his gun, resulting in a massive explosion, one that, again, leaves Chucky unscuffed. I guess when you're a killer doll you don't have to be subtle, as so far both of Chucky's killings have been pretty public. Maybe I should transfer my soul into a doll... might help put an end to all those screams and horrified shrieks when I pop up on the street to cut down clients. You try being a half-man, half-jackal God wielding a massive scythe and hacking at people with it without the public being terrified of YOU! Maybe it's just my white robe though... white does make my ass look fat...

Sara is called to the police station to pick up Andy, finding him under interrogation by the 5-0 for yet another incident. Sara gives Andy a stern talking to about his bullshitting and misbehavior, telling him he'd better tell the truth or he'll be taken away from her. This finally sets Andy off and he flips shit, attacking Chucky when he doesn't talk. The cops hold Andy for the night, giving him counseling while Sara goes home, left alone with the evil toy... I smell trouble... must be that bean I ate for dinner... At home, Sara starts to blame the doll too, pissed off that her son, who she loves and therefore feels she must believe, is the pawn of this plastic monster's games. While screwing with the package that Chucky came in (ewwww, he came in it?! Damn, that's a realistic doll.), something interesting falls out: Chucky's batteries. Yes, this entire time the damn thing's been flapping it's synthetic gums without any juice. Now Sara's starting to believe Andy's stories, but when she demands the toy talk to her and confess, it remains silent. So, to help loosen his tongue (which is actually molded to the bottom of his plastic mouth, so I don't think it will be loosening much) she lights the fireplace and gives Chucky a choice, talk or take a trip through the little know Good Guys accessory, the Good Guy Funeral Pyre! Not one to cut the movie short, Chucky finally breaks his silence, screaming and going insane on Sara, kicking her ass with his little legs and contorting his face in shapes that go far beyond the limits of any normal plastic!

The struggle is short-lived, as Chucky escapes into the city streets, thus taking with him any evidence Sara might've had to get her little double murderer off the hook. Fully convinced now, she visits Det. Norris to relay her findings. He of course thinks she's also full of shit, and is lying in an attempt to save her son, so she goes to the bad part of town to search out the bum who sold her Chucky in the first place, in the hopes of getting some info on what the fuck is happening. She actually finds the guy somehow, but when she asks for where he got his hands on the doll, he offers to get his hands on her, amongst other things... and his equally shabby and homeless friends are in the mood to be "helpful" too. But, before this can turn into an back alley rape flick, Norris pops in, waving his piece and scaring the vagrants off with the sheer size of it... I'm of course speaking of his firearm, not his dick... sorry ladies... and fags... though what cigarettes have to do with this I don't know... okay, I'm just confusing myself more than usual. With the proper motivation (i.e. a knee thrust into his groin) the scumbag gives up the requested info. Turns out he stole the doll from the burnt out remains of the devastated toy store where Norris and the Strangler put their business to bed. This noticeably shocks the detective, but it still doesn't convince him that Charles Lee Ray lives inside a plastic shell. He becomes a believer soon enough though, after dropping Sara off at her apartment and being attacked by Chucky from the backseat of the car! I told ya, never will I doubt my offspring.

Mike must free himself from a cord strangulation and evade numerous attacks from a butcher knife all the while trying to navigate his runaway Buick through the city streets. I might take this scene a little more serious were it not for the observation that, though Mike takes his foot off the peddles, the car continues to accelerate, even despite it coming in contact with curbs, trash cans and other automobiles. Also, being a cop, you'd think that when he did get the opportunity, he'd be jammin' his feet on the brake pedal... instead he hits the gas... I don't think people who can't follow the law's safety rules should be allowed to enforce them. Come to think of it, I don't think there should be anyone enforcing laws at all. Yep, ROAD WARRIOR all the way, that's for me! Ha, I'd be one of the first to die... Completely off topic though, let me get back to work. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride comes to an end finally, when the car flips and lands on it's roof. With Mike pinned it looks like the end of the road for the piggy, until he shoots Chucky in the shoulder, injuring him and sending him packing. Well, for anyone wondering if Chucky's stuffing and plastic have magical nerve endings, well, now we know. Needless to say (but as always I'll say it anyway) Mike believes all the stories now and heads to Karen's place to join her in the hunt for answers. As for Chucky, he visits his old voodoo cell mate pal John in hopes of finding out why he can feel pain and how he can get the fuck out of this stupid little body.

John doesn't like the evil that Chucky's been up to and refuses to help him, instead telling him that his body is becoming flesh and blood and soon he'll be no more than the world's smallest serial killer... hmmmm, that's what I'd like to see more horror movies about, murderous midgets! Sounds like something for Troma... or Full Moon if they're desperate enough... which as of this review, after seeing stuff like TOTEM, MURDERCYCLE, DEMONICUS and STITCHES, could REALLY help them at this point... Chucky convinces John to help him out when he breaks him up with a voodoo doll (again, he knows genuine voodoo magic, yet he's a common serial killer, this confuses me) and Chuck discovers that the only thing he can do now is transfer his soul into the body of the first person he revealed his secret to, Andy. Wait a sec, again I have to question Mr. Lee Ray's motivation. Why the fuck did he tell Andy his secret in the first place?! There was no reason! I mean, was he so giddy and retardedly proud of what he'd accomplished that he couldn't resist telling someone?! Again, this makes no sense. As for John, Chucky does the obvious and kills him, stabbing the voodoo doll and leaving him for dead. After he leaves, Karen and Mike (who have been looking for the voodoo man this whole time) show up just as John's taking his last breaths, which he uses to tell them to save Andy and about Chucky's weak point: his heart. Meanwhile, Chucky's already on his way to the child welfare home to swap souls with his little friend. I don't think Andy really has anything to worry about though, because Karen and Mike can just drive there, while Chuck's forced to run there with his little doll legs. After all, it's not like a cab's gonna pick him up, nor can he see over the dashboard to hotwire a car. Also, he's not gonna be able to run there in the middle of the sidewalk, as people will probably get suspicious of a toy running around in public.

Against all logic (as seems to be the one consistent element of this movie), Chucky actually makes it to the welfare home first. Andy escapee though, leaving the nefarious manufactured friend to electroshock Andy's child psychiatrist to a crisp. He finds Andy at home, sneaking in from the fire escape and clocking the kid over the head with a baseball bat, making him easier to deal with during the whole black magic body snatching ritual. In the middle of the event, who should bust in but Karen and Mike to save the day. The rest of the movie is spent with the four participants playing cat and mouse. Finally, after being shot, burned alive (including a HORRIBLE one-liner by Andy of all people), shot some more, decapitated and dismembered, Chucky's shot some more, disposed of with a sizable bullet hole through his chest and the little chunks of his heart spattered on the wall. There's the usual "oh shit, he's not dead yet!" stuff, several incidents to be exact, all of which left me sighing, "Jeezus Kryst, would you just die already?". Mike's partner even gets involved in the orgy of annoyance, getting choked my Chucky's headless and scorched body, for no other reason than to add another voice to the story and give it a little more credibility. The verdict? Well...

The story was a little farfetched, at least for a horror movie with a REAL budget. The acting was decent, except for that terrible line from Andy when he sets Chucky on fire. Uggh, I refuse to repeat it. Not only is it a terribly corny line, but the way the runt delivers it is too much for even a God of Death such as myself to watch with a straight face. The puppeteering FX were good, keeping with the stiff movements that a doll should maintain, whether it was intentional or not. I did like the evil look plastered across Chucky's face too, especially after Mike burns him with the cigarette lighter in his car, giving him the dirty and decrepit look of a serial killer. Had the story and annoying little "that makes no fucking sense at all" parts (that nearly made my head explode in a backlash of confusion and disorder) been cleaned up a tad, and Andy's one horrible line been stricken entirely, CHILD'S PLAY might've been a four star movie, maybe even more with a little more graphic violence. But, as it stands, so does my rating.

After this, Holland would later go on to write and direct the Stephen King adaptations, THINNER and the made-for-TV THE LANGOLIERS. Neither one was all that moving, though Stephen King as a whole was never my cup o' bile, so that might not be Holland's fault. Here he manages to give us some interesting point-of-view shots for Chucky, though I think the doll's a little shorter than the angle he gives us. This technique would later be perfected by good ol' Dave Schmoeller in the superior killer dolls movie PUPPET MASTER, a personal fave of everyone's favorite Death God: me. As for the midget dressed like Chucky and running around in the background shots, I think he's a little too big to play the fiend, so it just looks like exactly what it is: a midget dressed as Chucky running around the set. Besides, this made Chucky's movements far too human and less believable. Three sequels would follow this movie, the uninspired CHILD'S PLAY 2, the unwatchable CHILD'S PLAY 3, and my personal favorite of the series, BRIDE OF CHUCKY... yeah yeah, go ahead and bitch at me, everyone does when I say that. Now, about that pie...

Sequels: CHILD'S PLAY 2; CHILD'S PLAY 3; BRIDE OF CHUCKY

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: PINOCHIO'S REVENGE or DEMONIC TOYS