Remember the original FOOD OF THE GODS movie, based upon the work of H.G. Wells, it featured a group of people becoming stranded and imperiled on a small island as a nest of rats, super sized by some of Mother Nature's love juices that came pouring out of the ground, attempted to eat them. In the end the rats were all drowned in a flood. As for the fountain of natural lube that came out of the ground, it was washed away into the river, leaving us with a dreaded sense of an impending sequel as a child is seen drinking milk from a cow that has drank from from the contaminated water. This sequel isn't as stylish or "old school sci-fi" as the original was, taking a step into the grimmer period of the '80s, as they introduce the giant rat genre (though I doubt 2 or 3 movies count as a 'genre') to the filth and decay of New York City, back in the days when hookers, pimps, and pushers roamed the streets freely and you couldn't take a piss without it spattering on a bum or some guy in a business suit who had just been mugged. Yep, the good old days of New York City, the horror movie days of New York City.

Anywayz, as I said earlier, this is a sequel to the camp classic THE FOOD OF THE GODS. Though it would seem logical to address the ending of the first movie and build off of it, writers Bennett and Brewster (no, not Punky, though I'd like to see her a New York City '80s flick, like DEATH WISH or NEW YORK RIPPER) decide instead to dump that and go with something not completely different, but not completely as good either. The story opens on a college campus, and what are college campuses hotbeds of? If you said learning and education, then you've obviously not been to a college campu in the last 40 years. That's right, colleges are ripe for protesting. The topic of this week's "Hell no, we won't go" rally is: using lab animals to test cancer treatments. One of the Professors faced with the pressure of these obnoxious hippies is Neil Hamilton, our protagonist and all around nice guy. Actually, he can be a dick sometimes, but when his old med school teacher drops Neil a line asking for his help, he's happy to oblige! It seems that the woman has given an experimental growth hormone to a young boy, hoping it would make him larger for some reason. Well, the hormone's gotten out of hand, turning the little brat 8 feet tall and making him seriously cranky, turning him into an oversized asshole! Here's where Neil comes in, as his old professor requires Neil's assistance in concocting an antidote... if this were an episode of "Kung-Fu", Neil would laugh out of synch with his lips, then arrogantly bellow, "Now the student has become the teacher!", followed by more uneven laughing. Sadly, this is not an apisode of "Kung-Fu", because I would love to see a scene like that right now...

Taking a sample of the chemical back to his lab Neil, a botonist, injects it into some tomato plants. Not to be a Nosey Nelly here Neil, but I think the cells of a 10 year old boy and a 4 week old plant are just a LITTLE different, so why are you wasting time on the fruit plants? Making an ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES are we? Turns out Neil won't test on animals because his girlfriend Alexis is one of those protesting hemrhoids, and if he plays with rats she won't let him play with her. However, do to egging on fro mone of his co-workers, Neil injects some of the concoction into his little white pet rat, which, since it's a pet makes it no longer cruelty to animals... PETA's gonna kick my ass for this someday. Not being the most poinant of scientists, Neil leaves the rat cage a little too close to the mutating fruits, and before you know it, the furry little monsters are chowing down on some FOOD OF THE GODS salad! This makes them massive and allows them to escape their confinement, just in time to feed on a group of those protestors, who broke into the lab looking to make some havoc and ruin some important animal abusing records. Gladly, the big fat vermin feast on the Mario Van Peebles look-alike leader of the gang. He was a really annoying character and I'm just disappointed that it took them 28 minutes to kill him off!

The remainder of the rats scurry off into the sewers seeking fecal encrusted refuge. The next morning the activists' story about the "20 lb. rat" is blown off as bullshit, probably just halucinations brought on by their mind altering hippy substances. This means it's up to Dr. Hamilton and his newfound allies to hunt down and kill the four-legged disease farms before they can harm anyone else!... oh wait, they're already out snacking on the alumni. I got news for ya doc, you and your pals should probably never try getting jobs as exterminators, because you really suck balls at it! I don't mean an normal man's testicles, I'm talking Elaphantitis of the nut sac syndrome here! But, I have to admit, these aren't normal rats to begin with. They need a special kind of genocidal psycho to take them down! A man/woman who can get down and dirty with these rats, fighting them on the same level of ferocity and intellect. This man is, uhm, well, let's just call him the Exterminator, and no, not the shellshocked vigilante from the movie of the same name... though this dude does wield a flamethrower... could it be the same guy?! Nah, come to think of it, this Exterminator would kick the EXTERMINATOR's ass, fry the pubes of his nuts, and give the guy's crippled ballet dancing girlfriend some hardcore lovin' in the brown-eye afterwards! This Exterminator really relishes his job too, as he goes about torching one of the giant rats, bringing it back to the Dean as proof that there fears are over. This is of course bullshit as, at that very moment, a group of students in the sewers gets munched and crunched by the other fecal incrusted beasts! That, and the film's only half way over at this point.

Hey, wait a sec, how did this all start again? Oh yeah, with that large and cranky child Bobby! Whatever happened to him? Let's check in on him shall we? Looks like Bobby continues to grow, getting more and more in desperate need of a nap as he smacks around security and tried to break out of the institute and escape... How a 12 foot tall boy plans to hide I do not know, unless he thinks he can stand in front of a billboard or stands in front of a fast food joint disguised as a children's play place. This doesn't come to terms though, as the security guards manage to wang Bobby with some traqs and subdue him. Enough about Bobby, back to the rats! At the university it's a true state of terror and panic as the bare-assed Mexican, Carlos, shuffles away in fear, narrowly avoiding a rat attack with his pants around his ankles, only to die a more embarassing death as he's nailed by a truck. Gotta hate to be the cop who has to notify the next of kin. "I'm sorry Mrs. Hernando, but your son Carlos was hit by a truck tonight... and he wasn't wearing any pants... can we ask you a few questions?" Then again, think about the horror the truck driver went through seeing that pale Mexican ass coming right at him! Uggh, I can still see it when I close my eyes...

Oh, and for the "these people are getting together in a large meeting in a time of crisis like this?! People in horror movies are too Godz damned stupid to live. I'm glad they all die!" plot builder, the University decides to hold a pool dedication ceremony, which the crusty and bitter old Dean refuses to close just for a little mouse problem, which has actually ecalated into a full blown buffet, with students becoming appetizers left and right. As we all know, this will result in tragedy and the Dean will either be eaten in a scene of poetic justice, or be severely penalized for his bad decision... wait, I'm still lingering on how funny the word 'penalize' is... Meanwhile, tired of the Dean's refusal to cooperate, Dr, Neil and his diminishing ranks of breathing friends race against the clock in hopes of discovering an antidote to the growth serum, if for nothing else then to save his little white mouse amigo that he injected with the stuff ealier. It's not healthy to have love like that for a lab rat. Hasn't he ever seen THE SECRET OF NIHM? It can only end in brokerhearted depression. Nicodeeeeeeemus! And in a completely unimportant scene, another professor whose trickery and skullduggery find him stealing some of Dr. Neil's files, and also getting an added surprise when he accidentally infects himself with a sample of the growth hormone that was combined with cancer cells, creating a super cancer that leaves the evil doctor a puddle of bubbling tumors and ooze. Again, no bearing on the story waht-so-ever, but at least it's full of gore and bubbling ooze, showing us another reason why this is a modern horror movie. Now all they need to complete the modern horror equation is tits... and some bush depending on how low budget the flick is...

Sure enough, the inevitable happens as the overly hormonal rats, wet, angry, hungry, and stinking of shit, show up in the new pool, swimming up through the drains and attacking the University's sychronized swim team. Oh no, now what will they do against Middleville in the big synchronized swin-off on Saturday! Without team captain Molly and right and left wings the Polo twins, the University doesn't stand a chance! Their reputation for fine synchronized water events will be tarnished for years to come... Anyway, the rats come out, start eating people, mauling others, sinking their fangs into some pedestrian meat in a chlorinated bloodbath. Hope the rats remember to wait an hour before going back into the water, wouldn't want them to get cramps... Someone end my rampage before my lame humor hurts someone!

Campus security shows up to earn it's rent-a-cop minimum wage by blasting the rodents with their handguns a blazin'. Here is a good point to hit the mute button and just put on some White Zombie music. "Food of the Gods" off the AIRHEADS soundtrack works nicely, as does their heart warming classic "Super Charger Heaven". After this point whatever story there was has been played to it's limit, leaving nothing but senseless bloodshed and carnage left, so we really don't need to listen to any of the "actors" from here to the end. The pictures say it all. In a twist of unfunny humor, Dr. Neil and his guitar playing pal lure the rats into the University courtyard where the security "force" (and I use the term in all sarcasm) mows them all down, including Neil's beloved giant white rat in a scene every bit as saddening as the finale to OLD YELLER... provided you're in touch with the feelings necessary to convey such abject personal loss, of which I am baron.

Okay, that's all over with, but what about the young sideshow act, Bobby the Mutant Boy? Tired of waiting for a cure, and finally big enough so his body matches his rage, Bobby lashes out at Neil's beloved teacher, wasting her like a badly made GI-Joe, then escaping to start his own rampage. Possibly he's off to act out his role in the latest Billy Crystal bomb, MY GIANT 2: THE STORY OF ANDRE.

Much darker in feel than the original cult movie FOOD OF THE GODS, FoG2 also brandishes a much healthier bucket of gore and a larger dose of action. In addition, though ridiculed by some and completely sodomized by others, I thought the special FX were of the ass kicking kind, again playing on the much more morbid motife. 4 'm' words in a row, I think that's a Yahtzee. The acting was a little overboard, most notably on the part of Dr Neil who, as I said earlier, was a little too attatched to that little white rat of his. I wonder if he even had a little tuxedo suit made for the furball on those romantic eves when the two would sit at home, eat food pellets by candlelight, and then have dirty, freaky sex as Neil slapped Cheez-In-a-Can all over his nuts and stroked off while the little mouse nibbled and licked away... Yes, I know that was a tad too graphic, but necessary. Why? That's for my parole officer to figure out. As for the ending with Bobby's escape, it leaves me to ponder the dilemma, "Am I out of nachos?"...

Also Known As: GNAW: FOOD OF THE GODS II

Sequels: No more after this.

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: NIGHT OF THE LEPUS or BURIAL OF THE RATS