After the dislike of many core Godzilla fans for the '98 GODZILLA from Columbia Tri-Star (reffered to by such people as "Fakezilla"), Toho leapt at the opportunity to start up a new Godzilla series. Just like GODZILLA RAIDS AGAIN and GODZILLA 1985, GODZILLA 2000 is yet another take on what might've been after the ending to the original GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS. This makes THREE alternate realities brought to us by Toho. Now, most everyone bitched about GODZILLA, because it had a computer generated lizard king for the entire movie, where as all the fans were hoping for an American made, "guy in rubber suit" flick. GODZILLA 2000 returns to the rubber suit method, though it incorporates an array of horrible scenes involving blue screen and old fashioned film splicin, which will make people like me long for GODZILLA's CGI, if it'll put a stop to the terrible blue screening! Even though this is supposed to be a third variation on the events following GODZILA: KoM (at least that's what the pimply faced Asian-American at the comicbook store/bootleg shop told me), the connection is never explained in the film itself. All they tell is that Godzilla's been a thorn in the Japanese ass for a while now, never making any referance to other monsters he may have fought in the '60s and '70s, nor his foes of the '90s. Also, G looks a LOT different than he did when he fought Raymond Burr for the first time! Where the Hell did those big gnarly fangs come from?! And what about those deadlier lookin' spines on his back? And where did his neck go? Oh well, G movies have never been overly detailed when it comes to story, so let's just get on with the property damage! It begins as most other Godzilla movies, as the big lizard exits from his oceanic home and proceeds to do the Godzilla-Cha-Cha all over Tokyo. This is the begining of a split in my opinion concerning the FX crew's split screening. At times, it looks like a rampaging reptile really IS strolling down the avenues and alleyways of fair Tokyo! Then again, there are deffinately times in which the blue-screening is so badly done, that you have to wonder if the crew had no experience with such a device, and figured they'd just learn as they go! "Trial and Error" is not a good philosophy when working on a flick that's supposed to redefine/ressurect a legend! Most painful example of these fuck ups: a mere 12 mintues into the movie, the human characters Yuki, Yuji, and Iyo are escaping the scene of G's latest urban renewal. As their SUV gets further and further from the city, coming toward the camera, Godzilla is left standing behind the city skyline. Though the skyline grows smaller and smaller the further the trio gets, Godzilla's location on camera does not change! It gives the impression that G is apparently growing at an exponential rate or something! I prefer model cities and toy tanks to bad blue screen editting. Anyway, at this time, out in the ocean, the Crisis Control Intelligence (or CCI) has just located a giant magnetic meteorite, which they hope to be able to exploit as an alternate power source to help with the ever growing world energy crisis... or to just keep it for themselves and laugh at all the other countries when the oil runs out. Their plans come to a barrier though, as the rock lifts itself off the ocean floor and toward the surface. The only explanation they can come up with is that the rock may be hollow, like a 60 million year old spaceship! Right about here, we get tortured by another blue screen mishap, as, 26 minutes in, there's a really bad scene involving tanks crossing a bridge. This is followed by a whole slew of film splicing horror, as what should be one of the coolest "Godzilla wipes out the military" scenes ever, instead winds up being a Mission: Impossible for me, as I attempt my best not to laugh or groan in disgust. Away from this debachery, the space rock (which seems to be some kind of giant galactic sun dial) decides it's time to pack up it's bags and go on the hunt. G and the ship face off for a short spat, ending after both sides take some heavy scorching, leaving Godzilla to retreat to the sea ad the ship to nestle in the river. When darkness falls, the CCI ties the stony vehicle up with special super cables which are impossible to break... all together now, "Nothing's impossible". Meanwhile, Yuji has scored some Godzilla cells from shorn scales found on the beach from the recent shoot out. He discovers the source of Godzilla's healing abilities, naming it, "Regenerator G-1". Could this information be useful? Well, later on it's used as an explanation to just what the frag starts happening, but importance wise it carries almost none. The following morning, after shedding it's rocky exterior and snapping CCI's super cables (told ya so), the ship makes a bee-line for Tokyo, where it perches itself high atop a Tokyo business building, sending the people running to the streets in panic. Using it's infrared tendrils to works it's way into the city's information network, the metallic monster begins downloading information from every computer in the city! We find out that it's doing so to learn more about our envrionmaent and what it can do to adapt or change the surroundings. That's right, it's using the internet to learn, instead of looking at animal porn or hacking it's neighbor's credit card account, like you'll probably be doing after reading this. Here's where the G man finally makes himself a part of the story again, as he appears from the ocean once more, ready for round 2 against the marauding mothership! After a short back-and-forth, the ship uses it's info tentacles on a fallen Godzilla, using them to replicate some of Godzilla's Regenarator G-1. With the G-1, the ship spawns an evil looking turtle demon the likes of a further mutated Gamera, called Orga. Now we got a Godzilla movie! G and the new edition to his Rogues Gallery have it out, taking turns taking pieces out of each other. Problem is, how is G supposed to defeat a creature that heals faster than he can?! Well, when it tries to eat Godzilla's head in an attempt to absorb his entire DNA code, Godzilla blows his radioactive load down the monster's throat, turning the bastard to so many fragments of felshy debris and crumbling space crap. As for "Kinda-Giddy", the head of the CCI who's got a mad-on for G and wants the cold blooded reptile destroyed, Godzilla takes care of him with one fealt swipe, knocking the ugy off a building and flying to his doom. The oversized lizard then strolls his way back to the ocean, leaving on the cornballed dialogue, "Godzilla is in each one of us". In addition to the atrocious film splicing/blue-screening of the movie, there were a few more complaints. First and foremost, for being the title character, Godzilla's screentime was next to nothing, when compared to the meteorite/ship/monster! I can understand the human characters getting the most attention (though now if you think about it, they didn't seem too important or sympathetic anyway), but since when does a Godzilla enemy become the majority focus of a Godzilla film! But, you have to give credit to Toho for bringing us a more agressive, take-no-shit incarnation of the G Man, updating him to a more "you want a piece of this?" look... even though no one ever mentions how this came about. Finally, I also have to give it to Toho, ebcause some of the settings and scenery of this flick really seemed outstanding, in spite of the blue-screening! If they hadn't done such a bad job, I would've loved the river battle scene! Oh well, guess it's time to just sit back and wait for the next sequel. Until then children, keep your heads away from metal pressing machines, and remain faithful to me, your God of Death and Embalming! Anubis rules!

Also Known As: GODZILLA 2000: MILLENIUM

Sequels: Not yet

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: GAMERA 3: INCOMPLETE STRUGGLE or GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH