"Return" of the Alien's Deadly Spawn?! When the Hell were they here before? THIS ISN'T A SEQUEL! AND THERE IS NO PREQUEL! So how is this their "Return"? Man my head hurts... Well, this whole tragedy starts as 2 camping dorks discover a meteorite as they're scampering around, and the rock's owner thoroughly rips the 2 apart. After the credits, the thing rips up a shmuck in his basement and then eats the shmuck's wife. But, the 2 sons and the aunt and uncle are still around to contribute to the death count. As attempting to scare the electrician, Chuck (the younger brother) comes face-to-teeth with the creature and it's sperm-like "deadly" spawn... but they don't eat him... fucking aliens. Pete (the other brother)'s friends show up (though only one of them dies) to dissect one of the little turds, which they found on the side of the road. While that's "going on", at another house one of the intergalactic tadpoles gets caught up in a food processor, turned into Guacamole, and eaten by some old women! After a consolidating their power in the basement for most of the movie, the little wieners finally take over the rest of the house. Even after Chuck (yep, he's still alive) feeds the thing a clock radio, setting it on fire, we are introduced to it's short attention span as it forgets it's on fire so it can answer the doorbell... I hate this movie... you can't understand how much I hate this movie... Well, after harassing Pete and friends for a while, Chuck stuffs a Halloween mask full of flash powder and stuffs it down the alien's throat, blowing it up. I never knew flash powder was THAT explosive. The townsfolk get together to root out the remaining "deadly" spawn residing in the nearby woods. It all ends as a 70ft "deadly" spawn breaks out of a nearby hillside. Now, if that 70ft bastard would've swallowed Chuck whole and allowed his alien stomach acids to slowly break down Chuck's molecular structure, THEN this movie would've been salvaged. You know those movies that are "so bad they're good"? Well, I guess this movie wasn't bad enough... or something... I'm confused and no longer care...

Also Known As: THE DEADLY SPAWN

Sequels: I sure as Hell hope not!

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: CRITTERS 2 or ALIENS