Welcome to the movie who's up there with SPOOKIES for the Anuby Award for "Worst Film Title Ever"! They should've called it: NOT ONLY DID WE LACK THE ABILITY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL, BUT WE RIPPED OFF C.H.U.D. Then the little subtitle below could be: (C.H.U.D. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!). It opens appropriately enough for a C.H.U.D. clone, though instead of an old woman and her dog being the first casualty, SCARED TO DEATH gives us a tasty babe alone in her darkened home. She of course gets knocked down and dragged away by a large and ominous figure. When the cops finally show up the next morning, they find a yellow goo all over the place... probably just custard that oozed out of their donuts. Elsewhere, some snotty dipshit of a book writer (Ted) gets into a fender bender with an upitty bizotch (also "beeyotch" or "biznitch" depending on your regional dialect) named Jen and slips her some Pop Rox (damn do I miss those!) before going on his way. Well, at least he's a polite hit-and-runner. But, they start seeing more of each other, then do what all great couples throughout history do/did: GET DRUNK AND SCREW! But, not only do they fall into the sack, but into each other's hearts as well (Godz that was awful). Meanwhile, the shadowy beast from our opening (hope I don't find any shadowy beasts in my girlfriend's opening!) continues to prowl the streets, killing some sewer workers to remind us that this is supposed to be a horror flick. At this time, you too will probably start to wonder, "what the Hell does this HARRY MET SALLY bullshit have to do with the thing in the sewer?!". Don't worry, the morons behind this movie work their way up to it, when Ted's pal (and police officer) Lou comes to him for help on finding the thing wasting the locals. Seems Ted was a cop, who lost his job thanx to his alcoholism. But, to get Ted a little more motivated for the job, the thing "makes out" with Jen, putting her into a coma. I am annoyed that Jen, apparently since she's a main character, only gets a coma from the creature's roaming tongue and not a permanent nap like all the others chicks! This drives Ted into an alcoholic haze, in which some woman introduces herself, then tells us the thing (called a Syngenor) is the creation of some scientist that she worked for. Also, the sewage lurker drains the spinal fluid of it's victims using it's forked tongue (which drives the women wild! Into convulsions even!). Ted and lab girl wade through knee high piss and shit to waste it's nest before finally offing it with the help of Lou's shotgun and a hydraulic press. To make it a happy (i.e. "crappy") ending, Jen comes out of her coma, no doubt to live the rest of life getting abused by the drunken Ted. The only good thing about this movie was the Syngenor! Sure, it's mouth only opened an inch, and it's eyes never moved, so maybe that should tell you how pathetic this flick is!

Also Known As: THE ABERDEEN EXPERIMENT

Sequels: Nope

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: C.H.U.D. or THE BEING