Deep within the dark of night
I take a breath and see His Light
It's there for all the world to see
For me it's love eternally

Sadness fills the heart with pain
Softness comes with silent rain
As the water falls in rhyme
It clings to me as to a vine

I am what I need to be
Come and see the harmony
Within the sky the love is born
In silent darkness hear God's Song

Singing softly through the sky
Sweet Lullaby from way on high
Wraps His Arms so tenderly
Feel His love tremendously

Even in the dark of night
His love is there to ease all strife
Reaching out with gentleness
Showing signs of happiness

Light beyond the darkest night
Beacon of a hopeful Light
His Presence now is everywhere
Within my soul His Love I wear.

~ Francine Pucillo ~
?used with permission
Read more of her poetry here.

Part Three....
The medical journey...
They say my grandaughter is going away!!!
The medical nightmare begins...

The nurses of course were coming in and out to check on the little one,
and then the horrible journey really began.
Little Maya, only 4lbs, and 14oz, body temperature was dropping.
They said that needed to put her under the light,
little did we know that was the last time we would
hold her for a very long time.

I told Crystal, that I would go see her and check on her,
as she was so tired from labor and without anytime for any
medicine to help the labor pain, and for her to just try and rest.
Well, when I got their, Maya was in the intensive care part with
lights on her and hooked up to all kind of "stuff."
Seemed like forever before the doctor came to talk to us,
and the nurses of course couldn't tell us either.

Of course by now the people came in to give Crystal papers
to name her and get a social security card,
. you know all the "normal" things.
The things we so take for granted.
THEN the doctor came in.
Basically we were told they didn't know what was wrong
with Maya, but that they needed to transport her immediately
to the neonatal unit at the next hospital fast as possible.

Then it was all a blur. We were told "Maya" our baby "girl"
might not be a girl after all, and that she should not be named
and suggest we wait. What? We got a pink bow on the door!
The brothers put it up. This is crazy! The next thing we knew
"Baby Patterson" as she is now named, is rolled into the room,
inside the strangest thing we ever saw for Crystal and I to
say goodbye, as she is leaving now for transport to the other
hospital. This is happening to fast! Where do I go? What do I do?
Crystal can't leave for 24 hours, hospital rules and my daughter
is here, I can't leave her, and my granddaughter is so fragile and
leaving all alone. I cried out?.."GOD HELP ME!"

The doctors were great at the other hospital in neonatal unit,
within 2 hours after leaving with the baby they were on the phone
to Crystal. "The baby" has a viral infection Crystal was told and
we discovered that when she used the bathroom this infection was
so strong that her entire body outer parts swelled beyond classifying
her gender. My daughter dropped the phone, said Mama, do it, I can't.
I picked up the receiver and with only God's divine intervention
and told the doctor who I was and what was going on.
He explained a bit more to me, as to what the problem seemed to be
which was a virus passed from mother to daughter called CMV.
He continued to say that it is obtained like a common cold with
most people never knowing they have it, but if you acquired it
in the first or second trimester of pregnancy it can badly
affect the baby.

I need to hear this but I need to hold my daughter!
Help me, Lord. He said he would call back soon and to reassure my
daughter she did nothing wrong, as it was normal for the mother to
blame herself. Wow, he didn't know. I think God is punishing me
and my daughter and granddaughter are suffering for that..
Why did I care what color the baby was? Is that why God didn't
answer my prayers for this baby to be born healthy?
Now my mind is spinning and I am suppose to tell her it is not
her fault, it is mine! And I got to get that pink bow off the door.
That phone needs to quit ringing! Let me get to the nurse's station
to tell them we don't want any visitors! The last one just left from
the church, asking us how much "she" weighed. I got her out!
No, Crystal doesn't need this. I have done enough to her and Maya!
I have to protect them.

Finally we are at the same place together. It's been a very long
night! The doctor has now released Crystal and we are in route
straight to the hospital where "Baby Patterson" is, straight
to the 8th floor neonatal unit! We found her! Oh my!
She has hazard signs all around the little "bed?" Like that is
not enough she has a pastel green nametag instead of pink and
blue like the rest of the little precious babies here. This is
too much Lord, too much! I got to be strong now, for Crystal,
please help me.

The doctor came out, and here is Crystal,
Glen, my husband, myself, and our Sunday School teacher,
who just happen to come to the Easley Hospital to see us
as we were leaving, and followed us. The words still ring
in my ears as I write this, I can hear the doctor speaking.
We were right in the diagnosis, unfortunately our best guess
is that we give "baby Patterson" two weeks to live,
and we will do all we can to help her. She is in liver
failure, other organ damage, lung infection, and she has
been given platelets to bring her red cell count up every
few hours with strong antibiotics also to try to fight this
virus. Tests are still being run and we will keep you updated.
What? No hope? I am not accepting this! Everyone has hope!
This doctor is not God! What does he know? Well the long
days to come would show it all. But I am not taking this at
his word, and nor will I let Crystal.

The next few weeks were long ones. Full of days going back
and forth to the hospital to feed little "baby Patterson",
waiting on test, pulling Crystal out of corners at home
crying that she couldn't do this anymore just to get us the
hospital on time?. But me?. Well I had no choice about it.
I was the mother and grandmother who had to keep us moving on.
It was my job, you know.

Crystal wouldn't change a diaper, despite how much the nurses
and I told her that it really was ok. I never pushed as I
remember the horror of the nurse handing a tiny diaper for
me to change her and whispering under my breathe,
"Lord let no expression show on my face if this is
what I fear it will be like." The swelling had gone down,
and it was for sure in appearance that she was a little girl,
but the gene test must come back first so she could name
little Maya legally and have a pink card on the bed,
which she continually requested. Oh I never imagined how
important that little pink tag was. The things we so take
for granted. Forgive us Lord! Then the nurse would disappear
again and Crystal would just ask me, "Mom why can't I just put
her name on the crib and give my baby a name, why is that to
much to ask?" I knew not the answers but to hold her in my
arms as I did know whom did have the answers that I could not
answer. I prayed day and night for Maya and Crystal as well
as for myself. I can look back now and see how God continually
sustained me through all of this and where my strength to
continue came from.

After a very long month, we took Maya
home and the diagnosis had changed to us having 6 months
to a year with our little baby "girl"... instead of the
original two weeks. We left with liver failure, major
organ damage, total deafness by best early diagnosis
and probably mental retardation, and a machine to give
breathing treatment at home. But that was ok, Maya was
coming home! Oh how wonderful it was to see Crystal finally
place her in that crib that had waited empty for a very
long time.

Was this time & wait scary? Yes, that is one thing that
I can never put into words. Always watching her breathe,
checking the colors of her stool, and so much more, yet
I was determined that I would do all that I could to help
Crystal enjoy the time that we had with that package of a
God's blessing called Maya. We returned to the hospital
at 4 months with pneumonia for a 10-day stay and returned
home again by God's Grace.

Then back at 61/2 months to the
children's hospital to be told that she would never come
home this time. Maya diapers had now turned to pure bright
red blood and she was in totally liver failure.
She also had pancreatitis and we were told, or let me
rephrase that, I was told to prepare my daughter, that
her daughter, would never live to return home. Well,
sorry doc, but a peace at that moment covered me and
I couldn't accept these words from the doctors. I just
told Crystal that God would get us through, He had gotten
us this far and He would not leave us now, but did I really,
beyond a shadow of a doubt know that? I thought so.
He had gotten us this far. God had never left me,
although at this point even my husband had left me,
our marriage was falling apart and I felt it was just me yet,
God surely was all around me. But the 2 other minor children left in my
care had not been hungry or in need of anything and
that in itself was a miracle? just one more that
surrounded Maya and her birth. God was so good to us.

Long days were here again traveling back and forth to
the hospital, as Crystal didn't drive, doing a balancing
act between the hospital and home, trying to rest some,
which my greatest rest was when I was beside that tiny
bed in prayer. For I knew there I would find the answers
and the rest that couldn't be found anywhere else.
If I never knew that before, another valley in the
midst of all this, that God allow, never caused,
please see this, gave me the faith to recognize where
my loyalty had to lay first and foremost.
I call it growing pains. That huddle of growth
occurred when my faith was running dim one night
and I went crying to my estranged husband's rented
trailer in need of comfort. Yet when I arrived there
all I found was another woman, who of course was just
a friend, over having drinks and dinner, blasting music
and only then did I really truly realize who I could
depend on always and who would never leave me or
forsake me ?? not ever! Crying desperately, I
quickly ran back into the arms of My God to seek
the strength and comfort that I needed to stand in
the gap for the life of our Maya, and to be the mother
and grandmother my children so much needed now.

INDEX

[ PART ONE ] [ PART TWO ]

[ PART THREE (you are here) ] [ PART FOUR ]

[ PART FIVE ] [ PART SIX ]

[ PART SEVEN ] [ PART EIGHT ]

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