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| | Could incest have happened to you?
"POST-INCEST SYNDROME" IN WOMEN:
THE INCEST SURVIVORS' AFTEREFFECTS
CHECKLIST
by E. Sue Blume, C. S. W., Diplomate in Clinical Social Work
INCEST is such a traumatic violation that its victims often forget that
it even occurred. But the emotional scars live on, confusing in their seeming
meaninglessness. Ongoing problems with relationships, sex, trust, touch,
addictions, paralyzing depression and guilt can, when the cause is unknown,
feel crazy and out of control. This checklist can be used as a guide to help
adult survivors identify themselves and know that there are real reasons for
their unrelenting difficulties— that, in fact, these "problems" are actually
healthy attempts to cope with an impossible situation.
Incest has traditionally been defined as sex and/ or marriage between close relatives. But
incest, the most common form of child sexual abuse, is, above all, child abuse—
abuse of the child's personal and sexual boundaries by the very person( s) entrusted with her care. And sexual violation can occur through the way a
child is talked to or looked at, even when there is no touching at all. Incest,
then, is any use of a minor child to meet the sexual or sexual/ emotional
needs of one or more persons whose authority is derived through ongoing
emotional bonding with that child (parents, step-parents, babysitter,
sibling, mother's boyfriend, teacher, priest, family doctor). Note that incest
is an abuse of a power relationship, not a blood relationship; it is the
violation of trust that damages the child.
Incest is especially common in alcoholic families. On the alcoholic's part this is due to damaged judgment, a
need to control others (momentarily satisfied through playing out dominant/
submissive gender roles), and inability to identify with other human beings (to care about the damage he does to others). Often the
alcoholic does not remember the experience( s), or, applying the same defenses
that surround alcoholic drinking and other alcoholic behaviors, he denies,
minimizes, projects blame. But these defenses are not exclusive to
perpetrators who are alcoholic— and not all alcohol-related incest is
attributable to the disease of alcoholism. Also, families where there is
incest, like alcoholic families, have denial systems, and both experience
total confusion of boundaries and disregard for the legitimately dependent
developing child. As you will see from this list, children of alcoholics and
incest survivors share many other characteristics, along with other adults who
endured such childhood trauma as battering, etc.
Do you find that you
have the majority of items on this list? If so, you could be a survivor of
incest. However separate from people that might make you feel, you are not
alone. Healing is possible; with help, you can break from self-blame, isolation,
and the entrapment of Post-Incest Syndrome.
This list is based on observation and interviews with incest survivors as
well as work done by New York Women Against Rape. To all those who contributed
to this fact sheet, thank you; your generous sharing of your pain and
experiences is a gift to all survivors.
1. Fear of being alone in the dark, of sleeping
alone; nightmares (especially of rape, pursuit, threat, entrapment, blood),
night terrors
2. Swallowing and gagging sensitivity; repugnance to
water on face when bathing or swimming (suffocation feelings)
3. Alienation from body— not at home in own body;
failure to heed signals of body or take care of it; poor body image;
manipulating body size to avoid sexual attention; compulsive cleanliness, incl.
bathing in scalding water; or, total inattention to personal appearance or
hygiene
4. Gastrointestinal problems; GYN disorders
(including spontaneous vaginal infections); vaginal/ internal scarring;
headaches; arthritis or joint pain; aversion to doctors (esp. gynecologists,
dentists)
5. Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer; baggy
clothes; failure to remove clothing even when appropriate to do so (while
swimming, bathing, sleeping); extreme requirement for privacy when using
bathroom
6. Eating disorders, drug/ alcohol abuse (or total
abstinence); other addictions; compulsive behaviors (including compulsive
busyness)
7. Self-injury (cutting, burning, etc.) (physical
pain is manageable) (this is an addictive pattern); self-destructiveness
8. Phobias, panic
9. Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly
bad
10. Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including
"passive suicide")
11. Depression (sometimes paralyzing); seemingly
baseless crying
12. Anger issues: inability to recognize, own or
express anger; fear of actual or imagined rage; constant anger; intense
hostility toward entire gender or ethnic group (" race") of the perpetrator
13. Dissociation (" splitting"), depersonalization; going
into shock, shutdown in crisis (stressful situation always is crisis); psychic
numbing; physical pain or numbness associated with particular memory, emotion
(e. g. anger) or situation (e. g. sex)
14. Rigid control of thought process; humorlessness
or extreme solemnity
15. Childhood hiding, hanging on, cowering in corners
(security-seeking behaviors); adult nervousness over being watched or surprised;
feeling watched; startle response; hypervigilance
16. Trust issues: inability to trust (trust is not safe);
absolute trust that turns to rage when disappointed; trusting indiscriminately
17. High risk taking (" daring the fates"); inability to take risk
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