Journal entries for April, 2000

Whoops!! I ran out of room!! My April 27, 2000 entry is here!

April 20, 2000

This week I gained a pound! Oh well, so it goes. I wasn't too good, and there are all those hormonal reasons too.  Hopefully next week will be better -- All the candy and chocolate around sure makes it tough!!

This year I have avoided the huge holiday meal! I know that many of you will be having the large dinners that go with the Easter and Passover holidays.  I have written before with tips on how to handle the holiday meals, but wanted to include some in this entry. I know that you may be reading this after the meal is through - so a couple tips on how to come back after overdoing it at the big meal - like many of us tend to!!

First there are 2 options.

The first --  (I want to make it clear that it is OKAY) to go ahead and just enjoy your special holiday meal and eat all the wonderful foods that make the holiday special without worrying so much about the calories and fat grams.  I have chosen this option before and I am sure that I will again.  But if this is what you choose, then it is important to make a few commitments first.  The first is that you will not be upset with yourself for it afterwards.  The second is that you will still try to keep a healthier mind set, and while you are still enjoying those special holiday foods, you aren't going to gorge and eat until you are darn near sick!! The third is that you WILL get right back on track the next day!! (Which can be soo tough!)

The second choice  (the one I always intend to make) is to continue to count the calories, fat grams, ww points, or what ever it is you are doing.  I have done this successfully and it is a great feeling.  If you know what is on the menu,  you can plan ahead exactly what you are going to have - save up a few calories, or ww points just for that special meal - watch your serving size and be able to have the dessert because you planned for it! 

SInce right now it is getting to be late to save up the calories/points with just 2 days until the Easter holiday - you do still have some options.  You can do a little reverse banking -- use more points or calories than you have alotted and then take them off the next couple days.  (This isn't one for you if you aren't one to enforce it after the fact) Kinda like using a credit card instead of cash from your savings account!  Try exta hard to get that exercise in this week, and while you are doing it, add a few extra minutes each time to help burn those extra calories! Also boost your water intake a bit to help flush your body out!

What I really wanted to touch on this week is stress.  Did ever notice that Stressed spelled backwards is desserts?  That is good for a laugh!! Especially for us emotional eaters!  This week take a few minutes to identify your stressors.  Sit down and make a list of things in your life that are stressful for you.  Give them each a number from 1 - 10 -- 10 being the most stressful.  Now look at how you react to those stressors.  Do you go for the chips everytime the kids start to argue?  Eat chocolate every time you balance the check register? Identify the reactions that are not positive and and come up with ideas of what you can do to replace the reactions with postive actions! 

There is a postive reason for everything we do, including how we react to our stressors.  Sometime it can be very hard to identify - but it is there.  Aside from the obvious, (it tastes good, I ate these as a child and feel comforted by it, etc) consider that it may be a little more obscure.  Sometimes could it be that you are punishing yourself?  I know that is true for me! Could it be that when we are overeating and it makes us miserable that we aren't losing the weight (or even gaining it) even though we want to, that the positive thing we get from it is protection? Could it be a positive thing that we aren't noticed "in that way"? Does it put us in a safe place? Could it be that even though it makes us unhappy, the positive is that when we focus on being unhappy about our weight, there is another issue we are able to set aside and not deal with - one that may be more painful?  For me this journey has been so much about my emotional and spiritual self, as much if not more than it has been about my physical self. It is soo much easier to move towards my physical goals of health and weightloss when I can be honest with myself and learn about those "positive" reasons for the way I act!

I hope that you all dont have to read that a half dozen times to make some sense of it, sometimes I think faster than I can get it out, and it doesn't always end up making sense!

I had a new picture done for my husband of me and our 2 boys. I hadn't had one done in 2 years and I am putting them both on the picture page - be sure to check them out!

No matter what holiday you are celebrating, whether you stick perfectly to your plan or really "blow it" -- I hope that each of you has a blessed holiday!  Remember that no matter how you do, it isn't one day that makes the difference in the long run - but your overall lifestyle.  Be gentle with yourself and may God bless you each!

April 13, 2000

This week I admit, I was a pretty bad girl.  I did a poor job eating reasonably, and the only exercise I really got was the day I spent doing yard work.  I told myself I would be happy if only I could manage to maintain, although I secretly wanted to lose just one pound! I wanted to be able to say "I have lost 80 pounds!"  I guess this week I got my reward for one of those weeks when I did it all right and still gained anyhow.  I lost 3 pounds for a total of 82 pounds gone forever!  I also made my mini goal of being 150 or less by my birthday - which is 3 weeks away! I haven't weighed this little since my wedding day nearly 10 years ago - and even that was just a guess.  Funny how 150 is so much "thinner" now  --- I thought I was so fat!  Looks better on the going down side than the going up side, that is for sure!!!

This week I want to talk a little about the myths of fat.  All those wonderful things I truly believed -  mostly because believing them made me feel better about myself.  Things that helped  me to feel that  I was not responsible for where I was!! Do you know how the dictionary defines the word responsible?  "Able to respond and answer for ones own actions."   "Capable of determining one's own acts."   Claiming the responsiblity for where I was, that was one scary and very frightening moment.  One very powerful moment.    Stop and think for a moment about responsiblity.   It is huge, and it IS yours!!  

Firstly - I do want to say that everybody does need to eat fat!!  We need it to insulate our organs - it helps to regulate our body temperatures and gives us that little extra padding.  But did you know that the average American eats 43-50% fat??? Half your daily calories??  If you are eating 2000 calories a day and eating 50% fat -- that is 111 gms a day! Whoa!!  More on this after a few myths!

Those nasty myths -- as I fell deeper into believing them, I fell further from taking responsibilty -- I also grew fat, and fatter.  So here they are!

"It's genetic, my body just manufactures fat!" 
                          Okay, did you know that you are born with every single fat cell that you will EVER have?? No one's body produces it?? Guess what? If you eat too much fat? It gets stored in these wonderful elastic cells, called ... Fat Cells!  It just grows as you fill it fuller - with fat - that you ate!!.  They shrink when you burn that fat off  (use more calories than you eat)!  Who would have thought, every fat cell you will EVER have, there the day you were born!! At 232 pounds, I had the same number of fat cells I had the day I was born 8lbs and 3 oz!!  The same number I have today at 150 pounds!  Amazing isn't it??

"This is the shape body my family has".
                          Yes there are different body shapes! Pears, apples... why do they name them all after food anyhow???  Guess what - those shapes ARE genetic, they ARE natural,  everyone has a shape!!  BUT,  your God given shape is that of bone and muscle structure.  Sure some people probably to have more fat cells on their hips or tummy than someone of a different family, but does this really mean that those fat cells needs to be filled with stored fat??  Remember, the only way you are going to fill up those fat cells is to eat too much fat!!

"I have tried everything, and I just can't lose weight" 
                           This is the one!  Hello??? Which poundcake did I leave my brain in?? I will be the first to say, there are people with metabolic disorders who truly have a horidly difficult time losing weight, and truly find it impossible.  Did you know that only 1% of obese people truly have this medical condition???  I, probably like many many other overweight people, believed this one.   "I can't help it, I am trying!!!"    The bottom line was I wanted to believe it.  Deep down in my heart, and in my soul, I knew, I knew it wasn't true. What was this everything I was doing that wasn't working?? Lets see, was I eating low fat foods? yeah right - thats what those midnight runs to the burger king were about right?? And exercising daily--- oh wait, does bending over and straining to reach my shoes to tie them count???  NO? Well, at least I was getting in my fruits and veggies!!!  Potato chips, french fries, apple pie!!!  See - I
WAS trying!!!

I can't tell you how good it feels to look myself in the mirror and accept that I was living a lie, to know that I WAS responsible for where I was, and I am proud to accept the responsiblity for where I am now!!

Just to touch back on the fat intake,  from what I have read and heard and come to understand, one should strive to be in the 20% range.  30% - the magic number.   When you routinely eat past that magic number - you are more than likely filling up those cells!!   30%,  once you are 30% overweight you are clinically obese.  Do you all know the fat formula?? This is an easy one-- for one serving --   9 x the number of fat grams divided by the number of calories.  Move the decimal 2 points to right, and whalla! You have derived the percentage of fat in that serving.   Thats not soo hard now is it??  I dare you to put your fridge and cupboards to the test!   I am willing to bet you that a great deal of those "no cholestrol"  "no preservative" "All natural" items you have piled away are so way past 30% your head will spin!  And forget those items we all know are wonderful!! Ball park franks? only 180 calories each!! What a deal eh?? Yah, if you like 80% fat!!!   Lays classic potato chips -- what a deal -- only 60% fat!! If you think you are scoring a deal with your "Light" mayo's and "light" sourcreams, and "light" cream cheese, check there next -- You may want to be sitting down. 

This week I challenge you to atleast  think  about how you live the role of responsiblity.  Are you accepting it??  Also to look more closely at the percentage of fat that you are consuming - if you can't take that step and make the change, at the very least, be knowledgable about what you are putting into your body!!!

As always I want everyone to know that I believe in you!! I believe it is in you to succeed!    Knowlege is half the battle,  taking the responsibilty is the other half.  It is hard, and scary, and frustrating as hell sometimes.  I know that - but it feels good to say "I am where I am today because I got me here."   It feels good to say that, even when it is a painful truth.   The rest is just time.  Time for  change and learning and growth.   

April 6, 2000

I made it back to my weight watchers meeting and it felt great.  I lost 3 pounds in the 2 weeks it has been since my last weigh in. I am down 79 pounds now, with 12 pounds until I reach the top of the weight watcher goal range and 23 pounds to my personal goal.  After my last weigh in I overate basically every day until my surgery, having whatever I wanted. (Partly nerves, partly taking advantage of the fact that I knew I wouldnt be eating much for atleast a week). So, I probably gained 2-3 pounds then!  I am lucky to still have lost weight! :)  I was secretly hoping to lose one more  pound than I did so that I could get my star for 80 pounds - but I think I will survive!! :)  I am positive that I can get it next week!

I am feeling a new drive to be right on program in all aspects.  I think that is because my goals are FINALLY in sight!  I am not sure that I am truly ready after the tonsilectomy but I am going to give it my best shot.  I am not sure I can drink that much water right now and I know I can not exercise hard yet, but I can do it "gently" right?  

I would encourage everyone to take their measurements -- upper arm, bust, waist, hip, and thigh at the widest part.  ( If you haven't done it yet - do it now!!!) Now,  add up all those numbers - remember to put the upper arm measurement and the thigh measurement in twice each - one for each arm and one for each leg!  Now once you have your total - write that number on your calendar under todays date.  Now, flip to next month and in one month from today, leave yourself a note to measure again - write in the number and repeat!! This can be soo very motivating.  Subtract your current inches from your starting inches to see how many inches your body has lost!!  I just love it!!  I had been measuring, but not totalling -- I did my total yesterday and realized that I had lost 41.5 inches -- that makes me feel like a million bucks!!!   When I am feeling  a little down now I am going to take out the tape measure and measure out 41.5 inches!  Hook up the end of the tape measure to the magic number you have lost to make a circle (I taped mine -- just did it right now!!!) Watch it grow!  My cats are sitting in it now!!   I can get it over my  hips!!!  Use these things to motivate yourself!!

I just want to say one more thing,  I have recieved so many wonderful emails from people -- I truly love it and I try very hard to answer each email with a personal reply.  For me your emails are a huge motivator, so I want to thank you all and let you know that I always welcome your email!!  I really want each of you out there to have complete belief in yourself, because I have come to know, without a shadow of a doubt, it is the cornerstone to your success.  May you each have a blessed and successful week!

Chel

Oh yes -- something new -- if you would like me to email you each week when I have updated my page, please send me a little email! Pleae put "notify me" in the subject and you will automatically be notified whenever I update!!

April 3, 2000

Hi all -- I am in the process of making changes to how my web page is set up -- trying to consolidate and make it a little easier to get around -- please let me know if anything isn't working or if you  have any suggestions!

Well, I am coming along since the tonsilectomy -- still feeling pretty punk!!  I had a few days where I was getting more food in me, but I am still pretty much hovering around 6-7 points per day.  That would be around 300-350 calories.  Still taking Percocet.  Still not talking too much! (oh the irony -- as I wrote that the phone rang!)

I am looking forward to going to my weigh in on Thursday -- I have no clue what kind of loss I will show - but I look forward to going none the less!  I will check back in after my weigh in!

Chel

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