LUKE: Hey! There's Jabba's palace! Let's go visit!
HAN: Great! We had so much fun the last time we were there!
*They enter the palace and talk to a mechanical spider with a brain jar*
HAN: What are the Hutts up to these days?
SPIDER: They plan to break into your computers so they can build their own superweapon.
HAN: Oh, sith! Not another one!
*Luke goes to the former home of Ben Kenobi*
LUKE: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. I need to know how to help my long-dead girlfriend whose spirit now inhabits the body of my dead student.
*no response*
LUKE: Aw, nuts. I'll have to do this myself.
*Bevel Lemelisk is executed and cloned*
HAN: I hate getting dressed up.
LEIA: Do it for me, you nerf-herder. *bats eyes*
HAN: *lopsided grin* Anything for you, Your Worship.
*Durga the Hutt enters*
HAN: I can't believe we're having a diplomatic meeting with a Hutt! Look at him; he's even fatter than Jabba!
LEIA: Quiet, you.
*Durga's little furry pets run amok in the palace. Three of them manage to steal the plans for the Death Star*
KYP, DORSK 81, AND CILGHAL: Yay! We graduated! Schooool's out for summer! Schooool's out forever!
DAALA: I'm still alive. Muahahaha! Now I'm going to unite these warlords, or they will all die!
MARA: My appearance in this book is quite pointless. Perhaps the author is trying to provide a little foreshadowing with my conversation with Callista, but everyone already knows that I'm gonna marry Luke.
THREEPIO: Oh, no! The plans to the Death Star have been stolen! This is all your fault!
ARTOO: ooooooooo
*Lemelisk designs the Darksaber*
DURGA: Excellent.[/Mr. Burns]
KYP: Hey! I have an idea! Let's sneak into the heart of what's left of the Empire!
DORSK 81: Okay.
*Warlords squabble. Daala triggers the nerve gas. Warlords die. Daala unites all their forces and gets a new toy, the SSD Night Hammer*
ADMIRAL ACKBAR: Let's play war games over Nal Hutta!
WEDGE: Cool! I'm gonna kick your ass, Ackbar!
*Wedge kicks ass*
*Luke and Callista play in the swamps of Dagobah and stay in Yoda's old house*
CALLISTA: Luke, this bed is too small!
LUKE: Size matters not.
CALLISTA: Oh, shut up. You know what I wanna do? I wanna play with some huge, scary ice monsters.
LUKE: I know the perfect place for that.
HAN: Daala's not dead?
*Kyp sees Daala alive and throws a fit*
DAALA: Kill the Jedi!
*Kyp and Dorsk 81 run away*
*General Madine arrives at the Darksaber and sees how cheap Durga is*
MADINE: I don't need to sabotage this thing! It'll fail on its own!
*He keeps on going, anyway, and gets captured*
*Lemelisk is executed and cloned a few more times*
*Daala renames her ship the Knight Hammer and goes on a rampage to Yavin 4*
*Wedge's fleet arrives too late to rescue Madine, who is shot and killed by Durga*
READERS: What the hell?! Of all the...Grrr!
*The Falcon arrives at Yavin and nearly rams into the Knight Hammer. Daala opens fire*
HAN: Daala, you are such a pain.
*Han, Artoo, and the Jedi kick some Imperial ass*
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