Journal-August 2002

2002-08-05; Yet another start ....

I recently moved to a new state to take a job. This job offers me some protection, and that makes me a little more comfortable. However, I find that I’m still protective of my trans status. I have not told my supervisor yet. However, I have told the people in Human Resources since they were the only ones to ask my gender, and since my gender is still in the process of being legally changed.

I’m going to play it by ear for now. As I’ve said before, I don’t think of transition very much anymore. If I were to tell them about my trans status, it would be only to share a part of my history, and not because I didn’t feel that I was totally a man. 

2002-08-10; A few things I never thought would happen .... .

I thought there would never be a day go by that I didn’t think of transitioning. Now I don’t think spend more than a few moments a week thinking about it. Seems odd that I wouldn’t constantly be reminded that I’m a transsexual since I have to actually have to put a prosthetic in my tighty whities every morning, and that I have to give myself a shot of testosterone every two weeks. However, strangely, as these things become routine, no thought is wasted on them. I feel every bit the guy I should have been born as.

I thought I would never say that I hate shaving. I used to watch shaving product commercials, and be so envious of men. Now it’s a part of every day life. Even when I let my facial hair grow and keep a little goatee, I still have to shave around it to maintain its shape. Don’t get me wrong, I love the whisker part of being a man, but the thrill of shaving and cleaning up after shaving has long lost its thrill.

I thought I would never forget to give myself a shot of testosterone. It used to be I would count the moments before my next shot. It couldn't come fast enough. Now, the time flies by so fast. I’ve never gone a week past due, but I have gone 5 days past my scheduled shot time.

2002-08-18; A blue haired admirer of trannyboy locks .....

An older lady stopped me in the grocery store today. She complimented me on my hair style. It was quite funny, because she was comparing me to another fella that was in the store at the time - A guy with long bushy hair. I could tell she didn’t approve of men wearing their hair in such a manner. She stopped me just to tell me that my hairstyle was the way a man should wear his hair. I reckon I would have killed the old lady had I told her that this is the way all transsexuals, who were once women who are now men, are wearing their hair these days. I don’t think she realized I’m not quite as conservative as my hair style  indicated.

With all that said, I loved the compliment. I’ve been cutting my hair for years now, and I think I’ve gotten fairly good at it. I take great pride in cutting it well, and her comment made my day.

2002-08-21; Biceps will not be my claim to fame .....

I had another spell of cramps yesterday. The cramps were painful enough to wake me out of my sleep. They only lasted one day  this time, and I didn’t get a horrible acne outbreak like I did last time. However, this really has me perplexed, and as soon as I establish a relationship with a doctor in my new town, I’ll have it checked out. Looks like I’ll have to wait until October though in order to have insurance cover my visit. I certainly don’t think it is, at this moment, a life or death matter, but I do feel it is something that warrants a doctor’s visit.

Other than the cramps, I’m doing great. I could really tell how much stronger I’ve gotten in the past year. My move was much less staining this time around, and I had many more items to move than I had 9 months ago. However, to look at me, you would not see much difference in my physique. I don’t have rippling muscles like some guys do, and I have now given up hope that I ever will. I think I will be a man with a slight build just like my father. I’m slowly losing weight - about 15 lbs in the past year or so. I attribute the loss of weight more to treatment of my hypo-thyroidism than being on testosterone. I still have a bit of a gut, but that is slowly melting away (I reckon it will be the last thing to go). So it looks like I’m going to hold pretty steady around 170-175 lbs. At 5’10”, that makes me a 42 R jacket, 17” neck, 34/35 sleeve, 35” waist, and a 32” inseam. I’d love to be bigger in the shoulders and chest, and narrower in the waist and hips, but I think I’m ok with the hand I’ve been dealt with.   

2002-08-23; Finally.....

I finally got the paperwork from Dr. Menard for my legal gender change. Good grief, this has taken nearly four months. Now I have to submit it to my birth state, and I have been told that it will take months to process that part of my paperwork. The wait hasn’t bothered me a whole lot, but it sure will make me sleep better knowing everything is legal.

Just so you all know, Menard isn’t generally this slow doing his paperwork. A mistake was made on the first form, and I had to mail off to get another form to send to him (make copies of everything….even blank forms). Then he was on vacation for over a month. Then it took over two weeks for my mail to finally be forwarded to me (U.S. Postal Service sucks). I’m sure it all could have been done in less than a month under normal circumstances.

Click here for September 2002 ENTRIES

Click here to go back to MOST RECENT ENTRIES