Journal-November 2002

2002-11-02; I can actually remove my penis and balls....

Updating this journal lately has been a dreaded task. Not because I dislike working on the website, but rather that I have very little transition related material to share. I have bound myself to updating this journal for a full 24 months, but each month it becomes harder and harder to find things to write about. Except for a few glitches, I feel I have fully integrated into society as a normal guy in his mid thirties. The few glitches that remain are that I still have ovaries, I pee standing up with the aid of a blue plastic tube, I can actually remove my penis and balls to wash them, and that I can’t grow a grown man’s beard. None of the glitches really enter my conscious mind during the day.

Occasionally, I will stand in front of the mirror and pick out features that I would still like to change, but more often than not these days, I stand in front of the mirror and pose like a body builder and admire my body. I sometimes feel like a pubescence boy who is starting to see the effects of testosterone. I now know how a young boy (who wants to be a man) must be excited about the changes of puberty. While the hormonal changes are often too slow to bear, they continue on in a steady pace. If I ever think about my transition these days, it is to dream about what my body has in store for me down the road.

2002-11-27; Zero out of five can't be good....

I think perhaps one of my greatest pet peeves are when people spew out unsubstantiated statistics. This bothers in all aspects of life, but it especially bugs me when it is related to transsexual issues because I find there is so much misinformation out and about.

Now as a scientist, I am the first to say that data from research can often produce misleading statistics, however, data produced from studies conducted in a controlled manner mean a bit more to me than some goofus spouting out observations (based on personal feelings and agendas) as bona fide “statistics“.

Now for my own little statistic: Over the past year, I’ve asked nearly a half dozen people to tell me where they found their highly debatable "data" on various trans-related topics. Not a single one would/could tell me the source of their (mis)information. From my “statistic“, I conclude that people who throw around undocumented, unsubstantiated statistics are full of shit.

2002-11-29; I'm thankful for living my life as me (A flashback entry)....

Last Thanksgiving I was thankful for my new table, an updated web page, and clipped nails. This Thanksgiving was also spent without my family, however, it didn’t bother quite as much as it did last year. Instead I spent Thanksgiving with a new friend and his family. It was quite enjoyable and I didn’t give much thought to what I would be missing out of by not going home for the holiday.

I miss certain aspects about being around my family, but if I cannot be accepted for who I am, I’d rather not be a part of their activities. I feel the ball is in their court. Until they feel up to returning the volley, I’m going on living my life.

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