Journal-October 2002
2002-10-15;
Learning a new language....
I just realized that I
haven’t had a date in a few months. Oddly, I haven’t felt very lonely. I
suppose it is because my job keeps me extremely busy. However, occasionally
I desire some company. It would be nice to date every now and then (I don’t
really desire a relationship), but I don’t know really how to go about it.
In some regards, I find talking to women very easy. My past life gives
me insights that most men could never obtain, but when it comes to talking
to women I’m interested in, I find everything is far more difficult. I don’t
think I’m direct enough. I obviously show my interest in a way that is more
friendly than sexual. I try to wait until I feel she is signaling a sexual
interest in me, but I rarely read that signal. In fact, the only time I
read that signal is from unavailable women. I have found that for the most
part, unavailable women flirt, and available women do not. I think in order
to have more of an interaction with available women, I need to be a bit more
aggressive. I don’t mean I have to hit on them or buy them drinks, I think
I just need to lay a little more information out there for her to pick up
on. I need to spell out that I’m interested, instead of waiting for her to
make the first move. It is easier said than done, however.
2002-10-24;
Putting a nail through the slippery rug (A flashback entry)....
A year ago, my journal entry was about how vulnerable I felt about being
found out in new endeavors in my life. I worried about my new employer finding
out my situation, and I worried about having credit reports being done and
revealing my old name. I still have some concerns about these things today,
but they are very minimal fears. I really give very little thought to being
“clocked”. I suppose it could always bite me in the ass someday, but I don’t
think the bite would signal a catastrophic event.
I don’t know where my new confidence has come from exactly. Perhaps it
is that I’ve become accustom to my new life, or it is simply that I’m too
busy to be concerned about it these days.
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