The soul that rises with us, our life’s star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar.
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory, do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy."
-- Intimations of Immortality. Stanza 5, William Wordsworth
As it now stood, Dr. Fairmont would have offered to run ahead for the carriage, but saw no purpose in it, seeing as they were now nearly as close to Mrs. Langley’s estate as the Munsons’. So they hurried on in the direction of her estate, their breath making clouds in front of them and their feet crunching on the layer of frost covering the ground.
"What took you away from the sanitarium today?" "You are worried that I abandon my pursuits for pleasure?" Dr. Fairmont asked jokingly. "No, of course not, but I did not think to meet you at this time of day on the roads." "I was at your brother’s." "Indeed?" Mrs. Langley was shocked at this avowal. While her brother had come to tolerate Dr. Fairmont’s presence over the past few months, she did not expect him to be invited to the house so exclusively. "Yes, and you needn’t worry. Your cousin is doing quite well." "Julia?" Emily asked with evident confusion. Dr. Fairmont slowed his quick step, half to respond to what now appeared to be an error on his part and half because Mrs. Langley seemed to be having trouble keeping up with his wide stride. "Forgive me, Mrs. Langley, but I thought you knew." "Is there something wrong with Cousin Julia?" As Emily spoke, some of the bright color from the cold air drained from her face. "No, no," Dr. Fairmont said reaching out to rest his hand on her arm. "She is expecting."
Emily covered her heart with her hand, letting one half of her wrap fall as she did "Oh!" was all she could manage. She felt as if she might cry, but remembering where she was she blushed hot red instead. "Are you alright?" he asked, griping her arm with the hand he had not removed. "Oh, yes. I am overjoyed." She could not explain why the news from Dr. Fairmont embarrassed her, seeing as he was a close family friend and a doctor as well. Dr. Fairmont reached around to grasp the end of her wrap, and handing it to her they began to walk once more.
"I had supposed they had told you, if they called for me. Indeed, I was surprised they called me at all." "And why should they not?" Emily asked, thinking privately that it was surprising to her as well. "Dr. Ploughman has treated your family in the past. I did not think that would change." "Well, I think Julia is rather fond of you. She should have her say in this, I suppose," Mrs. Langley reasoned. Dr. Fairmont smiled. "I’m glad to hear that you think so."
The leaves having already left the trees, from this distance the house was already visible. There was a column of smoke coming from one of the chimneys that made Mrs. Langley hurry on, thinking of how cozy it would be to be inside once more by one’s own fireplace. They were drawing near to where Mrs. Langley and Dr. Fairmont’s paths would necessarily split, but neither wished it to be so. "Come along with me, and I’ll send the carriage for Miss Fairmont so that we might wait for her together." "Thank you, I will."
Tintrup was sent for tea and Mrs. Langley made herself comfortable by the fireside, while Dr. Fairmont browsed the pile of books that had developed on the table nearest the window. "Are you merely a bad house keeper, or is there some reason for all these books laying here?" Dr. Fairmont teased. Mrs. Langley was busy stretching out her hands to the fire, but glanced quickly over her shoulder at him. "I am reading them." "All of them? At once?" "I am exposed, I fear. I cannot focus on any one thing. It is what makes my great uncle so frustrated with me. It is bad enough to be a woman and think, it is worse to think on too many things at once."
Dr. Fairmont came to sit beside her, bringing with him one of the selection of books and flipping through it. "There is no mark. How do you know where you are?" "That is half the problem. With one book you might remember, or at least manage not to lose your bookmark, so that you need not remember. But, with this many, I can neither remember, nor do I own half enough bookmarks." "Shall I bring you bookmarks, Mrs. Langley?" Dr. Fairmont asked laughing. "Indeed, do not, it will only encourage me," she replied with a smile.
Tintrup entered with the tea, and Mrs. Langley poured Dr. Fairmont a cup, handing it to him carefully, as she had overfilled it. "Perhaps it would be better, if you did not tell your brother…" Dr. Fairmont began, before he was quickly interrupted by Mrs. Langley, who stopped in buttering her bread to shake her head earnestly. "It was an honest mistake, and I shall let them tell me in their own time." "I should have realized that they are apt to be very careful, since this is their first." "Indeed," Mrs. Langley said, sitting back in her chair and carefully trying the tea.
"But how lovely it will be to have a baby around! I am very happy for Julia…and Andrew of course. They will be a proper family now." Emily was too busy staring into her steaming tea to notice the intensity with which Dr. Fairmont was looking at her. "Would you like to have children, Mrs. Langley?" Dr. Fairmont’s question drew a blush from Mrs. Langley, and her gaze rose to meet his own. She had not expected to ever be asked such a question, let alone by Dr. Fairmont. "I believe those days are past for me," she answered, quickly setting her cup down, nearly upsetting it in the process. "You are not more than one and twenty," Dr. Fairmont argued, knitting his eyebrows and watching her discomposure with some interest. "Oh, yes, but…" Mrs. Langley bit her lip, and waited for him to kindly change the subject.
"I have always wanted a family. A conventional family. I think it rather important," Dr. Fairmont continued. Emily swallowed and managed to look away from the fireplace, but turned red once more from the effort of meeting his gaze. "Our parson quit your house, because it was too small for a family," she said quietly. Dr. Fairmont had not expected this kind of response from Mrs. Langley, and he stood to walk to the window to wait for his cousin to arrive in the carriage.
Was understood, the injur’d lover’s hell."
-- Paradise Lost. Book v. Line 449., John Milton
He excused himself from the gentlemen with whom he had been nominally engaged, making his way towards the group of ladies. Emily was unaware of his approach, completely absorbed in laughing over an absurdity Julia had just pointed out. Therefore, she was taken completely by surprise when Dr. Fairmont bowed in front of her. "Hello ladies. Mrs. Langley are you engaged for this next dance?" She had made it a practice to turn down all partners since the death of her husband, but taken so by surprise, she fumbled for words the laugh still dying on her lips. "I, why…no, I am not." Dr. Fairmont held out his hand. "Will you be my partner then?" Emily glanced at Julia and Miss Cassidy, but neither offered any assistance in the matter. "Yes, thank you," she said, taking his hand as she stood.
Walking away from the ladies, Dr. Fairmont felt now assured that he had been correct in his earlier surmise: he knew something of Mrs. Langley’s apprehension regarding her behavior as a widow, and her acceptance of his offer was not a small thing in his estimation. The small group of hired players had begun to play, and Dr. Fairmont attempted to draw his partner into the other young people who were eager to dance, but Mrs. Langley suddenly seemed nailed to the floor below them.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked in a confidential tone, leaning his head down so as to be close to hers and pressing her hand. The color drained from Mrs. Langley’s face and her eyes were wide. "I think I need some air," she said quickly. Dr. Fairmont sprung into action, leading her from the crowd and towards an open window away from the large fireplace. Mrs. Langley’s hand was at her chest, but other than her color she seemed well enough. "It is somewhat close," Dr. Fairmont said, trying to meet her gaze, which was fixed on the darkness through the window. When he continued to receive no response he tried once again. "Are you well, Mrs. Langley?" Dragging her gaze from the window, Mrs. Langley looked apologetically at Dr. Fairmont. "You must forgive me. I have needlessly worried you. I am quite well." "I am glad to hear it," Dr. Fairmont said, without feeling as if he was remotely enlightened on the incident.
Seeing that her lack of explanation was not likely to appease him, Emily sought the words to explain as carefully as she could. "I should not have accepted your offer, sir." Dr. Fairmont straightened up, assuming an air of formality that had not previously been present in his conduct towards her. "Indeed," was his crisp response. "I confess, I wanted to, but it isn’t right," she pleaded, gesturing with her hands in an attempt to get her meaning across more fully. Dr. Fairmont took one of the hands that was desperately waving. "Emily, if you wish it, please, put these other considerations aside." Dr. Fairmont had never spoken her Christian name, although he had considered her privately as such for some time. The effect it had upon her in combination with his grip on her one hand overwhelmed her, and she quickly pulled back her hand, putting both hands behind her back where she considered them safe. "Please," she begged before hurrying back to the ladies.
While Dr. Fairmont was no longer a childish young man, his rejection by Mrs. Langley produced something in him that under reasonable consideration he would have found reprehensible. With steely determination, he spent the next hour dancing with a series of young ladies, making more than one mother happy in exchange. He did so out of spite and he did so in order to cause Mrs. Langley no small degree of discomfort. Meanwhile, Emily attempted to regain her composure and dedicate her attention to the ladies’ chatter, but her eye was continually drawn to Dr. Fairmont.
Miss Fairmont had spent the majority of the evening dancing with numerous partners, and being engaged during the incident occurring between her cousin and Mrs. Langley, was unaware of its occurrence. Nearly out of breath after a particularly energetic reel, Miss Fairmont finally joined the ladies with whom Mrs. Langley had spent the evening. Just as she arranged herself in the group, Dr. Fairmont came over to them once more, this time bringing with him a silver cup of punch that he bestowed upon his cousin. "You appeared flushed," he said by way of explanation, as she thanked him. "Won’t you join us?" Miss Fairmont asked her cousin. Dr. Fairmont bowed. "I wouldn’t dare disrupt the ladies’ tête-à-tête."
As he walked away, Mrs. Langley’s pride was overcome and she sprung up to hurry after him. "Dr. Fairmont?" she called after him. He turned on his heels, surprised to find her directly behind him. The emotions he read on her face softened him before she breathed a word. "Dr. Fairmont, you must forgive me for my behavior earlier. I think I have been acting somewhat superior in my fastidiousness." "Oh no," Dr. Fairmont said, not wishing for her to speak ill of herself, despite his feelings a few minutes prior. "No, I have. No one else expects me to hold myself to such exacting standards, and my doing so only seems like a conceited moral superiority. And besides all that, it seems very hard to me that I should not be able to dance with such a dear friend as you, Dr. Fairmont." Dr. Fairmont offered his arm to Mrs. Langley. "Very hard, indeed, Mrs. Langley. You shall be my partner directly, if you wish it." "Indeed, I do."
-- Of Inconsistency. Chap. xxi., Epictetus
"We have arrived ahead of everyone then?" Andrew said pulling up a chair between his great uncle and his wife. "Well, I sent the carriage for your mother and father and sisters a few minutes ago. I dare say they are hot on your heels." "That shall be a tight fit," Julia said, smoothing out her skirts. "If Emily could have come for Elizabeth and Cathy all would have been well," Andrew said somewhat bitterly. "It’s not as if they need go far," Julia reasoned in a soothing tone. "No, but her first responsibility is to her family, not Dr. Fairmont." Julia sighed audibly. "I dare say Cousin Emily feels as if she is Dr. Fairmont’s family, and since Miss Fairmont and Dr. Fairmont have no other family in Baconfield, it is only Christian to have them join us, Andrew," she reached over to pat his hand as she spoke. Andrew would have continued to argue the point, if he had not heard his aunt and uncle and cousins in the hallway. He rose to greet them, whispering to his wife as he did so, "I dare say he thinks of himself as family as well."
Dr. Fairmont had given a globe to Cathy Munson, knowing how well she enjoyed staring at Sir Graham’s atlas. It was dragged to the party that afternoon, and Dr. Fairmont was much employed in providing information about the most remote areas that Cathy would point to after turning the globe around at least three times. The other young people had been employed at cards, which was not Mrs. Langley’s favorite pastime, so after a few hands, she excused herself to join her youngest cousin and Dr. Fairmont.
"How go the discoveries?" she asked, coming to sit in the nearest chair. Dr. Fairmont was kneeling on the ground next to Cathy, who was unceremoniously sitting amongst her mass of Christmas best skirts. Being the youngest in the family, at the age of fourteen, when most young girls would begin to wish to be considered a young lady and not a child, Cathy was backwards enough that she enjoyed her familial position and thought nothing of crawling around on the floor with her pets or Dr. Fairmont as it was. "They went well at first, but I believe I have stumped Dr. Fairmont. He can tell me shockingly little about these islands here," Cathy said pointing to a spot Mrs. Langley could not see from her vantage point. "It is true. Miss Cathy will need to explore the region herself, it would seem, as I can provide no further information," Dr. Fairmont said, leaning back on his hands in an air of defeat.
"Do you think I shall ever see the Continent or…India…or…" Cathy began to spin the globe again, looking for some spot she should like to visit. "Perhaps America?" she asked, settling on the large former colony. "I think the Continent is certainly within your grasp," Emily answered. "I know what Julia would say," Cathy said with a pout. "What’s that?" Dr. Fairmont questioned. "She would say I shall have to marry very well to see any of those places." Cathy punctuated the statement with a quick twirl of the globe. "We are limited by our sex, cousin dearest," Emily agreed. "That is not necessarily so," Dr. Fairmont said, directing himself to Mrs. Langley as he spoke. "I find it so." "Yes, but there are modern women, who are rather independent." "Yes, I suppose there are. In America, or on the Continent, even in London, but not in Baconfield." "Well then, what would you do, Mrs. Langley, given the chance at being a modern woman?" Emily bent over in her chair. "If Cathy will excuse us, I can take you to my great uncle’s library and show you directly." Cathy barely registered a response, carefully examining the lower pole.
Dr. Fairmont followed Mrs. Langley through the lofty entry hall and down a corridor into the library. Mrs. Langley directed Dr. Fairmont to a large book that he pulled down for her and opened on the round table in the middle of the room. Standing close to Mrs. Langley, her skirts touched the tops of his shoes, a fact that made it difficult to concentrate on the book in front of him, which she was quickly flipping through. She wore a diaphanous silver gown that day, which she would have never had made for herself, but which Miss Fairmont had insisted upon when she saw the fabric. The silver set off the whiteness of her open neck and Dr. Fairmont thought her particularly ephemeral that day.
"What is this?" "It is a book about architecture," she explained, turning to a page of designs. "I did not know your enthusiasm for church and hospital improvements stemmed from a thirst for the art of building." "Oh, Dr. Fairmont, you tease. But they are so graceful," she said, tracing the lines of the cathedral before them on the yellowing paper. "And what a manly art," she said more quietly. "I used to draw plans for buildings for this estate. For the workers and such. Some of them were implemented due to my pressing, but I know so shockingly little of geometry that they were simple by design, else wise they would have been dangerous, I’m sure." "Well, you’re right. I don’t think you will ever design such a magnificent building as this, but then, I think your small accomplishments in building are praise worthy in their simple motivation."
Mrs. Langley turned another page. As she inclined her head her tear drop earrings swung against her neck, and Dr. Fairmont brushed one with his finger. "I certainly would not change you," he spoke quietly. Emily could feel his breath on her neck. Turning her face towards his, she was innocent enough not to expect him to kiss her, but the moment her face was near his, he captured her lips for a brief confused moment. Emily blushed to the tips of her ears, but in her confusion stood planted to the spot, so that Dr. Fairmont was able to touch her cheek and take her hand to kiss that as well.
"Emily, you must know how much I admire you. How for some time now I have loved you." Emily felt as if there was a pressing inside her head and pulled away her hand from its captive to touch her temple, briefly closing her eyes. "Indeed, no, this comes as a shock," she mumbled. "Truly?" Dr. Fairmont asked, as he tried to draw her hand from her face. "You shouldn’t speak such things to me," Emily whispered forcefully, having regained some of her composure. Instead of backing off, as Emily had perhaps wished he would, Dr. Fairmont took hold of both of her arms. "Why, because you are my uncle’s widow?" he responded with equal force. Emily’s eyes opened wide. "Is that how you think of me?" "You certainly make a good show of wishing us all to think of you as such," Dr. Fairmont spat back bitterly. "Indeed, I do not," she said, shaking her head and fighting back the tears that were burning in the corners of her eyes. "Then why? Why should I not say that I love you? It is natural that I should," he said, speaking in a softer tone. "I had thought your affections lay elsewhere," Emily said distractedly. Dr. Fairmont could not think to whom she would be referring and knitting his eyebrows, realized that she was looking rather ill. "Are you ill?" he asked, finding that he was half supporting her as her knees dipped.
At this moment Elizabeth entered the room, having come to look for her cousin and Dr. Fairmont to request that they rejoin them, as Miss Fairmont had offered to play at the pianoforte. Elizabeth’s mouth fell open and she reached out for the door frame. "Oh, excuse me," she said, beginning to hurry from the room, believing that she had walked in on a most private moment. "No! Miss Munson, fetch help. Mrs. Langley is not well."
Emily had never been one of those young girls of weak constitution who were forever fainting and creating a stir, therefore, everyone present was surprised at her sudden fit and Sir Graham was convinced that some evil precipitated it. Dr. Fairmont took her pulse, administered water, and would not let her be removed from the sofa for some time, even though she insisted on being taken home. Only Dr. Fairmont was cognizant of the fact that Mrs. Langley refused to meet his gaze, looking anywhere but. Finally Dr. Fairmont said the patient could be moved, and Elizabeth accompanied her cousin home, where she spent the remainder of the day in quiet recline.
