Gameday  Stats   The MachineNewsSchedule Tickets
	El Dorado ParkHistoryFan Forum

NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS
Stat-Crazy Machinists Target All-Time Records

by Josh Kelman
August 31, 2001

With two games left in the Fall '01 campaign, the Mean Machine has already matched its single season mark for team victories (12).  When the second-place DJ Dawgs come barking next Wednesday night, pay attention to the one word on the lips of this conglomerate of veterans and rookies: undefeated.

Ha ha, fooled you.

This is the Mean Machine, stupid.

With that in mind, let's take a look at some individual records that could fall at El Dorado Park.

UNDER FIRE:

AT-BATS:
Current Record: 55, Scott Rogers.  Fall '98.
Chasers: Grant Conway (48) and Rodney Grayson (47).

Con-Man and Rocket Rodney are both within striking distance of Rogers' mark.  However, their respective fates may depend on their respective placements in the Machine lineup.  The two had a combined 17 at-bats last week, but the DJ Dawgs are no Voodoo Lounge, and if anyone believes they'll bat through the lineup this many times against an 8-2 team, they've had a few too many Stoke Shakes.

LIKELIHOOD: 50%

DOUBLES:
Current Record: 6, Mike Moore.  Fall '00.
Chaser: Tom Pelsnik (5).

"To be in the same company as Mike Moore is quite an accomplishment," said one-time teammate Jon Magnuson.  "He was a very heavy hitter."  Pelsnik needs two to break the record --- keep in mind that a multiple doubles game had been recorded just twelve times in Machine history entering this season.  Still, if Pelsnik gets a two-bagger early, look for a subsequent jackass attempt to stretch a single into a double.  FYI: Moore hit 6 doubles in just ten games.  Asterisk controversy, anyone? 

LIKELIHOOD: 75% (tie), 8% (break)

RUNS:
Current Record: 29, Mark Hiland. Winter '99 and Fall '98. Scott Rogers. Fall '98.
Chasers:  Rodney Grayson (24) and David Hughes (23).

Any baseball fan knows that your leadoff men score the most runs, and the Mean Machine is no exception --- but remember,  Grayson played no less than three games near the bottom of the lineup.  Still, the Rocket's 2 RPG average is quasi-deceptive --- 1/3 of them came in last week's Voodoo Lounge Massacre.  Hughes 2.3 RPG average is probably the highest on the team (I'm too lazy to double-check this), but it's a moot point: Huge is gone next week on a hunting excursion.  Let's hope for his sake he mows down a deer --- he's got no "shot" at this record.

LIKELIHOOD: 20%

BASE ON BALLS:
Current Record:  8, Jim Currigan. Fall '98.
Chaser:  Josh Kelman (7).

Team Captain Magnuson mentioned in passing that the team seems to be walking more than ever.  Like most things, his claim has little to no merit.  The team is twelve BB's short of the group record entering Wednesday's action, but Kelman still has a shot to make his own mark --- taking a pitch is a lock for the rookie, but getting into the lineup is not.  Despite Hughes' would-be absence, Mark Hiland returns and there are musings that Freddy Roberts and Randy Policar may play... meaning Kelman will have to settle for the webmaster record.

Likelihood:  80% (tie), 40% (break)

RBIs:
Current Record:  25, Marc Goldberg.  Fall '98.
Chaser:  Tom Pelsnik (23)

Rookie phenom Pelsnik has perhaps the best chance to break the most respected record under threat --- some may blame a league-wide deficiency in defense, but give credit where credit is due: at best, this team will finish as the fourth-highest scorers in franchise history and yet, no one else is threatening the RBI mark.  Tommy Boy's main worry should be the DJ Dawg defense --- the third place team held the Machine to 13 runs in 2 games.  That being said, Tom's chances will highly depend on the batters before him.

LIKELIHOOD: 75%

DONE DEALS:

STRIKEOUTS:
Old Record: 3, Grant Conway. 1997.
New Record:  5, Josh Kelman.

Kelman already has a black-mark on his record --- the lone  footnote remains whether Kelman will add the career whiff mark to his resume.  Kelman plans to lift weights at least twice in the next week, so don't count on it.

ERRORS:
Old Record: 9, Grant Conway. 1997.
New Record: 12, Tom Pelsnik.

The leading run-producer for the M.M.'s also leads the team in stupid attacks --- the City of Scottsdale has already laid plans for the "Tom Pelsnik Memorial - Beware of Flying Objects" sign --- to be placed in the middle of the EDP parking lot.

There you have it, folks --- history in the making!  First pitch for the "Game of the Year" is scheduled for 6:20 p.m. on Wednesday evening.  

DAVID vs. GOLIATH?
Undefeated Machine Ready for Winless Killers

by Josh Kelman
August 13, 2001

This week, Jon Magnuson and Grant Conway return to the softball diamond after a weekend trip to the fishin' hole ---

It might've been a good week to stay lakeside.

The teammates might not be needed as rest of the Mean Machine prepares to take on the last-place Killers (0-6).

The hapless Killers might be the most cruelly named team in Men's American B history --- last Wednesday, the very non-lethal Killers were swept by the previously winless Voodoo Lounge. Now they face a Machine fresh from an emotional come-from-behind victory and the best start in franchise history --- oddsmakers at the GIla River Casino are giving it odds that even Chief Sitting Bull would like: forty gazillion to one.

Rumors that Erin Bryant and Brett Bacchus would play the team 2-on-10 have not been confirmed.

Still, there's some reason for concern: both Magnuson and Conway are nursing fishing-related injuries.

Magnuson was hurt during a leap from log-to-shore at Hawley Lake on Sunday afternoon. However, he didn't hyperextend a knee or pull a hamstring. The slugger hurt his thumb on an unopened can of pop in his pants.

Honestly.

The suspect, a 12 oz. can of Schweppes Ginger Ale, remains at large in the area. Police are urging anyone who encounters the drink to be cautious: its condition is listed as "highly volatile" and that if opened, it "may explode."

Conway is recovering at work from a minor knee scrape and is listed as day-to-day.

Gametime for Wednesday's contest at El Dorado Park is 8:30 p.m.

NOTES: Shortstop Tom Pelsnik is on pace to break Marc Goldberg's single-season record for RBIs (25). The rookie is on pace for 30 runs-batted-in... Freddy Roberts is out for the third straight week... Former Machine slugger Jim Currigan has been suspended 2 games after charging Okinawa Blue Wave pitcher Jo-Jo "Toyota" Johnson a la Rod Allen / Jim Traber in Japan.... Wednesday marks three weeks that no one has noticed Freddy's absence... David Hughes drank 3 beers before last Wednesday's game and given his outstanding defense, may make a ritual of it....

WEDNESDAY: AUGUST 15th, 2001 - 8:30 p.m.
MEAN MACHINE (6-0) vs. KILLERS / CRAIG (0-6)
Projected Starters: RODNEY GRAYSON (6-0) vs. TBA
Pre-Game Giveaways: 15,000 Mags Bobblehead Dolls

©2001 Bored Broadcasting Interns, L.P. All rights reserved. Use of the Website would signify your agreement to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy if we had either or.  Luckily for you we do not.