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November

Friday 30th

I quite like Jakarta, well for short periods of time, anyhow. I always seem to spend hours riding from one side of the city to the other in air conditioned taxis, and just love this. The big buildings, leafy avenues and huge shopping centres just glide past in a bit of a dreamlike fashion. Public transport looks far too crowded and dangerous for my liking. I avoid it altogether. We did get ripped off at times, unfortunately, as the taxis seemed to be going round in circles but at the same time I relished the opportunity to relax in a cool environment.

Many years ago I watched an english film called 'The Knowledge'. It was about young 'would be taxi' drivers learning the names and locations of all the streets in London. Apparently a person wasn't allowed to be a taxidriver without this background. Jakartan taxi drivers have not been subjected to the same rigorous training and it shows. Some were close to useless and didn't seem to have a clue while others whizzed down lanes and short cuts and delivered us to destinations in record time. Jakarta would certainly be a challenge to anyone as it is a huge city. There is a street guide in the bookshops but I am not sure how comprehensive it is. One day I must get a copy of it and study it closely. It could be very interesting and I could see where I have been.

We arrived at Tanjung Priok, the harbour, quite early in the morning. Too early, really, but it was better to be early than late. Jakartan traffic can be a nightmare as the traffic can be snarled for hours. It was also Friday and this causes further problems as the male population stop whatever they are doing and go to the mosque mid morning. Being early made for a long boring morning but we people watched until we were allowed to board a little after midday.

I say boarded, but in actual fact I was washed aboard amid a flood of humanity. It was scary and dangerous. I could barely balance myself on my feet and and was very concerned about pickpockets. There were people all around me and in much closer proximity than I ever desired them to be. Yana and I were gradually separated even though we tried hard to stay together. We were eventually reunited at the top of the gangplank. Then, before we knew it, we were quickly and cleverly tricked into buying beds that had already been allocated to others. There were so many people about and it was so hard to work out who was official and who wasn't. It was all very frightening. I told Yana that I wanted to get away from this ghastly sea of humanity and sit up on deck in the fresh air. This we managed to do and things seemed to go better after that.

Thursday 29th

Caca, the young twelve year old Indonesian girl, I enjoy conversation classes with every week, was telling me that things were very boring at present. I was most surprised to hear that school classes have more or less been suspended for Ramadhan, the fasting month, and that the students only attend twice a week for Islam pesantren classes. I can understand that teaching children who are fasting may be difficult, particularly for the afternoon shift classes, but to stop almost completely seems an unfortunate move. School can structure time and without it children would seem to have a lot of free time.

To help overcome Caca's boredom I decided that she had to learn how to pay solitaire patience. This is a good sold card game that everyone should know how to play. She embraced it enthusiastically and hopefully is still practising it now. Afterall, there is only a certain amount of television a child can watch. Particularly Indonesian television!

Perhaps Caca is less fortunate than most children in that she has no friends that live near her. Indonesians are very social people and like to pass their time with their friends. Everywhere you look there are people in the street enjoying themselves. They sit around watching people go past, discuss the latest happenings in the kampung, play volley ball and feed their youngsters. Boys like to play soccer in the roadways and girls like to walk about hand in hand. I always felt that Indonesia would be a warm and friendly place to grow up in.

Wednesday 28th

I arrived at the orphanage the other day to find the girls playing the Angklung. These bamboo instruments are of different sizes and when shaken make a sound. An interesting effect is achieved through having a number of people shake their individual instruments at different times but according to a definite plan. As there were almost twenty girls quite an impact was made. They played Christmas songs and their rendition of Silent Night brought tears to my eyes.

I hadn't given Christmas much thought up until now. I did read in the paper that many rich Indonesians are presently very busily occupied shopping for Christmas/ Idul Fitri presents in Singapore, Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur. So when Yana and I enjoy the Christmas decorations in Orchard Road, Singapore over the weekend we could find ourselves surrounded by Indonesians. We won't be joining them in their pursuits though. We are not in the same league.

The orphanage girls were very keen to sing some English songs after they had finished their Angklung. Fortunately as a result of my english lessons with children I have a full repertoire of songs. We enjoyed 'If you are happy and you know it'. 'Head, shoulders, knees and toes' and finished with the 'Hokey Pokey'. It was so much fun and we all seemed to enjoy ourselves immensely. It is a shame that I will have to wait two weeks before I go again. I'll be really looking forward to it.

Tuesday 27th

Indonesian names intrigue me. They generally are very lightweight. People, particularly Muslims, can go through life with a very insignificant label. I even wonder how two hundred million people can live without family names. How can you keep records of people when everyone's name is different? Then, although every one in a family may have a different name, the names are not all that sufficiently different. There are millions of Ades, Aebs, Aseps and so forth. How do you know that you are not marrying a relative? Some names might consist of just be one word although most people tend to have two names. Murders have been committed by people who have two letter names, such as Su or Mo. Although I am sure having such a short name did not cause the errant behaviour, it does make one wonder.

When I was teaching English I found learning the names of my students very daunting. There simply wasn't enough variety. Classes were full of Dedes, Didis, Dadas, Dodos and Dudis. Repetitive names are very popular. Nana, a friend, said his real name was Sumarna but his family took the Na that his name ended with and then doubled it. Hence Nana. Interesting!

I know of a Beng Beng, a number of Cha Chas, a Koko, a Bey Bey, Wiwik and the list goes on. The names can be for males and females. I just can't take these names seriously. Surely adults need mature names and not something that I would reserve for a monkey or a cat. Perhaps Indonesian names are an acquired taste. Still I do rather like the name Yana Sutiana. It has a nice ring to it!

Monday 26th

Aeb, a fairly insignificant fellow who has worked at 'By Moritz' for years had an interesting story to tell. He is one of the workers who did not grow his hair, learn to play the guitar or become quite fluent in English. He never really interacted much with the tourists and always kept a low profile. While others married westerners, Aeb married an Indonesian woman and looked forward to having a family.

Unfortunately, things didn't go to plan and after many years of marriage there were still no children. This became quite a preoccupation for him and he talked about it constantly. I still remember him saying two or three years ago, that no matter what happened, he didn't want to adopt a child. He seemed very stongly against it. Surprisingly so.

Apparently a few months ago Aeb became very sick. He had dengue fever and was hospitalised for some time. While in hospital he had plenty of time to reflect and the one thing that really stood out for him was that he had no visitors apart from his wife. Was this all his life added up to? If so, it wasn't much. When Aeb was better he went home and he and his wife talked about adopting a child. This they then did and his life has apparently become so much richer as a result. I am very pleased for him and am glad that he changed his mind. A good move.

Sunday 25th

People have been fasting for over a week now. The excitement and anticipation with which people embrace this month never fails to amaze me. Yana has been singularly committed. Once or twice he has missed the wakeup call for getting up and cooking and so he has then fasted all day even though he didn't have a chance to eat the three o'clock breakfast. I sometimes sit with him at four o'clock in the morning as we hear the mosques call people to prayer through out the valley. It is magic. Every where you can see lights and you know that there are thousands of families sitting together and enjoying something very special.

Indonesians are big smokers. Yet most seem to be taking the fasting month very seriously because I have been hard pushed to spot a smoker anywhere. It can't be easy to smoke heavily for most of the year and then just smoke after dark for a month. Particularly so when the kretek (clove) cigarettes are so very strong and addictive. Yet people are doing it. There is willpower for you.

Women who are menstruating or feeding their babies are not allowed to fast. Similarly sick people are asked not to participate. It is only for the fit and healthy. Children join in after they are ten or eleven and sometimes may fast on a half day basis before this. I am amazed how people cope with the thirst aspect because not being able to drink, particularly in a hot country must be difficult. Bad breath does abound but you simply keep a good distance from people. I wonder how many westerners could cope with the fasting month? Interestingly enough, Marnie, my young household helper seems to be positivly glowing this month. Normally she is grim and morose, but at present she is full of smiles. Most odd. Perhaps she thrives when challenged.

Saturday 24th

Yana and I are heading off to Singapore next Friday and so today we were out and about trying to get everything organised. I love riding through the streets of Bandung on the back of a bike. Today was no exception. I enjoyed every moment even though the traffic got really bad at times. This city just makes me feel good. Even though the roads can be filthy, the traffic can be polluting the air with nasty black smoke and at times the view is far from picture postcard perfect. Bandung is still beautiful.

At 'By Moritz', one of our old stamping grounds, we encountered an old friend. This backpacker hangout is on the top of the list in the lonely Planet guide. It has certainly changed many lives and mine is just one example. Anyhow, Dudi, an Indonesian, confided to Yana that things were not going well at present. They disappeared together and then Yana came back with a camera. Yana then explained that Dudi was not well and needed money. I was a bit upset for if a friend is not well then you surely can help him without requiring something. Pride must have come into it. It is not easy asking for money and so the camera was offered. I did have to agree that I had been meaning to get a camera for quite some time. I will now make sure that we pay a fair price for it.

Dudi, ten years ago must have thought that his whole life was mapped out for him. He was working very successfully as a guide in Pangandaran and had a longterm relationship with an Australian girl. After six years this petered out. He then married an Indonesian girl and together they had a little boy. Unfortunately the young wife, who was not a local girl, had great difficulty adapting to life in Bandung. She became very depressed, tried to take her life and then eventually took her son and returned to Sumatra. Dudi meanwhile was selling 'pisang aroma' a sweet pastry to make ends meet. As it is now the fasting month sales are obviously down and Dudi has been quite unwell. I hope he gets better soon. He is a good fellow and deserves a break. Life is very hard for some and I don't think that he will find that it will get any easier.

Friday 23rd

Corruption is still alive and well. Yana has been battling to have his passport renewed and he reached the end of his tether the other day. He was seated opposite the officer who was supposed to be serving him. This man smoked a cigarette, wandered around the room, looked at Yana's papers and then lit another cigarette. While doing this he eyed Yana to see if he was becoming frustrated. Yana knew the game and tried to be patient. In the end he could only think of all the other things that he could be doing and he gave up. He paid a reasonably considerable sum ($AUS 80) and the appropriate paper was stamped immediately.

The man then had the audacity to draw Yana aside and warn him not to tell anyone what he had done. What a way to earn one's living! What level of job satisfaction would you have if the sole purpose of your actions is to frustrate others? It is a sad state of affairs. It is probably Soeharto's true legacy to Indonesia. He ensured that everyone from the top down was so involved in corrupt behaviours that no one would say the truth about another. Everyone was nicely enmeshed and they would all protect each other.

This could explain why so little progress is being made on any corruption case. Things come to a halt very quickly as people are silenced temporarily or permanently. Justice doesn't seem to be done.I am watching with interest to see how Akbar Tandjung copes with his present predicament. Will the protective mechanism that operates around powerful people be able to hide the facts this time as well? Let's hope not.

Thursday 22nd

There was a story in the local Indonesian newspaper about a couple who had killed their second child because they could not afford to look after him. The father was a becak (trishaw) driver who earned less than 5,000 rupiah a day. ($AUS 1) They had followed a family planning program but with an obvious lack of success. The child was drowned after having been dropped deliberately in a septic tank. The family announced to neighbours that the newborn child had disappeared, but a very nasty smell from the tank a few days later exposed the couple's actions.

For their misdeed the parents have been sentenced to seven years jail. They will not even be able to look after their other child now. The sad thing is that this murder would not have been an easy thing to do. Similarly, the child could have been given to an orphanage, but I suspect the neighbourhood may have looked down on someone who did this. Sometimes people in tight situations can see few solutions. Where was the spirit of the community in this couple's case? Or were the other members also just as poor?

This story is even more upsetting because it is obvious that aid money that has been earmarked for the 'real poor' never actually reaches them. It has now been admitted that billions of US dollars have totally missed their mark. Bureaucrats, leaders and powerful bodies carve up the money between themselves and make a real mockery of the whole process. Every time I see a brand new BMW or mercedes, or notice another monstrous palace being built I wonder whether the money was obtained honestly or not. For the present the misappropriation is considering apace. There is no sign of any slowing down.

Wednesday 21st

I have already been very productive this morning. I grabbed Yana earlier on, and we went down to the bank. I needed money desperately. Now I will be able to pay Bu Empon for the cleaning and also for the food she delivers every evening. This system has been working well but I don't know how long she will be able to continue because she is not well. Yana is fasting at present and he is able to heat up some food at 3 in the morning. It saves him getting up really early and having to cook.

I thought about fasting but as my tablets are very strong it didn't seem adviseable. I would also be concerned about possible damage to my kidneys if I didn't drink regularly. They need to be regularly flushed. Muslims who are fully participating in the holy month do an amazing job and I am very impressed by their efforts. It involves much determination and application and it is wonderful to see that so many people take their religion so seriously.

I also managed to post three letters that I had wandered around with for well over a week. In Indonesia people don't lick stamps. This is probably a good idea, as the country is not known for its high level of hygiene. So in post offices one is confronted with revolting bowls full of mucky glue that you endeavour to spread over the back of the stamps. It is a messy procedure and somewhat unsatisfactory. It always makes me laugh.

Tuesday 20th

I have decided not to be so hard on myself. The medication is strong and at times it knocks me about and if this the case then it is OK for me to sleep or relax. Today I just felt like sleeping all day. My eyes would barely stay open. Despite the tiredness I managed to fit in my three work commitments. I coped by resting in inbetween.

My visit to the orphanage, the other day, was interesting. It is for girls only and about fifteen live there. They ranged in age from 4 to twenty. The home is a bit grotty but very typically Indonesian. Rooms branch off every where and rain stains are to be seen on walls and on the ceiling. I helped the girls with their homework with varying degrees of success. The maths was demanding but the English was easy! The girls were friendly and very sweet. They asked me lots of questions and I was delighted to be able to answer them.

I am not sure how many were truly 'orphans' and a few spoke of celebrating a special event with their mother or father. Some had apparently lived in the home for many years and others had arrived more recently. I was told some time ago that a parent may place a child in a home as a temporary measure if they are having trouble making ends meet. These children seemed quite cheerful and I could see there were some advantages to living in a home. You would never be lonely and you would have lots of playmates!

Monday 19th

Today I am going to make a special effort to get my act together. I have not been coping well over the last few days. The stress of trying to get the appropriate documents together for Yana's visa application has got to me. I find I can't relax or stop thinking about it. In the end I just sleep, hours at a time, just to stop the thoughts. This leaves me feeling worse than ever.

This morning I woke early and went out on to the balcony and did a whole lot of exercises. I haven't done this for ages. It seemed a positive way to start. Later this afternoon I will be going to a nearby orphanage to volunteer my services for an hour or two. I suspect that I will be helping with their homework initially.

Whatever happens I must not lie down or use sleep to get me through the day. Ironic really that she who says she wants to live is so happy to blot out so many hours of the day if she can. The tablets are probably not helping my present state of mind as they can act as a depresssive. I had decided that I should really use them one more time and closely monitor their effects. Another blood test in a month's time will tell me whether they are operating a little or not at all.

Sunday 18th

Sixty percent of the Indonesian people live below the poverty line and twenty percent live in extreme poverty. I was reminded of this as I passed a paper collector this morning. These people wander about the town visiting all the rubbish sites. They carry a metal hook and big bag, and look everywhere for paper and cardboard.

I can't imagine that the returns are very lucrative. They are always very poorly and dirtly dressed. What a way to have to eke out an income! I could imagine nothing worse. I wonder if it is the bottom of the line. Is this what you do when you can find nothing else to do?

Every now and then you see a on older wizened man pulling a huge cart full of stones or rubbish. It is almost unbearable to watch. Are they above the paper collectors? I don't know. The becak (trishaw) drivers are also poor but seem to be a cut above these. They also have the companionship and fellowship of their mates. Nonetheless life is not easy for many in Indonesia. It is always a matter of taking life a day at a time. Sickness can be a disaster.

Saturday 17th

Neneng, the woman who made my wedding dress and did my makeup, has had a lot of business since she made my wedding dress. Apparently the local residents of Yana's neighbourhood were very impressed with how I looked and now want something that is the same. Neneng is rubbing her hands with glee. Good for her.

Neneng deserves a break. She is Yana's aunt and married one of his father's younger brothers. Just into the fourth year of their marriage when she had two children under 3, the husband became ill and died. He was barely thirty. I didn't ask what illness it was. I couldn't see the point. The main thing is that she has had to raise two children by herself.

Neneng copes with life with a permanent smile and her two teenage children are a credit to her. She lives with both of them in a room at Yana's grandparent's house. In the same house are the grandparents, an older daughter and the daughter of the daughter, with her husband and baby. The house is not big. It is just a collection of small rooms wedged inbetween all the other houses in the slum. There isn't a tree or patch of dirt anywhere. No wonder they still talk about my house. I have a manggo and guava tree outside. They were amazed!

Friday 16th

Yana belongs to a motorcross club and they had their end of year celebration the other day. The event was held up in the hills overlooking the twinkling lights of the city. Bamboo torches glowed everywhere and the turnout was good.

In true Indonesian fashion we were very late and so we missed the video that depicted their Ranca Buaya adventure. Shame really because I would like to have seen what that remote part of the coast looks like. Riding pillion overland for fifteen plus hours a day is not a good idea so I understandably hadn't participated personally. Still at least a hundred others had joined in and had had a brilliant adventure complete with landslides, boggings and all the other excitement that can be expected from an offroad adventure in the wet season.

As it always does at this time of the year it started to rain and quite heavily too. At least the club had the foresight to hire a big tent. Food was served but I wasn't in the mood for eating. Sometimes my stomach plays very nasty games. We then drove back to Bandung in the wet. It was no problem really because I was nicely protected in my waterproofs.

Thursday 15th

One of the things about being reminded of my indefinite future is that I then try to savour every moment as I experience it. I go through Bandung and endeavour to etch pictures of the leafy streets and the colonial architecture on to mind so that I will be able to access these images always. As I look about me my heart seems to feel bigger and tighter. It almost hurts. This must be love. Bandung is where I love to be.

At least I am lucky in that I have the opportunity to appreciate what I love. Many people take it all for granted and then one day find, without any warning, that it is all gone.

I heard a story yesterday that was quite upsetting. Some friends had just been told that their previous maid had died of TB at the grand age of twenty. This shouldn't happen these days. It is a curable disease and my friends said that they would have been more than happy to pay for the treatment. Sometimes people in the villages are medically very naive. It was also sobering for me. I have had a very good life, whereas that poor lass had barely made a start.

Wednesday 14th

Another simply stunning morning in paradise. I just love Indonesia. I love the bright green of the bamboo and the banana palms. The people are friendly and seem to always have a smile on their face.

Life is easy here too. Where else could I afford to have someone help in the house? In fact for many people in this country the lifestyle here is second to none. Women may have babies or young children but the nanny takes most of the responsibility. In our little stay at the Sheraton last week I noticed that the ground was thick with nannies either feeding children, supervising swimming or just holding their charges. The parents relaxed nearby seemingly without a care in the world.

Many Indonesians are quite horrified when they realise that the average Australian, in that 'lucky' country next door, actually has to do his and her own cleaning. If there is household help it would only be for a few hours a week. They don't realise that paradise is here right in front of them.

Tuesday 13th

Things are still precarious. I woke up very early this morning, totally unable to sleep anymore. My head was full of things that I will have to contend with over the next few months. Yet, all I want is an ordinary little life. I want to get up in the morning and go to work, look forward to weekends and turn my house into a home.

I sat outside in the bamboo room with our dirty little canary singing extremely cheerfully nearby. The morning was magnificent. Yana joined me. We discussed plans and possibilities. He is always so bright and positive. It can't be easy for him.

After a few days I always bounce back. The pain and numbness goes away and I become more positive again. The human spirit is a resilient thing.

Monday 12th

Today was to be the day for a blood test. It was time to see how things were going. I could then make plans for the future once I knew where I stood. These days are always very scary and waiting for four o'clock to hear the results is far from easy. Fortunately, Yana always stays with me for the whole day and this makes it more bearable.

At four o'clock, I was too scared to listen to Yana's conversation on the phone with the clinic. I just sat there praying. When he came to tell me the results I was very disappointed. The results were not good. They weren't necessarily bad either, or not yet anyway. It would appear that I have stopped responding to the drug. The reading was almost the same that it had been last time but would obviously start going up from now on. I had so hoped to reach remission. I had been so close. I felt totally numb.

So now my future is clear. Obviously my days in Indonesia are limited. I actually thought that I would have had much longer here. I will simply have to enjoy each day as it comes. Most people take their days for granted. Don't. They are special and must be made the most of.

Sunday 11th

In Bandung the zoo is located at Taman Sari, just a stone's throw from where Yana's family live. On Sundays it is a very busy spot. Families, particularly extended ones, come with elaborate picnic lunches. The setting is quite pretty and there are many large trees. Unfortunately, it is a zoo of the old style and not one that would appeal to the average westerner.

Outside the zoo, people can rent ponies. This is also very popular. Unfortunately, as a former horsy person, it does nothing for me. In fact I am constantly aghast at the total absence of safety provisions. Helmets are non-existent. Young children bounce along innocently in the middle of very dense traffic. The pony handler often follows behind, keeping contact with his steed by holding its tail!

I have have never seen an accident but then I have never hung around for hours to check. The ponies do seem quiet enough but it still strikes me as a catastrophe waiting to happen. Somehow I doubt that few others see it as a problem. Shame really, because a child's well being is of major importance and it is impossible to turn the clock back if something does happen.

Saturday 10th

Yana and I have just returned home from our honeymoon at the Sheraton Hotel. We experienced twenty-four hours of decadence. It was even a wonderful experience to sleep in a bed rather than on a mattress on the floor. We could get used to it. Satellite television was a real bonus and we woke up very early in the morning to make sure that we missed as little as possible.

The food was very good and breakfast this morning was a buffet of immense proportions. The hotel seemed to be very full and most of the patrons were Indonesian. There were also many, many young children. I wondered who these people were who could afford to stay at the Sheraton. They live in a country that needs funding from the IMF but many enjoy a lifestyle that would bedazzle the average westerner.

The morning was clear and warm. We swam in the cool, fresh water and lay in the sun to soak up some of its strength. Yana looked very much at home and said that he may make a point of coming with me next time I decide to come. He was adapting fast. Then it was all over. We checked out and headed home. Thank you for a wonderful honeymoon, Bandung International school!

Friday 9th

Nunung came home with her baby. She lay on a mattress in the middle of the floor, with the baby beside her, while half the women from the kampung came to have a look. It was lovely to be there. Such a cheerful atmosphere. Yana had entered briefly but the presence of so many women may have been offputting, as he left almost immediately after.

In many parts of Indonesia people are expected to have a baby straight after getting married. Eyes turned to me and I was told that they looked forward to seeing my baby in nine months time. I didn’t want to mislead them. To stop all the speculation and month counting I explained that there wouldn’t be any babies. It just wasn’t possible. It is not that I wouldn’t have liked a nice little brown baby. I would have.

Village Indonesians seem to have difficulty gauging the ages of foreigners. I don’t go shouting my age from the rooftops but as I have two adult daughters, a little basic arithmetic, would give them a rough idea. Still they seem to think that I am young. Perhaps it is just that I should be young as I have a thirty year old husband! It must be all very confusing.

Thursday 8th November

In Indonesia people talk about a medical condition called 'masuk angin' which translates literally into 'wind entering the body'. When you hear a list of the symptoms it sounds just like what westerners know as a 'chill'.

I woke up feeling awful. It is always scary when you have a fatal illness. You immediately think the worse. I couldn't remember having felt this bad for such a long time. I was absolutely and utterly exhausted. Then I told myself to be rational it could well have been that wind had entered my body. Afterall, I had been completely soaked through on two separate occasions the preceeding day.

I rested as best I could and waited for Yana to come to give me the coin scratching treatment. Someone takes a coin and makes horizontal lines on your back. Big red lines appear and if you are particularly unwell they can stay for days. Sounds odd but it does work. The coin causes the blood to circulate more intensively and this makes the patient feel better.

Wednesday 7th November

The rain continues apace. I got soaked through more times yesterday than I care to count. On one occasion I ventured out despite the torrential downpour because I didn't want to miss the German school singing and games class. The streets were awash with water and my shoes, not to mention my trousers which refused to stay rolled up, were soaking wet. As much as you tried to avoid it, you simply had to wade through water at times.

A little later, while I was sitting in one of the green public transport vans, an 'angkot', an old lady entered awkwardly, umbrella first. She managed to completely soak nearly all of the passengers. They shouted at her and she helplessly told them that the umbrella was just so big that she couldn't control it. I don't know where they had lost their sense of humour.

Out near the crossroads on jalan Juanda I saw an old woman determinedly begging in the pouring rain. I admired her persistence and gave her 1000 rupiah (25 cents) which is a lot to give a beggar. I usually only give one or two hundred. Sounds very stingy doesn't it! Anyway I was hoping that she would respond with a smile but I got the blankest expression that I have encountered for a very long time. When I passed the same spot two hours later she pushed her plate out in front of me again. She didn't seem to recognise me. At 5:30 she was still there! Normally people don't work at their 'begging' for such long hours. I wondered whether she had a major crisis that she was hoping to overcome. Many beggars are much more relaxed and casual in their approach.

Tuesday 6th November

Yana's sister had a baby boy at about nine o'clock in the evening. I had been so worried that she would go into labour during the wedding day but she very cleverly waited till afterwards. I am now an auntie and can't wait to meet the little fellow. Hopefully if I see him from the very beginning he will become more used to my face and I won't have all the tears that most young Indonesians reserve for me. They find me very scary.

I was very surprised about the atmosphere in the clinic before the baby was born. Nunung was lying there having quite an unpleasant time. Her husband tried to wipe her forehead every now and then and a nurse sat at a nearby table and made notes. There were no words of encouragement or any of the emotional support I can remember receiving when both my girls were born. I felt that I wanted to roll up my sleeves and help her through the experience. It was only my concern that this could be breaking cultural taboos that held me back.

I had imagined that giving birth in Indonesia would have been a group experience with a lot of support, laughing and noise. I was most surprised at the cold, unfriendly atmosphere I encountered. Perhaps, it is like that in the kampungs out in the country. Tthis was probably the 'modern', city way, to do things. I must check with some people who may know.

Monday 5th November

The wedding went perfectly yesterday. A small entourage went at eleven to the office of religion where both the Islamic and civil ceremony took place. In the middle of the talk ....the 'leader's handphone rang!! I expected him to turn it off, immediately. But no! He stopped his speech and carried on a private conversation for a few minutes. Would you believe it!!!!

Yana's mother, grandparents and a number of close family members were there. His grandfather, a superb fellow with a wicked sense of humour was the major witness. His father was even there ... I shook hands with him, but didn't know it was him till later. Yana doesn't talk to his father. He abandoned his wife and three children when they were little. I wish I had known that it was him, I would have had a closer look.