Wow, it's already October - pumpkin month =) Still cramming for my exam, and still being a worry wart. On an unrelated note, I never knew work could be so intense with workplace politics. I have plenty of awesome friends at work who are very normal and act normal, but the 3 months I've been here, I've also come across some freaks...
I feel I'm the sort of personality that will get along with most people. I'm pretty down-to-earth, normal, nice, and most importantly, I like to get along. Here I am at work... I've made everyone my friend, but I don't have the guts to be mean to some people I'd rather not keep in touch with. I've noticed people at work like talking to me, and I guess some people are intrigued by me being a Muslim and all too. I guess I'm far from the image the average American has of a Muslim woman... I'm not at one extreme (too liberal and flashy) or the other extreme (a total oppressed fundo). Initially, I can see it in their eyes - they expect me to be shy and have an accent and not be able to relate to this society. Then, once I open my mouth and they have had the chance to ask me where I'm from and they notice I am pretty unrelenting about "where I am from" (i am from america, not pakistan. my parents are from pakistan), I join the circle of "normal" people, yet they still try to "figure me out."
I can see them wondering how I'm so normal. I wear the scarf, yet I don't look like the women from Saudi. My wardrobe is a colorful rainbow. I have a matching scarf with every outfit. Heck, sometimes I go shopping with my scarves to make sure I purchase matching tops and pants with them. I wear modest clothing, yet I don't wear clothes that make me look like a potato sack. And, yes, I wear pants most days with occassional skirt days =) I wear stylish heels too most days. I am a Muslim, and I definitely do have a fashion statement to make. And, yes, I wear makeup too because it makes me happy and comfortable. Of course I don't cake it on, but a brush of blush here and a touch of lipstick there won't kill anyone. I am Muslim, yet I speak of Saudi Arabia and wahabbism so critically. I am comfortable to say, "Yes, I do hate the oppression women face in Saudia Arabia. I don't agree with all the policies of that nation. I plan never to go there except for the voluntary pilgrimage." I know what's right and what's wrong, and I am not afraid to speak my mind. Most of all, I am honest, and they pick that up real fast. Yes, I am Muslim, but I don't have to be a clone of my friend, Aisha or a clone of the Imam at the Masjid. I am Maryam, and I have my views. And, you know what? They respect that and they respect me for who I am (as opposed to some Muslims I know). They see that although I am a Muslim woman who has defined her own fashion by integrating western fashion with my Islamic identity, I am bold as can be. I might "look" quiet soley based on my dress, but once they get to know me they know I have an opinion about everything and anything.
They know I have a personality of my own - and it's not the personality of the Muslim women you see on TV. It's a strong, confident, and outgoing personality... it's being an activist, it's being vocal, it's being heard when you have something to say, and --- it matters. Some even call me a feminist. I call myself a Muslim feminist. Some ask themselves, how can she be covered like that but be so vocal about women's issues? I call it being a normal moderate American Muslim woman. After we've gotten past the nitty gritty, many expect me to be serious and not be interested in music or boys or whatnot. This is when they see a whole new side of me. I know when the business ends and the fun and personal relationships begin. They see I am pretty normal when it comes to light chatting. Yes, I like watching some shows on TV. I like Friends. I like ER, and a bunch of other shows. And, yes, occassionally I'll even watch those reality shows. I love going out to dinner, and while they order their wines, I like to stick with my Pepsi or virgin strawberry dacquiris. I'll get the occassional, "oh you don't drink?" I say no, and many times I'll notice them (not me) becoming defensive. I act like it's normal not to drink, and for me it is. Then, I'll receive a comment like "yeah, I don't drink much either." Several times I've gotten the comment "I don't drink either," so that makes two of us =) By this time, they've noticed that I don't drink but don't need a drink to make me feel at ease... I can carry my own in a conversation in any situation. They see I can be funny but have certain limitations for myself as well, and they respect that in a person so young.
It doesn't take long to get on the topic of politics. They see once we are engrossed in a political debate, I can differentiate my pain as a Muslim from justice for all of humankind. Yes, Palestine definitely needs to be a country of its own without Israeli interference, but the Palestinians also need to cease with the suicide bombings. Both sides need to act responsible and just. Not only am I concerned with international issues, but domestic policies also make me passionate for change. I talk about healthcare, the job market, civil liberties, abortion, etc. I am an American, an American who is a Muslim at the same time. Next come the topics of dating, relationships, halaal food, etc. After all is said and done, they see I live my life as any American does, but usually they see it as a simpler and more painfree existence because of the rules I have for myself. Sometimes they see it being proactive with your life as opposed to reactive. I tell them that I am an American whose way of life is Islam, but me saying that initially would have meant nothing at all. I can see it in their eyes that I have helped dispell the confusion in their minds. The confusion that Muslim women are somehow "different" and "weird." They look at me with a better understanding, and they now deep down know that there is such a thing as a "normal Muslim woman." They might think I have made a difference in their life, but I feel they have made a bigger difference in my life -- they were open-minded to allow me to help them understand a Muslim woman, and for that, I thank them.