There was one time I visited our place back home and saw my father. At first I pretended to be strong, acting as if I can manage. I stayed in my mother's place but God told me to visit him so I did. It was okay, we talked, greeted each other, and chatted with my half brothers and sisters and my stepmom. I said goodbye because my flight will be later in the afternoon that day I visited him. Then he said, "Why did you just visit me when you're about to go back? Don't you want to stay here even for one night?" In my mind I was saying, "No way! Not interested." When I was on my way to the airport I was accompanied by Mom. She felt that I was too quiet as if I was thinking about something. "What's the matter?" Whispered my mother. "Nothing, Mother."
My mind was full of my father's face, his very sad face when I was about to step out of his gate, his very cold presence when I kissed him goodbye. I really felt so much his deep-felt regrets for whatever happened to our family and what he did to mother. I knew so
much that he loved my mother but he just wasn't prepared to be a good husband, just didn't know how to control his emotions at that time. My father was so insecure and felt no love and support knowing the kind of familyhe came from. I realized that it is because God isn't the center of his life and he didn't let God to be in control of his life that's why he was able to do those hurts to my mother. Definitely, without God, life is really a mess. The enemy will try so hard to ruin families, that's the center of his target. If family is destroyed, children will be destroyed as well, and our children are the hope of the society. If they're destroyed, so will be our society. That is why many of us were involved with drugs, premarital sex and so on.
I broke down when I reached the airplane entrance... Before the Flight Attendant warned to turn off cellular phones, I called my father. I apologized and cried as I was telling him I love him. I said I should've stayed longer or visited him the other day and I said I missed him terribly. He also wept as he told me I'm his most favorite daughter. It broke my heart. Funny how sometimes you realize that past experiences still maintain a hole in your heart for when it is nudged, it will still bring very fresh memories and pain in your heart. That scene of my mother's blooded lips and darkened eyes was a long, long time ago, when I was about 4 or 5. But why is it I could still have a clear picture of it? God is able. God is good and He is the great Healer. He can wash away our pain and soften our hearts. He can even take away our pride. The bible tells us to honor your father and your mother so that we may live long.
In the beginning it was just as difficult to erase these memories. I prayed for God to give me peace and enough grace to be able to heal my almost ruined heart. It's just so amazing how God turned me into the kind of person he wanted me to be, being patient, loving, kind and forgiving, though I'm not saying I have perfectly dealt with all of these, but I believe that with my present faith and endeavors, God is more than able to transform me slowly, little by little, step by step into this kind of person he has planned for me to be...
By: Maya Guzman Santos
