I used to be so vain. I used to be self conscious. Conscious about my face, my hair, my clothes, my skin, my smell, about how I look in general.
"Do I look good?" "Are these clothes I'm wearing appropriate?" "Did I just say this? That? Did I say it correctly? Was my grammar correct?" Were always the questions in my subconscious mind. My husband used to scream at me while I was in the shower trying to figure out which shampoo I'm going to use today. He used to scold me everytime I'm in front of the mirror since I spend a lifetime doing my make up. He would just say, "Where in the world are you going anyway?"
I used to be up to date with the latest fashion trends, latest hairstyle, latest make up colors, beauty tips, latest nail polish style, go to the "in" beauty salons, latest smell of Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein, branded tops, jewelries, expensive, Italian stiletto shoes (up to now I still have a bit of a "thing" for shoes, by the way), name it! All earthly stuff is in my must list! I even hang out most of the time in the latest pubs, bars, coffee shops, malls either with my husband or with my friends.
I used to enjoy watching live bands at night. Cocktails, social drinking, smoking, were of course included in nightlife. You won't enjoy going to pubs if you don't smoke because you're drinking. All of the people you see there are drinking and smoking anyway so you also should or else you will be jammed with second hand smoke! You'll be dead! Might as well smoke too at least it's from your own breath and your own mouth!
Seriously, when I became a christian, things stated above did not automatically change in one snap. I needed to deal with a lot of things, needed to face them one by one. And God perfectly understands this because were humans. We have our free will. It's still up to us if these things we normally do are still acceptable or not. Jesus assigned the Holy Spirit to be within us to guide us perfectly, says in John 16:8 and 13, "8And when he comes, he will convince the world of its sin, and of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment. "13When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting his own ideas; he will be telling you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future." The spirit of God will be the one to reveal things that are not right in the sight of God. However, He won't reveal all these things to you in just one data and download them in your heart and minds. He will also find the perfect time for you as to when you will be prepared for His revelation.
There were also some things that did not really manifest in myself right away, say for example, smoking, but to also inform you that I have successfully stopped more than 3 years ago through the grace of God. Smoking is a great bondage to your physical, spiritual and your mental range. In the physical aspect, once you get addicted to nicotine, it is difficult to take them away from your system. Same with the mental aspect, your mind has been programmed that smoking is great for relaxation, tension, pressure and of course every after meal rituals. Our old ways are like this, it's been wrapped up in our minds, we are programmed to do it because we are used to doing it.
Slowly but surely, God would reveal your ways that aren't pleasing in His sight and that He will give you your own choice as to whether you would choose to obey Him and ask for His grace to help you change it. There are also times when He would reveal to you some things that He would like you to change the very soonest, maybe because there is a blessing He'd like to give you that is blocked because of a certain bondage. When we say "bondage", it means that you are conditioned as a slave. A certain thing that is locked in the spiritual realm that may only be unlocked by Christ himself, no one else, especially ourselves.
Vanity is described as excessive pride in one's appearance or accomplishments. The bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 2:10-12 (ESV), "10And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. 11Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun." It clearly says that vanity is like grasping for the wind. There are so much more in life than food, clothing and pleasure. I used to justify to myself that these are my rewards I needed since I have worked hard for it for my own satisfaction. These things are not really mortal sins by itself, but when you go beyond the borders, that's when you should know when to stop. Life consists of far more greater than these things. Yes we do need them sometimes, but not to permeate them into our minds and make them control us.
I'm so happy to confess that most of those things I mentioned earlier in my vanity list were somehow changed not only because I like to please God but also because, I'm actually no longer interested in doing so. Though admittedly, not everything were really gone, like my desire for shoes, good shampoos, etc. Now I see to it that I won't desire them beyond my means. Like going to pubs or bars, surprisingly now, I wonder why I feel sleepy everytime I go and besides, I don't drink so much anymore, I get drunk right away so what's the use, I don't enjoy anymore. When I go to coffee shops, I needed someone to talk to who should listen to me, but now, even if I'm only with my daughter is ok, with my friend it's also ok. I don't have my nails polished? Who cares? No huge diamonds on my ears? So? When I go to heaven to meet God, He'll give me thousands of gold and diamonds anyway. My jeans isn't branded, so what? I look good because I reflect God's glory!
Luckily, God is awesome. Most of His ways are incredible. He is able to turn around things that you thought was not good for you in the beginning, but you will soon discover His purpose of it in the end. God's will is always perfect.
By: Maya Guzman Santos
