This is terrible... I am sitting in my room facing the computer fixing something in my website, preparing to write some articles but deep in my mind, I feel so useless... It's the time of drought and my pocket says, "Not now, sorry..." It's the 23rd of December and a lot of my officemate's children are gathered in the office preparing to get gifts, toys or even small amounts of cash for their Christmas presents. My own children isn't here anyway because Husband was busy doing something and has no time to bring them here.
I'm actually pretending not to see them. How pathetic, huh? Since these people feel that I'm the department's Head and therefore should at least give something to their children, kids were starting to line up outside my room greeting me Merry Xmas! Merry Xmas! At the same time goes inside my room and hugs me tight. Really sweet, reminds me of my childhood days when I normally go to my Uncle or Aunt and waits for them to pick something from their pockets and hands me different amounts of peso bills. I would hug them and say thank you. Christmas is indeed for children, as they say... I don't enjoy it, specially this year.
I don't really believe in it now but for the sake of the old accustomed traditions and for the sake of other people who doesn't really know the truth yet, I am bound to still give something not because I do practice Christmas events. The only problem left is...my wallet... "What should I give Lord?" I've only a few left for my allowance this Christmas weekend, I've even got nothing for Christmas eve, though I believe God is faithful and is a Great Provider. I am only relying on a miracle to happen to me. I've even visualized of huge amount of cash for my Christmas shopping. Truth is, it's already December 23 and even one single gift, I've got nothing... For now.
Somethin' tells me to still give despite the "unproductive" life I'm experiencing right now. Someone whispers to me to sow and bless others despite of what I only have left. And as usual, I wanna be obedient to God. I did what I had to do but I told God, "Lord, no more children please as I will be left with almost nothing. But as time passes, more and more kids are coming, going inside my room to greet me and waits for something from me. Of course, that's what they were taught and the notion that they project to adults like me is to really give something to children like them which is what we're really used to do in the office every Christmas season.
The point is, you don't need to wait for Christmas season to give love and share your life to these children. You must do that anytime anyway. Christmas or not, give gifts, money, simple things or sow a love for anyone, children or adults and not wait on a Christmas day. I can always do this everyday anyway so for now doesn't really matter.
I just wondered and asked God, "Father, do I look like I have a lot of money that they all go to me?" I just realized that God's purpose and plans for me is this. Great! To be able to give things to children, give love to them and almost like a second mom. It also doesn't matter if I didn't give money or anything to them, so long as I give them my sincerity and love. Even Jesus said to the rich man in Luke 18:22 (NLT), "...Sell all you have and give your money to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven..."
I felt bad earlier because I have nothing to give to them, no Christmas shopping, no gifts for my staff, no gifts for my own children or to my husband either. But I also realized yesterday as I went shopping with Jing, one of my closest friends, I said to myself, "Hey, I can do shopping anytime and not bound to shop only during Christmas season... So what?" I said with my chin up. I know this is just a test. The enemy is trying to pull me down and make me pity myself so that I would question God and I've tried my very best not to let him succeed for to God be the Glory! I'm just not used to this really, as I always do my Christmas shopping yearly. I even ask my daughter every year what she wants and always has to give it to her and she's expecting for it.
I know God and He knows me. I know His faithfulness and I'm strongly depending on His words and promises. John 10:14 says, "I am the good shepherd. I know my own sheep and they know me." I know that God will give me the desires of my heart if I delight myself in Him, (Psalms 37:4) I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me, (Joshua 1:5). I will quote this verse over and over and really let my mind and soul absorb this as I have discovered through the Spirit of God that if He has tested me and proved that I can glorify God even with nothing in return, how much more with something in return? Indeed, we will never leave God for the sake of our own happiness and for the sake of the riches in this world.
Perhaps this is what God teaches me and my husband right now, "For life consists of far more than food and clothing.", says in Luke 12:23. Sometimes it's easier said than done. Very true if you are already face to face with the situation. Therefore, I'll ask the grace of God to pour out on me so that I may still be at peace in the midst of financial storms. I will ask God to let me be more patient and reveal to me His goodness. Anyway, I will be patiently waiting for God's promises to manifest in my life and my family. I will not waiver. I will remember that God is always good.
By: Maya Guzman Santos
