The Speed of Time by Age
0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas yet?"
10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings.
20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet paychecks seem further and further apart.
30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?"
40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be slowing down?
60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59?
70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like they're over in a couple weeks
Your Spiritual Guide
TAOISM: Shit happens.
ATHESIST: I don't beIieve this shit.
HINDUISM: This shit happened before.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
NEW AGE: A firm shit does not happen to me.
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
JUDAISM: Why does shit always happens to us?
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
RASTAFARIAN: Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happens to someone else.
ZEN-BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?
Ingenius Idea
One for all you engineer out there... During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet
Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
Unsolved Ward Mystery
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead patient in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths. It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher. "We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of this incident. The enquiry is now closed." from (Cape Times, 6/13/96) BTW, the headline of the newspaper story was, "Cleaner Polishes Off Patients.
168 ways to tell if you're a HKer
The Hong Kong Prayer
