| Back Page Feature Of Joy: Let Us Welcome Madam Leaflet! |
| Ask A Venus Flytrap |
| Dear Madam Leaflet, I’m a single parent living in a one-room apartment with my three children, one of whom has diabetes and requires a lot of care and money. My question is, how do I go about raising money to better my family’s condition while at the same time having enough time to care for my diabetic son? —Poor in Pennsylvania Dear Poor, Spread your leaves and wait for your prey to touch down like the unsuspecting twit it is. Then, secrete a very sticky jelly so that you can get them nice and helpless. Once they’re trapped, you can begin the process of slowly closing your jaws/leaves and watching them quiver with fear as they prepare for the encroaching death. Ohh, it’s quite a rush. Dear Madam Leaflet, My girl and I have been dating for two years now, and we know each other pretty well and we have this trust thing pretty down pat. My problem is, I’m not sure if it’s time to take the next step. I mean, we can’t do this much longer without getting really serious, right? What’s your opinion?—Flummoxed in Fargo Dear Flummoxed, Gnats and mosquitoes are mere snacks—they’ll never be enough to satisfy you for a whole day, even if you get a fully loaded mosquito. Bees are also a bad idea, for obvious reasons. However flies are a definite plus, especially horseflies. There is nothing in the world more satisfying than eating a horsefly. Remember that. |
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| The wise and all knowing Madam Leaflet |
| STAFF Master Justin--Editor in Chief Baron Vince--Managing Editor Baron Ziegfeld--Copy Editor Ludwig--Editor Editor Kou Cao--Very Special Editor The Experts--Gatherers of Knowledge Wayne Shanks--Is neither real nor sane Madam Leaflet--Writes her award winning column "Ask A Venus Flytrap" for newspapers across the country. |
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| "Not this again." |
| As you can clearly see, this photo's quality was severely compromised. I wonder who could possibly have done such a heinous act, and do they have any connection to papal tyranny of the pre-Protestant Revolution era? Shall it forever be a mystery? Only time will tell. |