BAGHDAD, IRAQ—In a drastic turn in the search for Saddam’s hidden Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs), General Tommy Franks has deployed famed Disney sleuth Darkwing Duck to root out the elusive devices.
“I am the terror that flaps in the night!” declared the newest soldier in the War on Terrorism. “I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares! I am Darkwing Duck!”
Darkwing and his comrades Launchpad and Gostlin will be flying around Iraq in their trusty jet while gathering clues as to the location of the WMDs and their guardian.
“Launchpad suggests that this is Quackerjack’s doing,” Darkwing informed the press in his daily update. “This would explain the randomness of the hiding places. But I don’t think so. I think we’re dealing with someone more crafty, like a Megavolt or a Negaduck. But no matter! I, Darkwing Duck, will bring this case to a close before any of these dastardly weapons are used against an unwitting public!”
Darkwing is soon to be joined in his quest by Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, the twin detectives. “We’ll solve any crime by suppertime!” the duo boasts. Also tapped for action is McGruff the Crime Dog, who plans to “Take a bite outta Uday and Qusay.” Rescue Rangers Chip and Dale also want a piece of the action, citing their skill at seeking out things as small as acorns, which may be useful in identifying Saddam’s body.
“With any luck,” said President Bush, “the truth will finally be revealed.” |
