sarah speaks - propaganda - my worldview '98

    With all of the deception transpiring at every turn, children need to know that there is something they can trust, an unconditional truth. Their parents’ love fulfills that purpose. So when marital bonds are broken by divorce, parents will do everything to reassure their children that their love is still absolute. This guarantee is most effectively and efficiently made through dishonesty. Do kids want to hear the truth? – that daddy misses baseball games and recitals because he’s shacking up with his secretary? that mommy is hooked on painkillers? Even if the situation isn’t as melodramatic, parents want to shield their children from the full reality of divorce, because kids don’t like change – especially change from a happy, “normal” family to a dysfunctional one. Though my family is a seemingly healthy, happy, two-parent unit of society, I can relate to major change in the household. I grew up for my first eight years as the eldest child of three. Dad used to tell me periodically over the course of these eight years that I had another brother, but I took it as a joke. One day, Mom and I visited a neighbor and I patiently waited as mom chitchatted – until my ears perked up to an interesting tidbit of information. Dad had been married before Mom, and his son, Anthony, from his previous marriage, was coming to live with us. The gravity of this change still boggles my mind. Just thinking about how my dad was married before was enough to put me in a catatonic state. They had kept a secret from me.
     My parents had kept a secret from me because they knew I couldn’t handle the implications of the truth. Dad had been another woman’s husband. Dad was someone else’s father. I have since grown to care about Anthony with all the limitless love that I feel for my family and accept my father’s humanness, but being told that truth so many years ago will always be a landmark of my childhood. Yet I only feel appreciation for my parents for allowing me to establish my own invincible image of my family before they shook it a little. Although it may be difficult for children of divorce to accept their parents’ reasons for splitting up and grow accustomed to the transition, selective truth is something that will only benefit them at that age. For a child to know that both parents still love them equally and that their love is unalterable is priceless.
     Protection is also made a little more complicated when dealing with death. For a child, the loss of a loved one, whether it is a grandparent, a friend or a pet, is difficult to cope with. Death means never being able to see and interact with something or someone you love again, at least not in life. Parents may choose to conceal mortality or embellish it simply to shield their children from grief. When I was younger, I had a blue parakeet named Sylvester that we kept in a cage with my brother’s green parakeet, George. One day I noticed that Sylvester was missing. My parents had skillfully avoided telling me about the disappearance before that point, but now they had some explaining to do. Dad told me it flew away. Mom told me she had given it to a friend who had lots of parakeets. My friend was told that her cat ran away. Another friend was told that his dog was in heaven.
     Heaven seems to be a generic, easy-to-process answer to dealing with the issue of death. Heaven is a rainbow in a bright blue sky, wings and a halo, floating on a cloud. Rose was my best friend as a child and we were both sad when my family had to transfer to Maryland. We were six years old. When I was nine, I remember walking into our kitchen, the silence heavy with solemnity, my mother standing by the counter, turning slowly when she heard my approach to reveal her tear-stained eyes. “Rose died last night.” I just looked at her. I didn’t know how to react. I was surprised that I didn’t immediately start crying, as I knew that was the appropriate response. Still, silent, staring, I stood. Mom told me she was in heaven now. Rose was an angel. I was content to believe that.
     Parents create this picturesque image because they want their children to believe that life is all smiles when it reaches its end. Perhaps they feel that it is unfair for their children to mourn at such a young age. Children are led to believe that everyone and everything ends up in heaven, it seems. There is no end to existence, only more happiness. No fault lies in telling kids what they need to hear to be able to manage their sorrow. Children, and even adults, should not be afraid to live or to die.

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