FALLEN
Taking Over Me
*You don't remember me but I remember you I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you*
A red rose rested on the windowsill facing the old park in the back room. It was his favorite place to sit, especially in the morning. He loved to watch the sun peak out over the tops of the oaks and pines, casting a greenish glow over everything. She put the rose there because she knew he'd find it. There was no note, no words, but he knew what it meant and he shed one tear.
"Why is it we never realize what we have until it's gone?"
"Human nature, Jarod. We always want more then we have. We're never satisfied."
He fingered the flower, trying to feel some remorse for his loss, tried to feel an obvious pain. But all he felt was guilt because he couldn't.
*But who can decide what they dream and dream I do*
"If you're not grieving for it, then maybe it wasn't really a loss."
His mentor's words made little sense at the time, but the longer they continued to repeat themselves, the more it became clear. One door closes another door opens.
*I believe in you I'll give up everything just find you I have to be with you To live To breathe You're taking over me*
"Are you saying she's not what I really want?"
"Only you know the answer to that. I'm just saying you need to look around you and figure it out. Doors have hinges, Jarod- they don't stay open forever."
On his old friend's words, Jarod left his hiding place, left behind the guilt and the red rose on the windowsill. He took with him only what he needed and, in last remembrance of his old girlfriend, took a road trip across the country, from San Francisco to Delaware.
*Have you forgotten all I know And all we had You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand*
Pure instinct drove him; an unseen force gripped him tightly and dragged him onward, as if taking over his self-control. His mind reprimanded on how stupid he was, how lame and utterly pathetic. Unable for thirty years to shake the presence of one woman, hindering his ability to have any semblance of a normal relationship with anyone.
*I knew you loved me then*
He turned up the radio to block out the nagging voices in his head, but the only things playing were love songs from the 80's, and while he was anxious to catch up on all the popular culture he'd missed during the time, the timing couldn't have been more wrong.
*I believe in you I'll give up everything just find you I have to be with you To live To breathe You're taking over me*
He left the car in a parking garage downtown and rode the bus along the opposite outskirts of the city, as far from the Centre as he could get while remaining within the small, unlabeled town. Walking several miles up the road, he came up through the back, through the woods behind her house, and let himself in through the backdoor with a key he'd copied some time ago.
He looked around, staring into the eyes of her family in photographs and gently touching the picture frame that held her mother's work, waiting to be hung up. He fingered the white cotton robe she wore each night, lifting it to his face and breathing in deeply.
Then, returning to the living room, he seated himself on her couch and waited.
*I look in the mirror and see your face If I look deep enough So many things inside that are just like you are taking over*
**
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