Being the dumb old President and stuff totally sucks.

Hello there, Real People. It is I, Texas Governor President George W. Bush. I am like the dumb old President and stuff. See me be the dumb old President and stuff. Be the dumb old President and stuff, W., be the dumb old President. This is what happened to me today. Don’t worry. I have lots of pictures. The pictures tell my story.

Today I am like so way more even totally beyond way more even totally way more madder and unhappier than I have ever ever ever been in my way most so totally way most maddest and unhappiest ever. Why I am I mad? Don’t guess Karl. That would be a good guess, but it would be so way totally wrong. No, I am way more even totally beyond way more even totally way more madder and unhappier because being the dumb old President and stuff is like a complete and total gyp.

Karl said when I was President, I could play Donkey Kong all day. Karl said when I was President, I could blow up all the frogs I could catch. Karl said when I was President, I could get totally wasted on Zima any time I want, except during the dumb old State of the Union soundbyte or visits from Foreign Leader guys. I said to Karl when will I be President. Karl said I will be President on November 7th. Karl said Jebbie promised. Karl said Daddy promised. Karl said the Florida State Troopers have been paid off. Karl said Kat Harris has got her pound of flesh. Karl said your cousin John Ellis has his instructions. Karl said that dumb Gore guy won't know what hit him. Karl said that dumb Gore guy is history. Karl said I could take that to the bank.

Here is me and Daddy and Jebbie on election night. Daddy made me stand this way until the reporters took my picture. Right before this, Daddy yelled at me. Daddy said "try not to look like such a complete and total fucking moron!!" Then Jebbie pinched me! Election night sucked.

Guess what day today is? Today is November 30th!! November 30th is WAY later than November 7th. I had my wife, Mrs. Texas Governor President George W. Bush, look it up on the calendar! I have been President since like FOREVER! So guess what I am doing today? Don’t guess playing Donkey Kong, because that would be the way most totally wrongest thing you could ever guess if you tried your whole entire life to guess the most totally way wrongest type of totally way wrong guess ever. No, today I am going to WORK! What a complete and total gyp!

Kat Harris keeps leaving these dumb things all over my office! There must be a gazillion of them!! The last time I was totally blitzed on Zima I tripped over a big pile of them and got an real bad owie on my face! I had to wear this HUMONGEOUS bandage for like FOREVER.

Now I am sitting in my dumb old office. Can I play video golf? No! Can I play Donkey Kong? No! Can I score some blow and get higher than a kite? No!! I am just supposed to sit here in my dumb old office. In the corner, Daddy and Karl and Tom Delay and Trent Lott and Dick Armey and James Baker and my way cool boss, Satan are talking. Talk, talk, talk!

What are they talking about? Don’t guess something interesting, because that would be way totally wrong. They are talking about my cabinet.

I, Texas Governor President George W. Bush, am not allowed to talk about my cabinet. I know who I want in my cabinet. I told Daddy like a gazillion times who I want in my cabinet. Daddy said if I don’t shut up about who I want in my cabinet, he will sick Tom Delay’s Rent-A-Nazis on me. Daddy says that’ll shut my yap. Daddy says sit down and shut up for once you little creep.

I am like President and stuff, but I am just supposed to sit in my dumb old chair until Karl gives me a new soundbyte to read. How way totally dumb! Do I get to take a nap? No!! Do I get to execute anybody? No!!! Do I get to go to Mexico for cheap crack and hookers? No!!!! I am just supposed to sit in my dumb old chair and look Presidential. Being President and stuff is like a complete and total gyp.

Trent Lott says can somebody get that moron to stop kicking his chair?? My way cool boss Satan gives me a cookie. He turns on my TV for me. He goes back to the corner with Daddy and Tom Delay and Trent Lott and Dick Armey and James Baker. He goes back to talking about my way totally boring dumb cabinet.

The cookie is an oreo! For a second I am way totally happy. Then I see what is on the TV! Can you guess?? Can you guess what is on my TV that makes me so way totally mad I dropped my oreo cookie on the floor where somebody could step on it and mash it into like a gazillion pieces?

Here is that dumb Gore guy on TV!! What is he saying? The dumb Gore guy says "Count all the votes." That dumb Gore guy says "Be nice to Governor Bush." That dumb Gore guy says "Be nice to Republicans". How way totally dumb is that??

Don’t guess Pokemon. No, that would be way totally wrong! It’s that dumb Gore guy!!

Karl said I would never have to look at that dumb Gore guy after November 7th!

Karl is so completely and totally on my list.

On the way tippy top.

For like, forever!

Tom Delay says if somebody doesn’t get that crackhead to stop kicking his chair, I’m sending in the Rent-A-Nazis to beat some quiet into him.

Then Daddy takes away my cookie!!

It was an OREO!!!

Now I am so way totally mad I watch that dumb Gore guy on TV, just to have somebody to be totally way mad at. That dumb Gore guy is being way totally boring! Can you guess why he’s being way totally boring? If you guessed he’s talking about numbers, you were way totally right.

That dumb Gore guy just CANNOT shut up about numbers. That dumb Gore guy says thousands of votes have not been counted and the margin is in the hundreds. That dumb Gore guy said he got way totally more votes than anybody except dumb old Reagan. That dumb Gore guy says that like it’s a big deal or something. Anybody can get votes. Duh! You just make Kat Harris a dumb old ambassador to dumb old France. How way totally dumb is that?

That dumb Gore guy gets to go outside and play!! All the time!!!

That dumb Gore guy makes me so way totally mad. I, Texas Governor President George W. Bush am the dumb old President and stuff, and he is just the dumb old Vice President. Being Vice President is totally way not as cool as being President. Being Vice President sucks. But he is on TV and I have to sit in my chair and have quiet time.

Having quiet time sucks.

Someday I will find out who invented quiet time, and they will be so on my list.

That dumb Gore is only the dumb stupid old Vice President, but he gets to go outside without a baby-sitter! And play football! I, Texas Governor President George W. Bush have never gotten to play football unless Daddy bought somebody a stadium first.

That dumb Gore guy not only gets to have people going straight to Hell over to his house, he doesn't have to use a coaster!! What a complete and total gyp!!!

That Gore guy is only the way dumb stupid old Vice President, but he gets to have his friends come over to his house! His bestest friend ever, that dumb stupid old Lieberman guy, is over there all the time! That dumb Gore guy gets to have that dumb stupid Lieberman guy over to his house, even though that dumb stupid old Lieberman guy is a Jew. Jews are all going straight to Hell, but that dumb Gore guy can still have them over to his house.

I, Texas Governor President George W. Bush, have a bestest friend ever too. My bestest friend ever is Jimmy. Jimmy taught me Donkey Kong. Jimmy is not a Jew. Jimmy is a 100% all American Christian. Jimmy is not going straight to Hell. But can I have Jimmy over to my house? No!!! What a complete and TOTAL gyp!!!

More of that dumb Gore guy's totally dumb friends who get to come over to his house and stuff. Not like I care. I'm so totally not jealous.

I bet that dumb Gore guy has even way totally tons more friends who are dumb stupid old broads and colored people and spics and biological deviants over to his house too. I bet he has everybody who is going straight to Hell over to his house. I bet they all come over to his dumb stupid old house and get to camp out in the back yard and watch Pokemon videos and eat like a gazillion crab cake sandwiches and ride ponies and get totally tanked on Zima and shoot the windows out of passing cars with an Uzi.

It’s like so completely and totally not fair!!!

I want my bestest friend ever Jimmy in my cabinet. Daddy had his bestest friends in his cabinet! Daddy has his bestest friends all in the corner of my office right now, being way totally mean by not letting me pick my own cabinet. But Daddy says I can never speak to Jimmy again! Ever!!

Daddy is so on my list.

And Daddy is never coming off.

This is my bestest friend ever, Jimmy. Jimmy showed me how to make a secure online contribution to the Gore-Lieberman Recount Committee. Jimmy said if that dumb Gore guy and that dumb Lieberman guy get enough money, I will never have to do any of the really hard President stuff, like uniting the country and restoring faith in honest elections. I told Jimmy to give two million dollars. That sounds like a lot, but it was Jebbie's Visa card.

I will never, ever, ever stop being way totally mad that Daddy won’t let me have Jimmy in my cabinet. I asked Jimmy myself. I asked Jimmy to be in my cabinet. I asked Jimmy to be my Secretary of Nintendo. Jimmy said he was a Progressive Democrat. Jimmy said it was against his principles to actively participate in such a transparently fascist enterprise if he could possibly avoid it. Jimmy said we could still be friends, because he thinks it’s an important spiritual test for him to accept me unconditionally as a person, since all humans have an inherent value and unique gifts that they bring to this world no matter how deeply buried they may be, and that he had to believe that even someone like me had the potential to realize the evil they do in the world and at least attempt to make amends or he just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.

Sometimes Jimmy makes my brain hurt.

I said to Jimmy name your price.

Jimmy was quiet a way long time.

Jimmy said, okay, I’ll be your Secretary of Nintendo, if you call that dumb Gore guy and agree to recount all the votes in the whole state of Florida, and get all your lawyers and Rent-A-Nazis and Kat Harris and the rest to cut out the nonsense and let those poor people count the stupid votes, all the stupid votes, every last one of them, and if that dumb Gore guys wins after the count, you have to be nice to that dumb Gore guy and not start a civil war.

I said to Jimmy no way Jose. I said to Jimmy I am like President and stuff. I said to Jimmy I stole this election fair and square.

If that dumb Gore guy was President, he'd always be doing mushy stuff! Ick!

Jimmy said being President is way totally hard work. Presidents work like a gazillion hours a day. Presidents do not get to take naps. Presidents do not get to play Donkey Kong. And they have to READ like tons of stuff. Every day!!

I said to Jimmy but if that dumb Gore guy is President, that dumb Lieberman guy will always be hanging around. Jimmy said that dumb Lieberman guy will be Vice President. Jimmy said they’re supposed to hang out together. I said to Jimmy but if that dumb Gore guy is President, his dumb wife Tipper will always be hanging around, too. I said to Jimmy Tipper is a dumb name. I said to Jimmy my wife does not have a dumb name. I said to Jimmy my wife is named Mrs. Texas Governor President George W. Bush. I said to Jimmy Tipper is a way totally dumb name. I said to Jimmy why should I not be President and stuff just so some broad with a way totally dumb name can always be hanging around?

Jimmy was quiet a way long time.

Then Jimmy said okay, what’s your price.

I said I know that dumb Gore guy has like a gazillion lasers and nuclear bombs and the coolest Pokemon monster ever on Airforce Two. I said I’ll swap that dumb Gore guy the Presidency for his Pokemon monster.

You can't see what is in that dumb Gore guy's cardboard box. But I just know it is the coolest Pokemon monster EVER!!

I didn’t hear Daddy come into the room.

But Daddy did come into the room.

Daddy came into the room just before I named my price.

Now Daddy won’t let me out of his sight. Now I will never get to see Jimmy again. Now I will never get to have the coolest Pokemon monster ever. Now I will have to be the dumb old President and stuff for like a gazillion years.

Being the dumb old President and stuff totally sucks.

ATTN: Recount Committee
c/o the Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capital St. S.E.
Washington, DC
20003

AL'S DAY IN DC UPDATE: The Last, Best Hope of the Free People of the United States and Joe emerge from their first publicly acknowledged transition team meeting. As part of their "We’re the Grownups" campaign, the Democrats have refused to discuss who may or may not be part of a Gore cabinet. Meanwhile, back in Vichy, Smirk was so desperate to appear to be uniting the country that he announced that former (Democratic) Senator Sam Nunn would join his cabinet. Nunn, however, told him "Not so fast, Snippy".

DON'T LET THE RENT-A-PHOTO-OP NAZIS WIN THE PR BATTLE: My understanding is that there will be pro-Democracy, anti-Bush coup rallies every Saturday, to protest Smirk’s fuzzy vote count in Florida and his bogus claim that he won the Presidency already so we don’t need to see if anybody’s civil rights were violated in Florida. Click here to stay updated on participating cities and their protest locations.

Write, phone or email your Senators and Congressional Representatives -- tell them how you feel about the Florida election and what you think needs to be done to pick the next President! Especially if they are Republicans, let them know how you feel about Smirk hiring Rent-A-Nazis to force America to accept him as President! Let them know how you feel about the way Jeb runs THOUSANDS of black voters out of Florida's polls!

Al’s back in DC, on the job! Email the Last, Best Hope Of The Free People of The United States and tell him how you feel about his fight against the fascist menance, as well as Florida’s vote fraud and its civil rights abuses! Get specific! It’s Al!

Don’t forget to tell Joe what you think! After all, he’s in this fight, too!

Why has the fifth column in the fourth estate insisted that Al concede an election that isn’t over - - especially one so obviously rotten with voter fraud? WHY ISN'T THE RENT-A-NAZI STORY THE TOP STORY OF EVERY NEWS CAST?? WHERE'S THE COVERAGE OF THE THOUSANDS OF BLACK VOTERS IN FLORIDA THAT WHERE KEPT OUT OF THE POLLS BY THE POLICE?? Give those weasels a piece of your mind!

The Fine Folks At Occidental Petroleum Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guys.
Or Else They'll Steal Florida Right Out From Under The Smart Guy. Not Like There's Anything Fishy About That. Or Illegal. Nope. Nothing.

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